He says women just throw themselves at him. They say he's a serial pest.

He has been accused of work-place harassment many times, but he insists he is just a friendly guy. What’s the truth about Brian?

Uncomfortable and speechless. That’s how I felt leaving the room after watching SBS’s Insight episode on Sexual Harassment in the Workplace this week.

And it wasn’t just because of the unfathomable statistics on work place harassment, especially in the law and accounting professions, or even the low rate of reporting these.

It was mostly because of one man, an audience member named Brian. I really need to unpack Brian and everything he represents. And when you read and watch this episode, I think you will too.

Catherine Cahill, a HR and employee relations specialist at Work Sense Solutions, told the program there are basically two issues brought to her on a constant basis: The power play and the “office romance gone wrong”.

Our friend Brian, well, his is a bit of a different story. He isn’t harassing women from a position of power. No, his is more out of a desire to be desired. His misinterpretation of friendliness for flirting was illustrated time and time again to be nothing more than harassment, yet during the episode he maintained he was the victim.

Brian was fired on the ‘three strikes you’re out’ premise. He gave the Insight audience his version of events: “There was a young lady who was flirting with me at work and I asked her for a cup of coffee, if she wanted to go for a cup of coffee with me. She went down to the Human Resources department and complained of sexual harassment, they called me into the office and sacked me.”

Now, if we were to leave it right there, I think we can all agree, we’d be on Brian’s side right? I mean poor Brian, here he was just attempting to get to know a colleague a little better. A colleague, who according to Brian was “flirting” with him. Seems a little odd doesn’t it? Yeah, that’s because it is.

See, at his workplace, this was the FOURTH time Brian had been brought in for the same indiscretion.

When questioned, Brian admits: “Some months or years prior to that there was another young lady flirting with me over a period of weeks or months. I didn’t have anyone to turn to and ask, you know, how do I resolve this? I wrote her an email and the email basically said: ‘Yes, you’re playing on my mind, I can’t stop thinking about you, whenever I come to work, if there’s something going on between us, please let me know and if there isn’t, please just state that there isn’t and I’ll be able to move on’. She then she went to the Human resources department, complained about what was said and I was viewed as seemingly a pervert within the organisation.”

What, though, in Brian’s mind constituted flirting?

He maintains “looks and glances” from women in the workplace meant they were flirting with him.

He also told the story of how “another young lady sat down on a chair, as she did, she let her skirt ride up right to the top her thighs. This to me is flirting.”

When Jenny Brockie, the host of Insight points out that there seem to be “an extraordinary amount of women flirting with him”, Brian simply says “I don’t think it’s unusual to to believe that women are flirtatious”.

Oh boy.

Brockie then asks Brian if he’s reflected on his actions since being fired (and subsequently suing for wrongful dismissal). He says: “The implications are this: I don’t have any faith or trust in women and am unlikely to have a relationship with them again because I’m tired of being misinterpreted”.

Yep. He said that.

Also worryingly was his interpretation of a work dinner where a waitress “continuously walked in and out of the room and smiled at me”. When Brian asked her to join them at the end of the night, apparently she scoffed and walked away. He found this unacceptable.

So it would appear Brian has a big ‘ole case of delusion.

And I cannot express how disturbed I am that he wasn’t told by anyone in authority this one thing: No means no.

Now I want to qualify this by saying that I am conflicted. The largest, most dominant part of me wants to rip Brian to shreds for his actions and words. You’ll understand why when you watch him in action. The other part of me feels almost sorry for him. Clearly his understanding of social cues and interactions is so stunted and underdeveloped that he honestly believes he is the victim in this situation, a situation that has seen him make numerous women he works with feel so uncomfortable and badgered that they have repeatedly reported him for harassment, until he was eventually fired.

The truth is, after watching this episode, and not only because of the incomprehensible and puzzling Brian (not his real name), I was absolutely blindsided: That in 2015,there is still such a power-based sexual harassment culture alive and well in the workplace. That as much as things change, they remain the same, especially it would seem, in the ‘old boys’ network. That people – not just men – who find themselves in positions of power still take liberties with junior staff and still demand sexual repayment for promotion and opportunities. That attractive staff are still paraded in front of clients in hope of winning favour. How could I be so naive to the fact that this kind of sickening behaviour still goes on?

There are legal definitions of sexual harassment – we’ve listed them below. But I think one of the Insight audience members put it best: It is any conduct that is unwelcome, makes you feel uncomfortable or any conduct that is not consensual.

Jane Needham SC, the President of the NSW Bar association, recounted the time when she was a 28 year old junior solicitor and was sexually harassed by a judge at a bar function. A judge who just happened to be hearing one of her cases in the following week. “He left at the same time as I did and in the lift he tried to kiss me. I ducked and his tongue landed in my ear”. She admits that reporting him didn’t even cross her mind. That she understood the hierarchy and hoped that by rebuffing his advances, he would leave her alone.

To watch the entire program: press play below. It’s equal parts fascinating and unbelievable.

Another guest on the show said: “If my Uncle does this kind of thing, I know it’s not okay, but if it happens in my workplace I’m unsure if it’s just how the way the workplace operates”.

This is exactly why Sydney surgeon Dr Gabrielle McMullin caused an uproar recently when she said sexual harassment in hospitals is so rife that young trainees would be better off giving in to requests for sex than risk their careers by making a complaint. Two inquiries are currently underway in the medical profession to investigate.

How do we define sexual harassment in the workplace?

Legally, like this:

Sexual harassment is any unwelcome sexual behaviour which offends you, or makes you feel humiliated or intimidated. It’s against the law. It includes unwelcome:

• sexual advances: such as unwanted touching, patting, pinching or brushing against you in a sexual way, repeated unwanted requests to go out on dates, offensive telephone calls and indecent exposure, or
• requests for sexual favours; or
• sexual behaviour aimed at you or in your presence: such as unwanted sexual comments about your sex life or your appearance or body, or
• intrusive questions about your private life This can be spoken or in writing, for example through SMS texting, Facebook, or by displaying unwanted sexual posters or screen savers.

Understand this: at any point conduct from a work colleague, whether senior or not is either unwelcome or uncomfortable, report it. Immediately.

We also provide the following helplines and access to complaints if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable going to your company direct.

Helplines
• Lifeline: 13 11 14
• 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
• Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800
• MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78

Making a complaint

The Australian Human Rights Commission (AHRC) can investigate and resolve complaints of discrimination, harassment and bullying. Complaints must be made in writing or by email. Go to the Lodge a complaint page for more details.
Know Where the Line is a campaign by the Australian Human Rights Commission, Australian Council of Trade Unions and the Australian Chamber of Commerce and Industry. More information: https://knowtheline.humanrights.gov.au/

Have you been the subject of workplace sexual harassment? 

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