Couples therapist says not celebrating Valentine's Day is a sign of an unhappy marriage.

It seems like most people love to hate Valentine's Day. 

Celebrated on February 14, there's something about the stuffed teddy bears, set restaurant menus, and flower deliveries that seem to get on our nerves more so than whatever is being peddled around Christmas or Easter.

But relationship expert Dee Tozer says that in her experience, love it or hate it, embracing the day as a couple might be the key to a happy relationship, or even saving a marriage.

"It is my responsibility, and personal investment, to check in with my couples at 12 months and 2 years, post working with me. Ninety-four per cent (non-infidelity), 96 per cent, after infidelity – report they are doing well and haven't looked back," says Dr Tozer.

There may be plenty of readers who don’t agree with this, however in her 35 years of repairing relationships and marriages, Dr Tozer has identified a direct correlation between not celebrating Valentine’s Day and being in an unhappy marriage. In fact, she claims of the 5,000+ couples she’s worked with, there has been an almost non-existent interest in even acknowledging the day.

"Over my 30 years in the profession – of the 5,000 unhappy couples that I have helped to repair and revitalise their relationships, there is one standout; almost 100 per cent did not acknowledge – let alone celebrate – Valentine’s day," Dr Tozer says.

But first, if you plan on celebrating Valentine's Day, here are 10 practical gifts you can purchase for your partner. Story continues below.

Here are the most common reasons Dr Tozer has heard as to why couples in crisis don't celebrate Valentine's Day.

1. Couples that feel the day is over-commercialised and resist acknowledging it.

When asked by Dr Tozer why the couples she works with don't want to celebrate Valentine’s Day, they list off Hallmark cards, flowers etc. with distaste. But couldn't the same be said of Christmas or Easter? 

Many believe the holiday was created by Hallmark to attract sales in the 80s, much like Mother's Day. But you might be surprised to know that the history of the day dates back to 5th century Romans, however, it has been widely celebrated as a day of romance since about the 14th century.

While the origin of the tradition is mostly religious, so too is Christmas, Easter and even Father's Day – all of which are celebrated with greeting cards and the giving of gifts. The difference? It’s a rare thing to not celebrate those.

2. Couples who lose sight of their foundations forget that Valentine's Day helps them rekindle the spark.

The endless need to compromise; the overwhelming stresses of work and kids can definitely contribute to ‘killing the vibe’.

"I sometimes compare a relationship to a merry-go-round, it’s fun but loses its excitement with each lap. It’s easy to lose sight of why they got on the ride in the first place," says Dr Tozer. "The priority to dedicate time to indulge in each other's love is diluted to the point where not celebrating that love becomes the norm."

Dee Tozer talking to one of her couples. Image: Supplied.

3. Parent couples who focus too much attention on their children.

A crucial part of some marriages is the ability to balance parenting. Now, this in itself is a task to master – a parenting balance that allows each person to feel revitalised, and in turn, free their mindset and redirect their attention to each other. 

Unfortunately, a common reality for couples is that one or both parents are exhausted or feel undervalued, possibly even resentful. Focusing on children is unavoidable but as an aside, they often also don’t celebrate wedding anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, only celebrating kid's births, kid's birthdays, kid's achievements.

4. Misconceptions, envy and couples that are on different wavelengths.

As old-fashioned as it seems, there is a general consensus among lovers that Valentine’s Day is about husbands pursuing wives.

"I have heard from hundreds of women, on or around Valentine’s Day, how hurt they were to see work colleagues receiving flowers, gifts sent to the office on Valentine’s Day but they didn’t get anything," Dr Tozer reflects. "However, in the same retrospect, I’ve heard from a lot of men (perhaps 100 – not hundreds) that they sent flowers and were not even thanked for them, or put to the interpretation from their wives that they 'just want sex'."

Whether this is true or not, isn’t that the idea of Valentine’s Day – to express your love for your other half?

So, why you should celebrate Valentine’s Day

From Dr Tozer's experience, it’s easy for couples to develop resentment and focus on each other’s negatives – flaws, faults and deficiencies with criticism dominating their relationship. The mindset shift to positively celebrate their affection for each other is major.

How to shift out of the negative sentiment around celebrating their love is not the easiest to do without the right help or guidance; To honour the couple's bond and loving togetherness, maintain emotional warmth and enhance or reignite their romantic spark – keeping love alive is the overall goal.

"A key part of what I do with couples in crisis is guide them in how to honour each other – what that means, and how to overcome their blockages to this after years of toxic interactions. I am fully pro celebrating Valentine’s Day, and you should be, too."

Dee Tozer is one of the world’s most successful qualified, experienced couples psychologists of almost 35 years, and an up to 96 per cent success of building stronger relationships. She is a published author and master coach for couples in crisis because of infidelity, compulsive behaviours and substance overuse or abuse.

Feature Image: Getty.