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For as long as I can remember, I've been a curious person. Curiosity has always been a driving force in my life, pushing me to explore new ideas, challenge my own boundaries, and seek out experiences that expand my understanding of the world.
But there are some curiosities you can never imagine acting on. Those quiet, unspoken thoughts that linger in the back of your mind, waiting for the right moment to surface. This is the story of one such curiosity, a journey I never thought I'd take, and the surprising clarity it brought me.
It all started with a thought. A fleeting, persistent thought that I couldn't shake. These thoughts first emerged when I was single and 24 years old — a time when I was still figuring out who I was and what I wanted in life.
They were subtle at first, like whispers in the background of my mind — easy to dismiss as passing musings. But then, years later, they returned, this time louder, more insistent, and impossible to ignore.
I was over 40, navigating a very different stage of life, and yet the same curiosity resurfaced, as if it had been patiently waiting for me to be ready.
Speaking of perimenopause, here are some early warning signs you might have missed. Post continues after video.
For years, I toyed with the idea, letting it dance around the edges of my thoughts. It always felt abstract, like something I'd never actually pursue, an idea that was intriguing but ultimately out of reach.
I tried to start conversations about it, but they were short, awkward, and quickly shut down, leaving me feeling like this curiosity was something I had to keep to myself. Still, the thought lingered, growing louder and more persistent with time, refusing to be silenced.
Then, one day, something shifted. It wasn't a dramatic revelation or a life-altering event, but rather an unassuming moment, a spark ignited by an unexpected conversation about brothels and massages, of all things.
It was as if an invisible door I hadn't even known existed suddenly creaked open, revealing a world I had never seriously contemplated.
A whirlwind of thoughts and questions.
That fleeting spark of inspiration pulled me into a whirlwind of thoughts and questions I couldn't seem to shake. It consumed my mind, filling my mental space with a mix of exhilaration and unease. As someone who had only ever been with men and lived a fairly routine sex life, I was completely baffled by where this was coming from.
As I approached a new phase in life — perimenopause at the age of 45 — I realised I didn't want to move forward without at least exploring this part of myself. It felt like a pivotal moment, a crossroads where I could either continue to suppress this curiosity or finally give myself permission to act on it.
I didn't want to look back with regret, wondering what might have been if I had only been brave enough to take the leap. I wanted to know what it would be like to be with a woman, just once.
No strings attached, no life-altering decisions, just an experience to satisfy my curiosity and bring me a sense of closure or understanding. It was during this time that I learnt there was even a term for what I was feeling: bicurious.
The word felt like a revelation, a way to articulate something I had struggled to define for so long. It gave me a sense of validation, a reminder that I wasn't alone in my curiosity and that it was okay to explore this part of myself.
This journey, which began as a quiet, persistent thought, had grown into something much larger: a path of self-discovery that I never expected to take but one that ultimately brought me closer to understanding who I truly am.
That's how I found myself booking a two-hour session with an escort. It wasn't a decision I made lightly, but it was one I approached with a sense of purpose and curiosity. She was kind, warm, and approachable — exactly what I needed to feel at ease.
Her photos weren't overly sexualised; she had curves and a natural beauty that felt comforting rather than intimidating. There was an authenticity about her that resonated with me, and I knew that if I was going to take this step, it had to be with someone who made me feel safe and understood.
This wasn't about leaving the wonderful life I already had; it was about exploring a part of myself I'd never given space to before, a part that had been quietly waiting for its moment.
A moment of self-discovery.
As the date approached, I found myself thinking about it constantly. It wasn't just the anticipation of the experience itself, but the significance of what it represented: a moment of self-discovery, a chance to answer questions I'd carried with me for years. We spoke briefly before the meeting, and those 15 minutes of conversation solidified my decision.
Her voice was calm and reassuring, and she had a way of making me feel like this was just another step in my journey, not something to be feared or over-analysed. I knew this was something I had to do, not for anyone else, but for myself.
To make the experience even more special, I decided to turn it into a mini getaway. I booked a city apartment for a few nights, a cosy retreat where I could relax, reflect, and prepare myself for what was to come.
It was indulgent in the best way, a chance to step away from the routines of daily life and create a space where I could fully embrace this moment. I treated myself to massages, enjoyed delicious meals, and allowed myself the luxury of simply being present.
It was as much about the journey as it was about the destination, and I wanted to savour every part of it.
The night finally arrived, and as I walked toward the meeting place, my stomach was a flurry of butterflies. I felt a mix of excitement and nervousness, wondering if it would be worth it, if it would live up to the expectations I'd built in my mind.
When I arrived, I was greeted by a warm, inviting apartment that felt like a home loved, cared for, and thoughtfully prepared. It immediately put me at ease, and I felt a sense of comfort that I hadn't expected. We shared wine, cheese, and easy conversation, and as the evening unfolded, I found myself relaxing into the moment.
The sexual tension in the room was palpable, but it wasn't rushed or overwhelming. It was a slow build, a natural progression that felt organic and unforced.
What struck me most was the chemistry. It wasn't forced or awkward; it felt natural, even fun. We laughed, we talked, and we connected in a way that felt genuine and real.
She shared that this kind of connection was rare for her, but something she genuinely enjoyed when it happened.
An enlightening experience.
There was something so different about being with a woman: the softness, the energy, the way it felt both familiar and entirely new. It was a kind of intimacy that I hadn't experienced before, and it gave me a new perspective on connection and desire.
And yet, by the end of the night, I knew one thing for certain: I'm all about men. The experience was enlightening, exciting, and something I'll never regret, but it also brought me a sense of clarity.
It gave me a deeper appreciation for my own sexuality and, surprisingly, it even improved my sex life. I walked away with no lingering questions, no "what ifs." I had explored, I had learnt, and I had grown.
It was a chapter in my story that I'll always cherish, not because it changed who I am, but because it helped me understand myself more fully.
Sometimes, life is about taking the leap, even if it's just to satisfy a curiosity. For me, this was one of those moments, a chance to step outside my comfort zone, to embrace the unknown, and to come out the other side with a greater sense of self.
I'll never die wondering, and for that, I'm grateful. This experience wasn't just about exploring my sexuality; it was about honouring my curiosity, trusting my instincts, and giving myself permission to live fully and authentically. It's a reminder that sometimes, the answers we seek are waiting just beyond the edge of our comfort zone, and all it takes is the courage to take that first step.
The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.
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Feature image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes).
