'I checked my 13-year-old daughter's browsing history and what I found shocked me.'

Melissa* doesn't make a habit of checking her daughter's browsing history. But when she noticed her 13-year-old being acting differently than usual, she decided to take a look.

"I stumbled across some sites that didn't seem age-appropriate," Melissa told Mamamia.

New research has shown that, since 2018, the average age at which girls are first viewing pornography has dropped to 13.6, as per Our Watch.

Watch: The basics of sexual consent. Post continues after video.

"It was nothing too crazy that I saw," continued Melissa.

"But I'll admit it did shock and worry me. I understand being curious at her age, but I'm concerned about the accessibility of this sort of thing online. I don't want to invade her privacy, but I worry about what she could be seeing."

It's no secret that young people are digital natives. According to Act For Youth, the vast majority of adolescents (aged 13 to 17) have access to smartphones (95 per cent), desktop or laptop computers (90 per cent), and tablet computers (65 per cent). Almost all teenagers (96 per cent) reported using the internet daily.

"Young people are using digital platforms as a way to access information, much more so than maybe their parents or their teachers have been used to," Consent Labs CEO Angelique Wan told Mamamia. 

"The adults in these young people's lives don't know how to have the conversation, because they probably don't know the ins and outs."

Melissa wasn't angry with her daughter, but talking about it with her wasn't easy.

"She didn't really want to open up with me out of embarrassment, but she told me she and her friends had been discussing things and were curious."

According to Wan, it's normal for young people — and not just boys — to have questions about sex and relationships.

"It is a reality that young people are online and are really comfortable navigating the online space, and using it as a platform for information seeking," she said. "Particularly if they don't see good quality sex education, either in a classroom or from the parents and carers, or they don't feel safe to ask questions.

"I would hazard a guess that perhaps, as we see more young people use digital platforms, that might be one of the factors that has led to them using those platforms to ask questions or to seek information, and perhaps that's why they're accessing porn."

The Consent Labs founder emphasised that pornography "is not inherently bad or immoral".

"We view pornography as a form of media, and it sits alongside media, like mainstream TV shows and movies as you might watch on Netflix or any other streaming platform," she said.

"And I think, across all types of media, you can have really positive but also really harmful representations of what consent does or doesn't look like, what bodies look like, what different sort of gender roles [look like], how they manifest."

That is certainly a concern of Melissa's.

"I worry about what type of adult content she might stumble across, especially if it is violent or degrading to women. I don't want her to develop unhealthy ideas about consent, intimacy, and what a loving relationship looks like. I don't want her to think that violence or disrespect is normal."

Wan agrees that these things, particularly lack of consent, are normalised not only in porn but on our screens in general.

"You don't often see people ask for or give consent," she shared. "You don't see that conversation happen. When you don't see it in the media that you're watching, I think you could start to think that that's what a normal interaction looks like. That could influence how young girls view what is normal in those interactions."

The past few years have seen positive strides in consent education for schools. Thanks to Chanel Contos' Teach Us Consent campaign, the government mandated consent education in the national curriculum from 2023.

So, where are the gaps?

"I really believe that education around media literacy and supporting young people to be able to critically analyse what they're seeing on screen, and question whether that is something that should be reflected in their interactions in real life — that skill is something we really need to nurture in young people, and I believe it can be done in an age-appropriate way," Wan told Mamamia.

"The other thing about education is that its role should be preventative. So if we know that, on average, young people and young girls are accessing or first seeing porn at 13.6 years old, we need to have conversations about those media literacy skills before that age."

Through this form of education, young people can make "informed choices" says Wan.

"They know what it is they're seeing, and more importantly, they know who to speak to if they need to ask for help if they have a question."

Melissa isn't certain what sort of sex education her daughter is receiving at school, but worries they are not doing enough. The mother agrees that media literacy would be a step in the right direction.

"As long as she is aware of what is 'normal' when it comes to sex, I think that is so important," she shared.

And it's not just teachers and parents who have a role to play, explains Wan.

"All adult stakeholders play a really important role in young people's lives and how they develop an understanding of what a relationship looks like," she said. "I think we sort of speak about it as a whole and community approach."

With Consent Labs — a national, youth-led not-for-profit working to end sexual violence in Australia — Wan and her team have educated more than 100,000 people in Australia.

"We work with the students themselves to deliver consent education, media literacy, education, but we also work with their teachers, their parents and carers to make sure there's that shared language, and also that the adult stakeholders feel supported and feel up to date."

Melissa is the first to admit that she isn't as "digitally savvy" as her daughter, and would struggle to stop her from accessing adult content entirely.

"I just want her to have a healthy understanding of relationships as she grows up," she said.

"I know I can't stop her from being curious, but I want to protect her as much as I can."

*Melissa is known to Mamamia but has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Getty.