12 women on the one secret they have never told their partner.

I once knew a girl who, for years, told her partner she loved spicy food. 

Every night, she would watch with fake alacrity as he smothered their dinners in chilli oil. Eating the dish through sweat and tears, she would proclaim, "So good; needed more chilli though!".

When I asked her the reason for her deceit, she said, "I told him I loved spicy food on our first date to impress him. I'm in too deep now."

To this day, she hasn't told him.

Watch: The number one cheating sign that everyone misses. Post continues after video.

While most of us aren't feigning a chilli addiction with our partners, my friend isn't exactly an anomaly here when it comes to keeping secrets in relationships. And there are many reasons why we do it.

"Not all secret keeping is intentional," psychologist Carly Dober told Mamamia. "It might just be something that one person didn't believe warranted a conversation, and some people also enjoy having little things that aren't harmful or hurtful to themselves.

"Intentional secret keeping, on the other hand, might be due to a few reasons — to avoid having difficult conversations, to keep their partner from knowing particular things about their life or about themselves, or to avoid potential repercussions of behaviour. Some people might also be embarrassed to share things that may have happened in their younger years or decisions that they made, and this secret is something for them to hold."

How much we share and don't share "exists on a spectrum".

"We always want to reflect on the reasons we are keeping something secret," she explained.

Dober suggested considering how we would feel if the tables were turned and our partner was keeping the secret from us, and whether withholding the information "is hurtful or harmful in any way".

"This will support our ethical decision-making when it comes to information sharing," she said.

Privacy in relationships can also be healthy.

"Just make sure you're acting in accordance with your values and you do keep your partner in mind. Everyone is different, and all couples will be different," said Carly.

Some secrets, like disliking spicy food, are mostly inconsequential. But others carry the kind of weight that relationships don't always survive.

We asked women to share the secrets they keep from their partners. From small and silly to heavy and haunting, here's what they said.

The secrets women keep from their partners.

"I told him I'd wait for him to finish work so we could finish a show together. I secretly watched the last three episodes before he got home and then pretended I was watching them for the first time with him."

"Sometimes I fake needing a nap just so I can lie in bed alone and scroll memes in peace."

"I put cauliflower in some of his meals even though he says he doesn't like it. I just blend it up so he can't see it. I did it last night and he said dinner was 'delicious'!"

"His coffee tastes like s**t!! But every morning I take it in my keep cup as he loves to think he's doing something nice for me 🤣."

"I get Botox and have been for five years. My husband of 15 years thinks I'm naturally youthful and would die at the amount I spend on it. He wouldn't be mad; I just like having a little mystery in our relationship."

"Clothes I spend a lot of money on. I keep in my mum's closet at her house. Not that it would bother him that much, but I make such a big deal when he spends money. I'm a hypocrite."

"I secretly put money away, week after week, to purchase a handbag worth $5,500. I paid cash, he still has no idea how much that bag cost… We are saving for a house!!!"

"This sounds boastful but I had two guys both trying to get my 'attention'. I slept with guy number one, then got with guy number two, who is now my husband. He asked me [about it] once and I lied. I still feel guilty, but I think telling him now would do more harm than good."

"How wild I was in my younger partying days. Married an ultra-conservative very religious man who's a dream to be married to, but he's got no idea the party animal I used to be."

"With my second child, I had amniocentesis (a medical procedure used primarily in the prenatal diagnosis of genetic conditions). I wanted to know the gender but my (then) husband did not. I happened to be at an appointment alone so I asked. I told no one."

"I have told my partner that my colleague hit on me during a conference and nothing happened, but I slept with him numerous times on work trips. I still work with this colleague, which makes it very awkward!!!!"

"That I was madly and deeply in love with a close family friend for years before my partner and I met."

Some secrets are silly. Others are heavy. But we all have them in some form.

Ironically, for my friend, all of those years of chilli-coated dinners have improved her spice tolerance. And the other night, at a girl's dinner, she voluntarily ordered a hot curry. So, maybe she isn't lying now, after all.

Feature Image: Getty.