Dear Pregnant People: nobody cares about your "secret".

I’m prepared for the backlash against me for saying this – really I am.

I’m prepared to be called a wowser — a funbuster.

But I stand by this next statement with my hand on my heart.

I’m talking to you pregnant types. Those glowing slightly nauseous (usually first timers) browsing the expensive pram catalogues.

What is with this thing so many of you do when you find out the sex of your baby but you don’t tell anyone because it’s a ‘secret’.

Do you seriously think we care?

“We know” you say with a twinkle in your slightly puffy eyes, “But we aren’t telling”. YOU AREN’T TELLING.

This is what I want to reply: WHY NOT?

Because who honestly cares what the sex of your child is except you and your partner. Maybe any siblings your unborn baby has if they’re old enough. Grandparents, sure.

But the rest of us? I’m telling you now. We might smile and act interested. We might prod and poke a little to find out because it’s mildly annoying not to know a secret. But we are just being polite.

We don’t care. Your secret is really only interesting to you.

We will coo politely at your ultrasound pic, and happily talk bassinet-or-cot for a few minutes, sure.

But as for the sex. It’s your baby.

Glad it’s healthy. Glad it’s making you happy.

Boy or girl? Couldn’t give a fig.

Surveys show that just over half of all new parents do find out the sex of their baby. With that figure slightly rising for subsequent children. No surveys have been done as far as I know on those who “keep-it-a-secret.” But it seems to me it’s a lot of you these days.

I hope I haven’t offended many of my friends. I know some of you did find out the sex and keep it a secret from the world and at the time I pretended I cared and played along.

And the truth is I am really happy you are pregnant. I love babies. I love kids and I think you will experience the most amazing soul-grounding love you will ever know in your lives when you become parents.

But I’m honestly just happy about the fact you are having a baby. When it comes to the silly guessing games over the sex, well, you may as well have offered me alcohol-free wine. I’m just not sure of the point of it.

Fortunately, I’ve never been invited to a gender-reveal party because I’ve heard they’re a thing now and I am kind of gob-smacked that people could seriously throw one and expect their friends and family to attend with a gift. Also, who has the time and money for a party to tell all your friends about your unborn baby’s genitals?

If you really want to keep a secret – aim higher – those 11 secret herbs and spices maybe, or the design of the next iPhone. Those are some good secrets. Then we really would be interested.

Did you or anyone you know keep the sex of your child a secret?