Military punishment and an exiled father: The 6 biggest takeaways from Shari Franke's book.

This article contains mentions of child abuse and sexual assault, which may be distressing.

Shari Franke, the eldest daughter of convicted child abuser Ruby Franke, has released her much-anticipated memoir — and shared what her life was like growing up.

In the book, which came out in the US on January 8 (and will be available in Australia on January 15), the 21-year-old details the years of abuse inflicted on herself and her siblings at the hands of her mother, Ruby Franke, and later her business partner, Jodi Hildebrandt.

Mother-of-six Ruby Franke rose to internet fame sharing videos about her family life and children to a YouTube channel called '8 Passengers'. The family, who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Utah, had nearly 2.5 million subscribers at the channel's peak — and Shari was one of the vlog's unwilling 'stars'.

The House of My Mother, by Shari Franke. Image: Simon & Schuster.

On camera, Franke's parenting style was strict, to say the least. But while viewers saw some glimpses of mistreatment in the videos, the abuse was largely hidden from sight.

In August 2023, Franke and Hildebrandt were arrested, after Ruby's son climbed out of a window of Hildebrandt's residence and ran to a neighbour's house, where police were called. Both were later found guilty, and sentenced to serve between four and 60 years in prison.

Now, more than a year later, Shari's story is in the spotlight. Here are the biggest takeaways from The House of My Mother: A Daughter's Quest for Freedom.

Watch: Shari Franke speaks to Utah lawmakers about dangers of family vlogging. Post continues after video.

Shari shared her journals.

Though Jodi Hildebrandt had a lot of influence over Ruby and how she mistreated her children, the abuse started long before she was introduced to the family, writes Shari.

Growing up in the Latter Day Saints (LDS) Church, Shari was encouraged to 'record keep'. In fact, the act is ingrained in the faith as a sacred duty. Every night, Ruby would remind her children to write about their days in their journals. Out of all her siblings, Shari was the most dedicated writer, and would often write about her parents.

"Mom and Dad pulled me into their room tonight. They said that all of my friend problems in school were my fault," Shari wrote when she was 11.

In another entry, Shari recounted being verbally abused by her mum during piano lessons.

"Whenever she helps me practice piano, she promises not to yell, but by the time we are done, she's screaming at the top of her lungs…"

Shari also writes about her mum's use of military-style punishments, thanks to her obsession with West Point Military Academy.

"She now punishes us by making us condition, like soldiers. For example, earlier today she got mad at Chad and me for not putting away the clothes, so she punished us by making us run around the block five times.

"Then at dinner, Chad was hiding and refusing to help me clear the table, so Ruby made us both do pushups — Chad for shirking his responsibilities, me for not being enough of a leader."

Ruby Franke's relationship with Jodi Hildebrandt.

The first time Shari mentions Jodi Hildebrandt in her memoir, she describes her as a monster, who came into their lives when Ruby was seeking a therapist for Shari's younger brother, Chad.

When a friend raved about Jodi's life-coaching program, ConneXions, Ruby decided to reach out. The therapist's word soon became gospel, and Shari herself had weekly calls with Jodi — who accused her of having "serious issues with adulation" and encouraged her to practise the opposite and "self-denigrate".

"Let's say you assume you're going to ace a test, because, of course, you think you're so very clever. Change the language in your mind. Flip it. Think to yourself, 'Oh my gosh, I'm going to fail this test because I'm a very stupid little girl,'" Jodi told her during one of their sessions, according to Shari's book.

Just before Shari was about to start university and move into a dormitory, Jodi moved into the Franke house.

Ruby told her daughter her friend was not well, saying her "soul [was] under siege from Satan" and they had to take care of her.

"She'll be taking over your room," Shari writes that her mum told her, and she had to return home immediately and clear out her belongings.

Shari slept on the couch while Jodi took her bed, and according to Shari, the two women were the only ones allowed upstairs. Not even Ruby's husband, Kevin, could share the space anymore.

When the therapist started to have night terrors, Ruby decided she would sleep in Shari's room with her, as a source of comfort. At 5am one morning, Shari witnessed her mum tiptoeing out of the room with messy hair, "cheeks flushed and her robe hastily tied" before re-entering her shared bedroom with Kevin.

During one of Ruby and Hildebrandt's rare absences from the home, Shari snuck into her room to reclaim some of her belongings. What she saw stopped her in her tracks.

"The room was bathed in the soft glow of candles," she writes. "The air was heavy with the scent of lavender and vanilla wafting from the massage oils on the dresser.

"I quickly grabbed what I needed and got the hell out of there, feeling like I had just walked into someone else's honeymoon suite. The only thing missing was rose petals on the bed."

That's when Shari began to question the nature of their relationship.

"What the hell was going on? Why was Ruby sneaking around in the middle of the night like a teenager trying not to get caught by her parents? Were they really doing candlelit massages in my bedroom? How could this be happening, with all of us in the house?"

She described the possibility of romance between them as "equal parts fascinating and horrific".

"Two women who preached 'Truth' while living lies. Who condemned queerness very publicly in their ConneXions videos, while embodying it privately. In my room. On my bed, most likely."

Shari Franke's relationship with her dad.

