'Anything but clothes' parties and bootleg booze: What the passengers don't see on a cruise ship.

More than 1.2 million Aussies took an ocean cruise holiday last year, with the industry experiencing growth that exceeds even pre-COVID levels. 

Freeflowing booze, gorgeous port destinations and endless at-sea fun means cruising is a constantly popular choice for Australians on holiday — but how much do we really know about what goes on behind the scenes?

Watch: What it's like on a cruise. Post continues below.

Apart from the scandalous titbits we see on shows like Below Deck, which glamorise the world of crew working on luxury yachts, life behind the service veil on commercial cruise ships has remained largely mysterious.

Nathan Cassar, a professional MC who spent five years working as an entertainer on cruise ships, says that what guests don't know could fill a book — one several people have suggested that he write over the years.

"I think guests would be surprised by a lot of the things that go on, but also about what life is really like for crew," he told Mamamia.

"Depending on where you sit in the hierarchy of staff, the majority will have to share a cabin, and sometimes a bathroom. And while I never encountered food that was off or past its used-by date, it definitely wasn't up to the same standard as that of paying guests. The majority of staff aren't eating the high-quality sirloin steaks that are being served up on the higher levels."

Here, he spills the tea on some of the wildest open secrets in the cruise industry.

Stripes privilege.

High-ranking officers on a cruise ship (many of the staff at an executive level) are referred to as 'stripes' because of their uniforms. According to Nathan, many of these staff members were known for getting involved with dancers, spa staff, and entertainers in particular — despite many of them having families back home.

"No one officially acknowledges it, but everyone knows," he explained.

"When a new crew of dancers would come aboard, you'd always see a whole bunch of officers in the front rows, checking out the show.

"They'd know precisely who was coming aboard because you can look it up on the intranet, but without fail, they'd always come down to check them out and take their pick of who they were going to try to flirt with."

Ew.

In spite of the fact that many of these employees had partners and families back home, Nathan said staying out of other people's business was part of the unofficial cruising code of conduct for crew.

The 'noodleman'.

"The noodleman is an elusive character onboard," said Nathan with a chuckle. 

"This guy is basically an underground legend. Cooking in crew cabins is very much banned, but that doesn't stop the black-market kitchen from operating! Call the right number at 2am, and a knock on your door an hour later means fresh, homemade noodles delivered straight to your cabin — cash only, no questions asked."

The crew deck 'highway' haircut.

On one of the cruise ships Nathan worked for, the long corridor stretching from the front of the ship to the back was known as "the M1".

"On some other lines I've heard it called the i95. The best haircut I've ever had wasn't in a fancy salon, but along the M1. You'd get a sharp fade for $10 USD, no appointment, no fuss. Honestly, better than most haircuts I've had on land."

Uber at sea.

When you've got a craving for something and there isn't a convenience store around for 1000 nautical miles, the below-deck 'black market' has you sorted.

"The crew had their own secret economy," Nathan said.

"If you needed a deep-tissue massage in your cabin at 1am, there was a number for that." (No, not that kind of massage, Nathan insisted!)

"If you knew the right people, you could get just about anything delivered straight to your door, including off-the-books booze."

Wild crew parties and cheap alcohol.

"The real party isn't where the guests are," said Nathan. "It's below deck."

And how did we just guess that was the case?

"Crew bars ran from 11pm until 2am, drinks were $1.50-$2, and themed parties were next level. ABC (Anything But Clothes) parties were wild. Think DIY outfits made of bedsheets, caution tape, or literally whatever wasn't actual clothing!

"Then there were the cabin parties, which technically weren't allowed but still happened. Security knew the drill, roaming with breathalysers ready to catch anyone over the 0.05 BAC limit.

"There was one particularly crazy party I remember vividly held in the Officers Wardroom, which is a fancy old naval term for the officers-only bar. It was an Alaskan-themed party (as we were sailing in Alaskan waters at the time) and somehow someone had managed to get the ice carver onboard to make two vodka ice luges, which were an obvious hit.

"So you had costumed crew dressed up like lumberjacks, drinking shots of vodka from the ice luges, a DJ, a photobooth AND Alaskan-themed food like reindeer sausage pies!" he laughed. 

"Let's just say that anyone who was single didn't go back to their cabin that night."

The Loveboat… for a while.

Speaking of single crew members…

"As contracts are an average of six months, with people coming and going all the time during your contract, people often skip a lot of the land-based milestones and go straight to moving in together as soon as possible," Nathan told us. "Why waste time when your partner leaves two months before your contract ends?

"Even wilder was that sometimes, when one person's contract would end, only a few weeks after they had said goodbye to their partner and returned home, the other (who was still onboard) would be with someone else! Most of the time it was amicable but sometimes… not so much."

But it wasn't all rapid relationships, said Nathan. It was a cycle that continued frequently, "until you had two people who found each other — 'soulmates', you would call them — who would then move heaven and earth to be together, no matter the time or distance apart.

"I have several friends who moved from places like Peru to the UK to marry and live out their post-ship days together."

Naww!

Since departing the cruising world, Nathan Cassar is now an award-winning MC. Find out more here.

Feature image: Supplied.