Do you know if your hobbies are "sexy"? Apparently they could stop you getting laid. Pfft.

If you spend your free time writing original computer programs and hacking IKEA furniture, but you can’t get laid, these researchers have something to tell you.

Ladies.

Before selecting a hobby to partake in, do you ask yourself:

1. Is this the SEXIEST hobby I could possibly undertake?

2. Will men be turned on by the way I spend my free-time?

3. How can I impress more men with the way I live my life?

If the answer is YES – researchers have answered your sexy hobby prayers.

The University of Pennsylvania have published a report on this very subject in the Journal of Creative Behaviour.  The Perceived Sexiness of creative activities ranks hobbies like making clothes, writing journal articles and interior decorating on a sliding scale from hot to not.

It showed that women like men who play sports, take roadtrips, make clever remarks and record music.

What do men like ladies to do?

Dancing.

Yep.

Dancing. A crazy sexual potion that men are irresistible to. It worked for Baby, she got out of the Dirty Dancing corner that her daddy put her in. It worked for Beyonce, Jay Z liked it so much he put a ring on it. It explains why when we’re in nightclubs, standing around our handbags doing it to Tay Tay, there are always little men that try and jostle in, caught up in our magnetic sex whirlpool.

Watch the 264 best dance scenes from films. (In four minutes).

If your hobbies include less jiggly activities such as writing an original computer program, presenting a mathematical research paper or constructing a technical object, these are all considered on the ‘not sexy’ end of the scale.

Sorry ladies who spend their spare time being productive. Your worthwhile pursuits are assessed as lacking in sexual appeal. Devastating for you, I’m sure.

Women with actual PhDs review ‘sexy PhD costumes’ on Amazon.

Surprisingly, sitting on the couch in tracksuit pants eating curry, spending hours on Pintrest and online shopping were not on the scale, which seems a massive oversight since these pursuits all take significant chunks of our leisure time.

Here’s a chart to study. Beware though, don’t let any men catch you – being smart is a decidedly non-sexy pursuit. Perhaps if they walk past you can just pop on some Bruno Mars and shimmy your shoulders.

Or you can just not bother and keep doing the hobbies that you like. In your tracksuit pants if you want.

Cos women don’t need to spend their free time doing hobbies that please men. Hobbies are for pleasing yourselves. And we happen to know PLENTY of men who would find a girl programming a computer PLENTY SEXY THANK YOU.

NOT THAT WE EVEN CARE WHAT YOU THINK BECAUSE HOBBIES ARE THERE TO MAKE US FEEL GOOD.  NOT BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO THINK SEXY THOUGHTS ABOUT US.

Ahem.

Yelling is probably on the unsexy scale. But I don’t really care.

Because pleasing yourself is a fairly sexy hobby if you think about it.