'I'm a parenting expert and swear by this 3-word hack for kids with separation anxiety.'

Gen Muir is a Parent Educator, mum of four and host of Mamamia's How To Build a Universe podcast.

Separation is tough for kids. As a mum to four boys, I have had my fair share of tricky farewells and am no stranger to bursting into tears in the car park after yet another awful drop-off.

When my youngest son started kindy, he struggled with the drop-off. He would start delaying or resisting from the moment he woke up, cling to the inside of our van, and beg for a day off. He would cry at the gate in front of EVERYONE.

My son's struggle to separate and his eventual adjustment to kindy are all rooted in attachment. For our kids, we are their safe base. When they need to separate from us, they must find security in a new environment. That's a huge ask.

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A tearful goodbye is not an indication that our child doesn't like pre-school or school. In fact, many kids who struggle the most at drop-off have a ball the rest of the day. It's the parents who spend the morning worried out of their minds before hearing from a teacher that their child settled down right away.

A lot of helping kids to have a better drop-off lies in the way we talk to them about it beforehand and how we manage the actual farewell.

What if three simple words could turn tearful goodbyes into confident see-you-laters?

The power of 'I hear you'.

These three words — 'I hear you' — are more than just a reassurance; they stand apart from common phrases like 'you're okay' or 'but you love it at school' because the power of these three words lies in truly acknowledging your child's emotions instead of minimising them. 

Using the simple phrase 'I hear you' reinforces connection and helps children feel understood, easing their transition.

It needs to be done at the right time though, so below are five tips to help guide you through tricky separations.  Listen below to Gen Muir's new co-listening podcast for kids. Post continues below.

Five ways to ease separation anxiety.

1. Use "I Hear You".

If your child says, "I don't want to go to kindy!" Instead of brushing it off or trying to fix it right away, try responding with: "I hear you". You might add "Saying bye to Mummy is hard, isn't it? I wonder what we can do to stay connected while we're apart?" This helps validate their feelings and opens the door to problem-solving together.

2. Check in with how you're feeling.

It's important to ask yourself how you are feeling about separating from your child.

Often, we focus on our child's anxiety and forget to check in with our own emotions. Maybe you're anxious because of a previous bad experience or sad because your child is growing up. These feelings make sense, but it's important to be aware of what we're bringing to the table.

When we struggle with separation — or struggle because our child is struggling — our child picks up on this. It can add to their feelings that maybe something about separating isn't safe.

A way to keep our emotions from impacting our child is to acknowledge them: "Yep, I'm feeling worried about drop-off. That makes sense; it was so hard last time, and it's tough seeing my child upset."

From there, you can remind yourself of the facts: "Even though she cried so much at drop-off, she settled within five minutes and had a great day. I know she's safe and loves playing with her friends."

3. Talk about feelings, not avoid them.

Sometimes we avoid bringing up the upcoming separation because we don't want to make it worse. But talking to your child about their emotions before separating is one of the best ways to help them. It gives them a chance to process their feelings outside of the pressure of the moment, making the experience less intense at the gate.

Many kids benefit from visual reminders of what's coming. A whiteboard with your child's weekly schedule can help little ones, while older kids might prefer a list. When kids can see what's coming, their brains get a chance to prepare emotionally.

4. Connection matters.

Our kids do so much better when they feel connected with us.

Paediatrician Donald Winnicott introduced the idea that children form a mental picture of their relationship with their parents. This internal connection helps them feel secure, even when they're apart. So they can access those feelings of security even when apart. This connection acts like an 'invisible string' that gives them just enough of us to feel okay.

Many kids benefit from a connection ritual: a special handshake, keeping an object of yours in their pocket, or drawing a heart on each of your hands as a 'connection button.' Others prefer a transitional object — like my son's Sonic toy — giving them just enough of home to feel safe.

Mini moments of connection before school also help. Simply noticing them with, "Wow, you jumped so high on the trampoline this morning!" or offering an extra hug can make a big difference.

5. Believe in your child.

Most parents can relate to that feeling of bursting into tears after a horrible drop-off. It's never easy—even when we later find out our child settled 'right away.'

But what I've come to realise is that a difficult goodbye is not a sign something is wrong. It's a normal and natural response from a securely attached child.

The final step in easing separation anxiety is believing in your child. A child struggling to go to daycare, preschool, or school is doing their absolute best —and this, too, will pass. Part of believing in them is walking away with confidence when the time is right.

Children pick up on our belief in them. If the centre of their world knows they'll be okay, it helps them believe it, too.

And they will be okay. I promise you.

Gen Muir is an obstetric social worker, parent educator and mum to four boys with a passion for helping parents in the first five years of parenting. You can find her on Instagram @connectedparentingau or on her website.

What are your tips for easing separation anxiety? Share in the comments below.

Feature Image: Supplied/Tess Donohue Photography.