Many people have asked the question: just how much did Ruby Franke's husband, Kevin, know about the abuse?

According to Shari, her dad "had about as much autonomy as a wet noodle in a hurricane" during his relationship with her mum.

"His every thought and action was dictated by the whims of his unhinged masters, Ruby and Jodi. The groundwork had been laid long ago, the seeds of doubt and obedience sown deep," she w.

"Years of subservience to Ruby had left Kevin's psyche weakened, and now he was easy prey, low-hanging fruit."

Shari described her mum meticulously stripping away Kevin's self-worth and independence, until he became, in her words, a "puppet awaiting her command".

Then, one day, Ruby asked Kevin to move out.

"Your mom has invited me to leave the family home so I can work on myself," Kevin told Shari. "Once I'm better, I'll come back, and we can be a happy family again. I'll be gone for at least a year.

"I'm taking Chad with me. Chad is also selfish, and I guess selfish people belong together," he added.

Shari has since grappled with her feelings towards her father, torn between resentment, pity, and empathy.

"I'm so angry with my dad for not sticking up for himself and for abandoning his family. And I am furious at Mom and Jodi for ruining our family," she wrote in one journal entry that is shared in her memoir.

Her dad did eventually move back, and tried to make amends.

"He had been making huge strides, mentally, and was in therapy, as was I, as we learnt to stand side by side again as imperfect partners in recovery from what happened," writes Shari.

"He'd emptied out Ruby's pantry, keeping only the freeze-dried food, buckets of flour and rice... As he cleansed the house of its past under Ruby's dominion, he told us that once everyone was home again, we could decorate our rooms however we want."​

Shari has complex feelings about her Mormon faith.

After everything that has happened, is Shari Franke still a Mormon?

When she was baptised, Shari writes that she felt a strong connection to the LDS Church.

"As I was submerged beneath the surface, I felt a rush of peace. I was safe now. Protected by God and my faith, no matter what else happened around me."

At first, she absorbed Ruby and Jodi's ideology, following the women in their faith. Then she realised that their interpretation of spirituality differed greatly from her own.

"True truth isn't just quoting scripture while behaving exactly the way you want when you think no one is looking. That's the opposite of truth."

She never explicitly shares in her book whether she remains a practising Mormon, but she does end her memoir by saying she is finally at peace.

"For the first time in my life, I am genuinely happy. I've emerged from the cocoon of my past and somehow found the light," Shari writes, adding she has had the help of her community and "endless therapy".

"I'm slowly stitching my psyche back together, teaching my nervous system that it's safe to feel again, safe to rest."

Shari Franke was sexually abused by older church member.

When Shari graduated high school, she writes that an older man in the church — whom she calls Derek — asked for her help with the social media strategy for his company.

Flattered that someone had recognised her skills, the then-18-year-old agreed. Immediately, Derek, who was in his late 40s, showered Shari with compliments, including telling her how pretty she was.

"I have to say, Shari, you really impress me," she claims he once told her. "The way you think, the way you see the world… it's refreshing. You're mature, way beyond your years."

The 18-year-old also found out that Derek had once been a neighbour of Jodi Hildebrandt, and he didn't like her. This only strengthened their relationship.

When Ruby found out about the arrangement, she demanded Shari cut off all contact with Derek. Shari acquiesced in person, but secretly still met up with the older man.

Then, on the night she started university, Shari says Derek sexually assaulted her.

Derek requested Shari visit his office so he could give her some gifts, but she had a sudden panic attack. Derek suggested skin-to-skin contact would help — and while Shari tried to push him away, he was stronger.

"I felt myself go numb, felt my mind detach from my body, floating up and away until I was looking down at the scene from above," Shari writes.

"A girl on a couch. A man looming over her, his hands possessive, greedy. This was the first time someone had touched me like this. It couldn't be me. It couldn't be happening. Not to me."

Back in her dorm later that evening, Shari was restless, thinking she had sinned.

"It felt like a punishment, a divine reckoning for all the ways I had failed, all the ways I had fallen short. In my mind, my frozenness, my inability to move was a sign from God, a punishment for my transgressions.

"This is the Spirit telling me I need to repent, I thought."

Ruby Franke sent Shari an apology letter from prison.

In August 2024, Shari received a letter from her mum behind bars.

"It was five pages long, but its length didn't equate to substance," Shari writes.

"I felt like looking through a stranger's photo album. I recognised the characters, but I couldn't connect with the emotions being described."

Then came the apology — though not for the abuse.

"She didn't say sorry for the pain she'd caused us, nor did she acknowledge the reason she was in prison," writes Shari.

"Instead, Ruby expressed regret for not spending more time with me before I moved out before college. It felt like such a small thing to fixate upon, in the grand scheme of our history."

The letter, however, reinforced Shari's opinion of her mother.

"Even now, behind bars, she still couldn't — or wouldn't — acknowledge the deeper wounds, the years of emotional manipulation, the public exploitation of our family life, the shocking harm inflicted on my youngest siblings."

Feature Image: ABC/Good Morning America/Instagram/@moms_of_truth

If you or anyone you know needs to speak with an expert, please contact your GP or in Australia, contact Lifeline (13 11 14), Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636), all of which provide trained counsellors you can talk with 24/7.