Parents, there’s something you need to know about the 'sex talk'.

By LISA MITCHELL

Parents, there’s something you need to know.

Teaching your kids about sex isn’t just about one lone conversation. The ‘sex talk’ – where you explain about the birds and the bees before the age of ten – is just the beginning of a conversation that will continue for almost a decade.

There’s that initial talk that’s innocent and sweet and starts off something like, “When a man and a woman love each other….” and you can bank on the fact they are going to have lots of questions. The questions will become harder and harder until one day, the questions just stop.

And the questions are replaced with silence, closed doors, whispered conversations and the old ‘freeze out’ for mum and dad.

That’s when you know it’s time for an even more difficult sex talk. I didn’t quite volunteer to be the one to have this particular conversation but because both my husband and I were reluctant to take on the job, we decided which of us would initiate it with a game of Paper Scissors Rock.

I lost.

 Just as an FYI, you should know that this post is sponsored by Nissan Pathfinder. But all opinions expressed by the author are 100% authentic and written in their own words. 

I tried to start the conversation at home a few times but he was just mortified by my attempts and he managed to flee. Teenage boys really are good at mumbling excuses as they exit a room, aren’t they?

So I sprung a bit of a trap. I’m teaching him how to drive at the moment and now that he’s getting really good at it and we’re focusing on fulfilling his hours by going on short half-hour drives whenever we can. And we’ve also been having some good chats at the same time.

You might think it’s not good to distract him while driving, but really, learning to concentrate while driving during awkward conversations is an essential driving skill. All you have to do to teach boys to improve their concentration skills while driving is to think of the most awkward topic of conversation possible between a mother and son, and the “Are you having sex?” talk is pretty much at the top of the list.

If they fall silent and pretend not to hear you, you know the answer is yes – or, at the very least, almost, or practically. The beauty of it is that in a car, they have nowhere to run. It’s the perfect environment for these tough but oh-so-important chats. And as an added bonus, you can control the radio, the volume, the temperature, because they are busy driving: in other words, you have all the power. Your teen has no choice but to engage in conversation in the car with you.

Jay McGraw, son of the one and only Dr Phil McGraw, is a bit of an expert on the subject of talking to kids about sex so before you bring up this particular topic mid-driving lesson, you’ll want to have done a bit of research. In fact, both Dr Phil and Jay got together to create a guide for parents. The highlights for me were:

1. Make sure your teens know what sex is, in all its forms. Sex isn’t just intercourse.

2. Don’t even bother starting the conversation unless you are willing to fess up and be honest.

3. Have that first talk early because if you don’t, they’ll hear about sex from their friends.

4. Kids are having sex younger these days, so keep the conversation going well into their teens.

5. Listen to them. Don’t just lecture them. Remember it is a conversation, not an inquisition.

6. Sex isn’t the only way to communicate with a potential partner. Spending time together is just as important.

You can read more of their helpful advice here.

So have the talk. If your teen responds in any way to what you are saying, then you’ve done well. Then just leave that conversation in the car, go home and let them relax.

They know where you are if they need to talk more. And I’d be pushing your partner in the firing line a few times as well, because let’s face it – you’ve done the bulk of it. Just make sure you are both on the same page. Make sure your partner has read McGraw’s tips as well.

And who knows – your other half might just learn something as well.

Do you have any advice on broaching the ‘sex talk’ with your kids? 

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