SEX DIARIES: I went to a sex club for a first date. Here's exactly what happened.

I went to a sex club and I need to tell you what happened. Immediately. 

Let me start this by saying: I believe in monogamy. That’s not to say I don’t see the appeal in exploring sex with multiple partners.

I’m not naïve enough to think that my future partner is only going to be attracted to me for the rest of his life.

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However, I do believe we can choose to not act on those instant attractions.

So, it may come as a surprise that I wanted to go to a sex party. Because you’d think the whole point of a sex party is to be... adventurous.

But that’s not the case at all. Let’s rewind, shall we?

A few months ago, I was doing my daily 9pm browse on the apps. An hour and many swipes later, I matched with a South American man, let’s call him Jack, and started chatting. We exchanged Instagrams, and he asked me what my weekend plans were.

Me: "Ahh, not much probably going to keep it quite low key. How about you?"

Him: "I’ve got drinks with friends on Wednesday, soccer Thursday and Friday I’ve got an, errr, interesting party."

Me: "Interesting how?"

Him: "It’s sexual in nature."

Immediately, I was intrigued. I mean, wouldn’t you be? A slew of messages later, I’d gotten the name of the company (Allure), and slid into their DMs.

As it turns out, they needed to "vet" me before they could give me the link, complete with passcode to buy tickets.

Ten minutes later, two tickets were on their way to my inbox, complete with an info sheet on the dress code and rules to follow. Friday rolled around and I was experiencing every emotion from anxiety, stress, excitement, fear - my stomach was in knots.

I had no idea what to expect, but I had managed to convince one of my friends, Vanessa, to come with me.

All we knew was to dress the part, because according to my hinge match - everyone got "very into it". And if you’re wondering what the theme was, it was 'Slumber Party'.

Cliché, but easy enough to pull off with two days notice.

The plan was that we’d meet Jack and his friend, Rebecca, at her place, have a few drinks and then head off to the club around 10pm. Online dating is hard enough as it is, but let me tell you, it’s a whole new level of bizarre when you meet each other for the first time... in lingerie.

And it gets even stranger when you walk into their friend's apartment and realise that they’re actually FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.

To say the night started off awkwardly was an understatement. 

I know I’m writing this anonymously, so it’s hard to picture my personality, but typically I’m quite extroverted. In this situation however, I didn’t know how to act, so I stayed quiet. One part of me wanted to get to know Jack, but every time I tried, it felt like I was intruding on a date between him and Rebecca.

Add to the fact that my friend Vanessa is bi-curious, as is Rebecca, and the sexual tension – not to mention my anxiety – was through the roof. Despite feeling a little uncomfortable, we made our way to The Secret Spot which was pretty inconspicuous. Think a large black door with white cursive logo scrawled across.

No light, no big sign – you’d easily walk past it if you didn’t know about it.

Entry was just like any other club, so my nerves started to settle as security gave my license a once over.

As we walked through the entryway covered by curtains, I realised that I was very overdressed.

In the first 30 seconds of being there, I’d already seen more naked bodies than I had this past year.

Girls were dressed in sheer lingerie or none at all, with men in boxers and robes.

Having opted for a short black slip dress, I felt out of place. I quickly made my way to the bathroom and pulled off the dress, revealing a sheer black body suit and pulled on silky pjs shorts.

It was still a lot of clothing, but I didn’t feel comfortable with that many eyes on me in just my bodysuit.

After I changed, we all decided to explore.

The club, which is actually a swingers' club, had three levels. The level you enter on which has a pool table, bar, a dj, dance floor and tee pee tents set up across the back.

Walk upstairs and you find yourself in a narrow hallway facing a glass room with nothing but a sex swing inside.

"As we walked through the entryway covered by curtains, I realised that I was VERY overdressed." Image: Supplied.

If you turn left, you have four private rooms complete with a double beds. Take a right and you’ll walk through a room with lockers into a bigger room filled with another four beds... But they’re not private.

All the beds are open, and available for anyone and everyone to use them. And if sharing a bed with strangers isn’t for you, there’s six open showers for you to get down to business.

Or... You can just watch. Vouyerism at its finest.

As for the final level, the basement, it is filled with whips, chains, handcuffs and other kinks. Think Christian Grey’s room of pleasure, but bigger.

Walking through each level was a sensory overload. From naked bodies pressed up against walls to beds covered with all combinations of horny people, every fantasy imaginable was being played out in front of me.

But yet, I found myself feeling extremely uncomfortable and surprisingly turned off. And as someone who is quite a sexual person, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t relax in this situation.

It wasn’t even that I felt judgement to act or look a certain way – after all, there were bodies of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and ages. It was just that I couldn’t get out of my own head. And because I was trapped in my own mind, it reflected in my body language.

On the other hand, Vanessa, Josh, and Rebecca weren’t facing the same challenges I was.

Within the first hour, each of them had found themselves lip-locked with various strangers, whilst I stood back and watched.

