Beware: Selective schools may save you money, but they could cost you big time.

In New South Wales, this week a record number of Year 6 children  – nearly 15,000 – sat the exam for selective high schools.

In Victoria, students will sit their selective test in June. In Queensland, there are three specialist state high schools that offer places for the right high-achieving Year 10-12 students.

Urban parent legend has it that if you get your kids into a selective high school, you and your child are SET FOR LIFE.

Firstly, you get a premium education without paying potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in private school fees. And private schooling, not public, is often the other option for exam attendees. The latest research from The University of Technology Sydney, as reported in The Age, finds that in New South Wales, “74 per cent of students attending Sydney’s select-entry schools are from the most advantaged families compared to two per cent from the most disadvantaged.”

Really, does homework make any difference?

Secondly, your child is not only assured a coveted spot at university, they will get into the most prized courses at university.

The ones that will make them doctors, lawyers, dentists, finance wizards, architects, psychologists, physiotherapists et al. The vocational degrees that are commensurate with the highest salaries. No Arts degrees to see here.

So by the age of 11, 12, maybe 13, smart little Alfie or Annie has life all sorted. Mapped out. Done. Tick. Go straight to a very happy, comfortable retirement playing golf and enjoying pilates in The Game of Life.

Except that doesn’t happen, because life isn’t that simple.

I have now seen seven children get into selective schools, three are still there. One dropped out of school altogether in Year 11, two moved schools and the last one is on anti-anxiety medication and taking a break.

Getting into a selective school is just the beginning of the academic arms race. Once there, with feet tucked under desks and all the wonders of the world to discover, students need to keep their marks competitive with the “brightest and the best”. Kids who study four, five, six or more hours a day. From Year 7.

I’ve heard of Year 8 selective school students being found asleep on bathroom floors at 4am because they have been up all night studying. Of birthday parties and family functions that can never be attended because there’s tutoring to go to. Of medicated kids. Of children who move from bright and carefree to dark and heavy. Of kids quitting team sport at 13 because there is simply no time. Of girls constantly being told they are “too noisy” opening their books in whisper quiet classrooms. Of school life becoming solely about academic results.

Yes, every child is different and some can handle (even thrive in) different depths of pressure – many try their hardest but can’t. And yes, there are schools other than selective that are academically demanding and rigorous, but selective schools are the ones already “privileged” parents are fighting for and the ones parents believe to be the “golden ticket”. Just swap all those Willy Wonka lollies for really, really high grades.

Last year, I had to make the choice whether my daughter sat the selective school test. I made it in a heartbeat. No. I didn't feel as though I was denying her an opportunity, I felt I was saving her.

Why would I want to put her up against children who have been tutored for this exam for years? Why would I want to send her to a school where the norm is an abnormal obsession with hours spent studying? Why wouldn't I want her to live, in those precious, emotional and transformational years between 12 and 18, without the core of who she is being reduced to the mark she received in her last assessment?

Getting your child into a selective school is not a golden ticket. There are some parents who balk at the intensity and competitiveness of those kinds of educational environments - and, no, we are not all into home-schooling, child-led curriculum and 24/7 art projects.

We want our children to achieve, but in that now seemingly quaint, old fashioned way our parents wanted for us. We want our children to do their best. Then move on. Next part of life. Get out into the world and live.

We are not seeking hyper-competitive environments for our children because they are already trying to exist and grow alongside the most stressed and medicated children in history.

"The number of children aged between 10 and 14 given antidepressants jumped by more than a third, while anti-psychotic medications rose by almost 50 per cent," a 2014 study by The University of Sydney reports.

"One in four young Australians aged 16-24 years will experience mental illness in any given year," an Australian Government report on child and youth mental health services finds.

"Anxiety in our kids has reached crisis levels, with school counsellors and psychologists reporting kids as young as five self-harming and feeling immense pressure to keep up with their peers at school," The Daily Telegraph reports.

What does it say about modern parenting that, despite the rise in mental health issues, self harm and medication being prescribed for children, so many parents are flocking in numbers bigger than ever to sign their kids up for an exam that will place their child in one of the most fiercely competitive, stressful academic environments in the country?

I have a friend who was told by everyone, including teachers, she should make her son take the New South Wales selective test this week. He had been the dux at his primary school for years and is one of those bright kids who cruises through academically with ease.

He is exactly the kind of child I thought selective schools were designed for. Shouldn't the kids who get into selective schools be the ones who don't need to study for years for the entry exam, but who naturally have the ability on the day?

But my friend never sent him this week.

"I think going to a school like that would crush him."

She's right. Being a really, really smart boy is only one part of who he is. There is so much more to discover in the next six years.

Would you send your child to a selective school? Would you let them sit the test in the first place?