I want to start a discussion about sex. And no, this isn’t a discussion about vibrators, sexually transmitted diseases, protection, virgin, mother or whore, or fake orgasm (although that is somewhat related). No, this is a discussion about sexual satisfaction. Why is it that in the age of sexual liberation, Sex and the City stereotypes, clitoral stimulation contraception, and vulva, it’s still not appropriate to tell a man: “You’re not sexually satisfying me”, without being labelled a bitch.
I’m not being aggressive or offensive, I don’t want to intentionally injure anyone, or cause lifelong emotional scarring, I’m simply trying to provide you with constructive criticism for improvement.
For the past ten years I’ve been in a relationship with an unsatisfying lover. My (former) husband would relentlessly complain about our sex life being, put simply, not enough. And often I thought to myself: “Well, perhaps, if you spent a little more time pleasuring me rather than just yourself, our sexual interactions might increase”. But not once did I tell my ex-husband my frustration.
And I know what you’re thinking: “Maybe you’re the lazy one who refused to commit the effort to satisfy yourself”, but, you’re unequivocally, unabashedly, undeniably wrong! Sister, I’ve been there and done that! I’ve spoken dirty, dressed-up, role played, toys, tied up and been tied up, I’ve bought an enormous amount of ridiculously expensive lingerie, surprised my ex-husband with mid-afternoon sex, discussed back-door antics (thanks, but, no thanks), and twisted my body into every possible pretzel shape imaginable.