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It wasn’t long before Vanessa and Rebecca began hooking up and left with Josh and two other club-goers for a private room.

As I watched my friend walk away, I found myself observing an orgy happening in front of me. It was beautiful, disgusting and fascinating all at the same time.

I was just about to leave when a guy I hadn’t seen before asked me, "Is this your first time here?" I nodded and continued to watch the entanglement of limbs in front of me.

"It’s pretty intense, hey. It’s my second time here. Is it a science experiment for you or are you into this?" he continued.

"I’m just taking it all in... it’s overwhelming for sure," I replied turning to look at him.

We began chatting and within seconds I felt my energy shift from closed to open. He told me his name was Ryan.

"You’ve got beautiful eyes," he said. "Do you mind if I kiss you?"

Usually, I hate when guys ask to kiss me, but in this situation I appreciated the gesture. I remembered one of the rules from the information sheet "always ask, never assume" and "no means no".

I nodded, and we began kissing. 

His lips were soft, plump and felt delicious. I could feel the heat between my thighs rising as his fingers traced my body. Peeling off my shorts and exposing my breasts, I found myself completely naked with 50 odd strangers within minutes.

All the discomfort I felt before had vanished. I wanted more. I needed more. He began fingering me and just when I begged him to f**k me, he stopped and whispered into my ear: "How do you feel about women?"

A little taken aback, I replied, "Umm... I’m definitely straight, why?"

"I’ve got a very friendly girlfriend, can I bring her over? She would love you."

I nodded. "Let’s do it."

A woman with curly hair and beautiful brown eyes walked towards us and introduced herself.

"Hi, I’m Lucy, you’re so sexy, do you mind if I kiss you?" I was beginning to like this couple. Respectful and complimentary.

As Ryan resumed fingering me, Lucy placed her lips on mine and began kissing me. Slowly at first, then with more intensity. It felt... different.

The chemistry wasn’t quite there as it was with Ryan, but I was still turned on. I wanted to experience this with them both. And I didn’t even care about the people watching us, but I knew that having sex on a bed that had seen at least 30 other people's bodily fluids was probably not smart or safe.

So I guided them to a private room, put on a fresh set of sheets and began caressing them both.

Ryan took charge. He asked me my preference – condom or no condom (always wear a condom ladies) – and entered me from behind.

As her partner began to thrust inside me, slow at first, then faster and faster, Lucy began sucking on my breasts. Her fingers making their way to my clitoris.

Just as I was on the edge, her tongue circled my clit whilst she gently rolled my nipples between her fingers. That was all it took. The sensation of her warm tongue on my clit, Ryan thrusting inside me and her playing with my nipples sent me. My whole body began shaking, I was cumming hard and fast.

And damn it felt good.

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I knew it was my turn to please them. As I watched Ryan f**k Lucy, I mentally prepared myself to eat out her pussy.

As a straight woman, I’d never been that close to a vagina before. Sure, I’d kissed a few girls at university, but nothing more. Just as I was about to go down on her, we heard a voice outside.

"YOU’VE BEEN IN HERE LONGER THAN FIVE MINUTES, IT’S TIME TO LEAVE."

Ryan threw the door open and said he needed another five minutes, which they graciously gave us. After we resumed, I felt my mind switch on. My tongue circled her clit, and she began to moan – but my heart wasn’t in it. 

Fortunately for me, we had an abrupt end to our experience because we’d surpassed yet another five minutes. After getting dressed and sanitising (because did you even have a threesome in covid times unless you sanitised afterwards?), I knew it was time to leave.

I thanked both Lucy and Ryan for taking my threesome virginity and being so respectful throughout. They asked me to switch numbers.

So we did.

I found Vanessa and we debriefed in the car ride home. Turns out her fivesome was even more fun than mine, and she and Rebecca were going to hang out again. I took a long hot shower when I got home and wrote the whole thing off as one of those crazy nights.

A few days later, Lucy’s name popped up on my phone, inviting me out for a drink. As it turned out, I was the highlight of both her and Ryan’s night and they wanted to see me regularly. I declined her invitation, explaining that open relationships went against my own belief system. Whilst it may not feel like cheating to her, I would always feel like the other woman.

And whilst I know that humans are primal creatures and can form sexual connections with many people, what this experience taught me was that I can’t.

I need some emotional connection (no matter how small) for me to let my guard down sexually. That’s why the physical stuff felt better with Ryan. He took an interest (albeit brief) in getting to know me. 

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the experience, I did. But would I do it again? Probably not. Because the last thing I want is my mind to switch on and be thinking during sex. Oh, and as for Jack, we promptly unfollowed each other on Instagram.

So if there’s one thing you take away from this article, let it be this: Put yourself in uncomfortable situations, because that’s when you learn the most about yourself.

... And NEVER meet your hinge match at a sex club. Because it probably won’t end the way you think it will. 

Feature Image: Supplied and Getty.