The internet forum Reddit is not known for its thoughtful and considerate commenters.
But last week, something fairly remarkable happened.
A woman whose screen name is ‘brokedowngirl’ posted a story on the site, in which she explained how she had recently been naked in front of her long-distance partner for the first time, through Skype. Afterwards, she “broke down crying”.
But not because her partner was cruel, after seeing her naked. He did not judge her, as so many others had before. Brokefowngirl started crying because he was so supportive. Because he told her she was “a sight to behold”.
Brokedowngirl’s post on Reddit explains why this experience was such a big deal for her: she talks about having low-self esteem, being unhappy with her weight, emotional abuse from previous partners, and post-natal depression.
We’ve been in a LDR for a couple years and I’ve always made sure to keep myself covered, specifically my belly and upper thighs, even it was just with a satin nighty that just barely covered things. I was absolutely dead terrified of him seeing that part of me, it is scarred from abuse, there are stretch marks from pregnancy and I hate the sag that has come since I have started losing weight (40lbs down 65 to go). He has always made me feel like the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, but I always felt that if he saw that part of me that he would look at me with disgust and that would be the end of it.
Today on camera, he saw me from head to toe naked, I was literally shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. He didn’t get a look of disgust, he didn’t recoil, he told me I was beautiful, “a true sight to behold”, he showered me with such love and patience and I freaking lost it. I sat down and sobbed, I shook, I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life, but not because I was sad. It was a weird combination of several emotions, fear, shame, relief, love, acceptance and some I cannot put words to, and he listened to me, reassured me, and just continued to remind me that he loves me and finds me beautiful.
I have had past partners comment that I would have such a pretty pussy if it hadn’t been so beat up, saying I looked like a used up hooker (I was pretty badly sexually abused as a child), and yeah, I know they were immature assholes that based their opinions on all the porn they watched but that shit hurt and it sticks with you and I’m sure there are women here who understand how easy it is to be insecure in the look of your genitals. And God knows pregnancy does not do good things to the belly, and a nasty postpartum depression thanks to an abusive ex and I gained a lot more weight than I care to think about and all of it lead to me feeling like the most hideous monster on the face of the earth whenever I was undressed.
“… I love my SO, he’s been so supportive.”
I’m still scared, I’ve barely managed to stop crying, but I love my SO, he’s been so supportive. Part of me is terrified that he was just being nice and really finds me to be ugly, but I know that is my insecurity talking and projecting and that he really does love me.
To all the ladies (and men) out there, that are afraid and feel ugly, please know that you are beautiful, to someone you are beautiful. To all those who are confident in your body, regardless of size, scars, stretch marks, whatever, especially those that don’t fit into the conventional ideals of what is beautiful…I commend you and am more than a little jealous, but please don’t stop, because you’re courage and confidence helps others find their own beauty.
Okay…I’m off to go cry some more and try to find a way to show my SO just how much I love and appreciate him.
While one might expect the comments following such an emotionally vulnerable post to attack that very vulnerability – as so often happens on the internet – that was not the case on this occasion.
One user replied with, “I’m so happy to hear you have a supportive SO (especially after reading that disgustingness you had spewed at you from some serious jackasses). Try to remember how awesome your SO is instead of listening to those insecure voices in your head, also (and I know this sounds cheesy) try to compliment yourself every day. You are a mother and a survivor hun… Both of those things are universally beautiful and awe inspiring. <3”
K3Iti3 wrote, “Your post brought me to tears and gave me goosebumps. I completely understand how you feel and I’m so happy that your partner was so supportive.”
Ignoranceisblissguy wrote, “You have no idea how inspirational this is. I’m sure a lot of women will be able to relate and connect with what you’ve said and what you’ve been through. I have nothing but respect for you and your SO. Keep your head up, you are the definition of beautiful.”
After receiving so many comments, Brokedowngirl edited her original post with this statement:
This has truly been an overwhelmingly beautiful experience, not just with my SO, but with the outpouring of support and love on here. I want to say to all those that struggle with accepting yourself and seeing the beauty that you carry with you always, please know, you truly are beautiful. We all have something we don’t like about ourselves, something that makes us insecure, but we are all still beautiful. I think we, as people need to remind those we love of their own beauty and be open to seeing the beauty in ourselves.
So, here’s to seeing beauty in others and ourselves.
Have you ever felt like ‘brokedowngirl’? How has your perception of your body changed over time?
