'I'm 53, single, and have never desired sex more. It makes people uncomfortable.'

Let me be very clear, this is not a story about sex. Sure, sex is a big part of my story, but the real story is about so much more. It's about this curious stage of life I find myself in. A stage where I feel like I don't quite fit in. I'm 53 years old, have been divorced for nearly nine years, and I've recently ended a relationship of three years. My kids are grown and have left home. I have a successful career and on paper; I have an awesome life.

And here comes the however... I can't quite shake the feeling that I don’t fit the mould of what society tells women over 50 they are supposed to look and feel like. With the welcomed rise in the awareness of one of women’s most misunderstood phases of life, the menopause, has come a bounty of blogs, podcasts, websites, and Instagram posts that inform us about all the negative effects of menopause. The awful impact on our bodies, our relationships, our overall physical, emotional, and mental health. There is so much information about women's lack of sex drive, HRT, hot flushes, dry vaginas, the list goes on and on and on.

Watch: We've asked the Mamamia team on the weirdest place they've had sex. Post continues after video.

However, what about those of us that, sure, are going through 'the change' but still feel good? What about those of us who still want to be with someone, still want to have sex and in fact feel more confident and in touch with their sexuality than ever? What about those of us who still have a healthy libido, who still want to fall in love, go on a great date, have amazing sex? More importantly, what about women over 50 who want to talk about all the above without feeling like it's some kind of taboo topic.

As I mentioned, I'vve recently ended a relationship of three or so years with a wonderful man who unfortunately wanted to be free of the ties of a relationship. The heartbreak of losing that relationship has been devastating and all-consuming. There is so much I miss about this man, too much to mention here however one thing I really miss is an incredible sex life. Being older and having the freedom to be confident, open, honest in the bedroom is an amazing gift. I learnt so much in that relationship about my sexuality. I have never felt younger or freer or more confident than I do at this stage of my life.

But what I have found interesting is that when I have bought up the topic of sex with my women friends who are both married and single, but all in the early 50s, I feel like I hit a brick wall and an uncomfortable cloud seems to descend. You know that pesky intuition that simmers below the surface that sends warning bells when you start to speak, and you can just feel the energy in the room change. When the eyes divert, when the subject gets changed, or a joke is made to divert the attention from the subject at hand. 

That's the feeling I get when I bring up the topic of sex, dating, romance, love and my recent heartbreak with women of my age. Is it taboo for women of a certain age to say they enjoy sex, want sex, want romance, even love? Just because my ovaries no longer work, surely that doesn't mean the rest of me, the sexual me, is supposed to pull up stumps? Most women I know are married, (happily or unhappily) and seem to have lost touch with their sexual selves. I get the distinct impression they just don't want to talk about sex, especially if it’s a positive conversation coming from someone who hasn’t lost their libido or desire to find a lover.

Listen to 456 Club where hosts Narelda Jacobs and Cathrine Mahoney is joined by Susan Jarvis, in her 50s and having the most passionate sex of her life. Post continues below.

I know that sex isn’t the be all and end all when you have been married or in a relationship for many years. I understand companionship and friendship are the truly beautiful qualities to a long loving relationship and I applaud the women I know in one. It’s rare and a thing of beauty. However, what of us who find themselves single and over 50? What of us who want to meet a partner, a committed lover, later in life and want to talk about the desire to do so?

The single women I know appear to have resigned themselves to a life on their own, they say they are happy on their own and don't want or need a partner. I speak to a lot of women who simply say they have given up. But I just don’t feel that way and it’s a lonely place to be.

I don't want to give up on love or great sex. I don't resonate with Miley Cyrus... I don't want to buy myself flowers; I don't want to hold my hand; I don't want to take myself dancing... FFS! Don't get me wrong, I love going on holidays with my girlfriends, going out to dinner, hanging out, but this whole notion that we don't need a partner or want a partner at this age just doesn’t resonate with me. And let me be very clear… I don't need or want one for security or money, I have that covered all on my own. I want one because it feels good! Surely there are other women who feel like I do?

Feature Image: Getty.

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