'I don’t want her to have the same regrets.' Why I'm paying for my daughter to freeze her eggs.

For most of my life, I thought getting pregnant meant having unprotected sex once. 

Those predatory sperms would find its way to my exposed egg and start duplicating like wildfire.

So during those early years of being sexually active, getting pregnant was my biggest fear. I took the pill religiously, triple-checked the expiry dates of condoms, micromanaged my partners to put them on properly, and tracked my cycle like clockwork. 

Every month, seeing that red stain on my underwear was a breath of relief.

Watch: The two types of parents. Post continues below.

I was in school for most of my 20s.

As a career-driven young woman, I was focused on carving out my identity and purpose in the world. 

Having a baby wouldn’t just throw a wrench into my plan, it meant derailing my whole life, financially, professionally, socially, emotionally, mentally, physically, and everything in between. 

It was a risk I couldn’t take, not until I found the right person and had done everything I wanted to do before putting a vacant sign on my uterus.

Then I finished school and started working. I met my husband. We travelled and saw the world. My career was in a comfortable place. I got married and so did those in my social circle. 

We all started trying. Some were successful within a couple of months. Some took a bit longer. Some decided their lives were complete without children. Others are battling years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF.

Fortunately, I was in the first group. As I went through my pregnancy and entered that rollercoaster journey of motherhood with my beautiful daughter, I never thought about my fertility. That was until we started trying for our second.

It didn’t take a month or two. My period became a sign of failure, a disappointing reminder that my body wasn’t doing what it’s supposed to do.

After 10 months of trying, my mental health had deteriorated. 

I withdrew into myself; anxiety and depression ate away my spirit. I became a shell of a body, going through the motions of life, unable to focus on anything but ovulation sticks, my basal body temperature, and cervical fluid. I took a leave of absence from work.

A month later, a miracle happened, and I was pregnant with my son. I’m incredibly grateful and fortunate I did not need to go through the trenches of IVF.

My children are truly gifts from the universe, pushing every limit of my being to love unconditionally and reminding myself of life’s little blessings.

As I was re-learning how to breastfeed my son, my sister started trying. My sister and I are each other’s most trusted confidants. She is the other side of me, extroverted to my introversion, leading with her feelings while I rationalise with my logic.

It’s been almost two years since my sister and her partner began their journey to conceive. During a heartfelt conversation about her struggles with infertility, she shared with me an incredibly empowering and insightful piece of advice.

She told me, "If all this works out and I end up with a daughter, I’m going to pay for her to freeze her eggs. It’ll be my gift to her when she’s older."

My eyes widen and I respond, "Wow, you really thought this through."

Through deep breaths, my sister continues, "When I was young, having kids was never in the picture. I didn’t have that instinctive need to bear children. Becoming a mum wasn’t something that crossed my mind.

"Then when I got older, I just thought if it happened, it would happen. Like if I met the right guy, and he wanted kids, I would be okay with it. I never thought I would be going through IVF. I never ever expected this.

"It’s a sad fact but at my age, my eggs just aren’t as good as they were when I was in my 20s or even early 30s. If I had known this was going to happen, I would have frozen my eggs when I was 25.

"But of course, I can’t turn back time. And even if I could, I know at that age, there was no way I could have afforded to freeze my eggs, plus the annual storage fees.

"However, if I have a daughter, and when she’s 25, I will have the financial resources to pay for her."

I ask, "But what if she doesn’t want kids?"

Listen to Mamamia's fertility podcast, Get Me Pregnant. Post continues below.

"Honestly, I didn’t know at 25 whether I wanted kids. She might not either. However, I don’t want her blaming herself for not thinking about this sooner, repeating the same regret that I have," my sister responds.

"Paying to freeze her eggs gives her options and frees her from worrying about her biological clock. She can go to school, figure out what she wants to do in life, explore her passions and purpose, and how she wants to contribute to the world.

"When she’s dating, she won’t be rushed to settle with the wrong person. She can take her time to find the right partner to share her life with.

"And if she does find someone and they want children, they have the option to use her frozen eggs if they have trouble conceiving.

"If she doesn’t want a partner but wants to become a mother, she can get a sperm donor.

"And if she doesn’t want children at all, she can donate or get rid of them entirely.

"Ultimately, it empowers her to take control of her life. I would gladly alleviate the financial burden of those options for her."

As she finishes, I look over at my daughter who is playing in the living room. I turn to my sister, "Do you mind if I steal and share with the world your piece of advice?"

She glances at her niece, nods and smiles, "Of course not."

Katharine Chan, MSc, BSc, PMP is an author, wife and mum of two. She writes stories to empower individuals to talk about their feelings despite growing up in a culture that hid them. You can find more from Katharine on her website or podcast, or you can follow her on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter or YouTube. 

Feature Image: Getty.

Love the joy of giving gifts? Take our survey now to go in the running to win a $50 gift voucher.