Sarah Davidson had marked 2023 as her 'pregnancy year'. When it didn't go to plan, she felt extremely lost.

Former lawyer turned 'funtrepreneur' and TV host Sarah Davidson, is as adored for her relatable and funny reels about married life, as she is for her impeccable style and incredible career.

While her social media accounts are packed with glamorous snapshots of her life, fans didn't realise that earlier this year, the Seize the Yay podcast host experienced a miscarriage at six weeks pregnant.

Watch: Liz Ellis and Debra Lawrence share their miscarriage stories. Post continues below.

"We started trying for a baby in November or December last year, but because of my polycystic ovaries, my cycles were long," Sarah told Mamamia.

"It was a lovely surprise, however, when we found out I was pregnant! I couldn't actually believe it after just one test so I did five to make sure! It was on the Saturday of the Australian Open tennis finals and I was working with some champagne brands. I thought to myself, 'Oh, it's already starting, I can't drink!' It was an exciting shared secret and I'm glad Nic and I had that experience."

Sarah was booked in to see a fertility specialist in January who confirmed the pregnancy. She was told to come back in two weeks for the very first dating scan.

"When we returned for that first scan we were told there was no heartbeat. As my cycle was unusual, I was also told my dates could be wrong so there was still some hope. They asked me to come back in another week. There was still no heartbeat but again, asked me to return in seven days to check. By the next visit, I had quite bad nausea, but it was confirmed as a non-viable pregnancy and that I would miscarry.

"The doctor said it might take a month to pass naturally but that a dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure would be a quicker way to get my body back on track.  

"I didn't know if I could mentally manage another month of uncertainty. So after being admitted via the emergency department and seeing a very kind doctor, I had the D&C under general anaesthetic before going home to recover."

Sarah says that her busy schedule and need to get right back up again meant that after she went through weeks of "torturous" uncertainty and then D & C surgery, she only took a couple of days off before going back to work.

"Women are such 'copers' and I thought, 'It's just a day', and I didn't really schedule much time around it to be kind to myself. No one else knew what I was going through because I just hid it. I actually had a friend's father's funeral that morning. So I went to the funeral first then straight to the hospital for the surgery. I took the weekend off and then I did a speaking gig every day the following week as it was International Women's Day."

At first, Sarah thought she just needed some space but as time went by, her loss remained a secret.

"Work as a distraction was really good, but I was uncomfortable, because I literally had a nappy on as I was still bleeding. Slowly, and by wanting to understand it, I learned that miscarriage is a very common experience for women -  one in four pregnancies is non-viable. I then became very rational and soon came to the realisation that I was perpetuating the silence around my experience. 

"I'm a spokesperson on so many varied topics and I realised I could use my loss and grief as an opportunity to talk to other people about theirs. I had seen so many women open up about miscarriage once they had their happy ending - and a baby in their arms - but not before. And so I decided I wanted to share."

Sharing her miscarriage story.

After opening up on the podcast Something To Talk About in early July, the response from her community overwhelmed her.

"Since I shared my story, it's been the most cathartic and lovely experience," Sarah told Mamamia. 

"I hoped that a few people would be interested but that even if just one person was impacted, then it was more than enough. But I received hundreds of supportive messages from other women who reflected on why they had also hidden their loss from loved ones. Like me, they thought they should just be able to move on. Or like me, they used very reductive language around the experience. 

"I said things like, 'Oh we didn't even know the gender', or 'It was only a small one as it was before 12 weeks'. I think we can be very mean to ourselves like that."

Listen to Mamamia's podcast for all things fertility, Get Me Pregnant. Post continues below.

Sarah says that sharing the experience with her husband Nic was at first quite challenging as her body recovered from the effects of pregnancy, miscarriage and surgery.

"I think it is so easy in your physical healing when feeling pretty s****y to forget that your husband has also lost his entire hopes of a future child - even if they might grieve in a different way. 

"There was definitely an element of bitterness, not towards Nic directly but towards biology. For one or two days there, I thought about how he is just the same as he was yesterday; he didn't have to get his cycle back; he didn't have to have surgery. But that doesn't mean that he wasn't also grieving in his own way. I think it's so hard for them to come close to understanding what we women go through. 

"And given that he had no idea what was the right thing to do or say - he was amazing. He was just like, 'What can I get you?', 'How can I support you?' I think it took me maybe a couple of weeks to really turn around and say to him like, 'Are you okay?'. And he was incredibly sad too. The whole experience has brought us a lot closer together."

Uncertainty after loss.

Sarah said that aside from her initial feelings of uncertainty about sharing her story, one of the toughest and most unexpected aspects of the experience was how her life plans for 2023 suddenly became so uncertain.

"In January, this year became the ‘pregnancy year’, and September was the due date, and so all my goals were around that.

"I had surrendered to knowing that this year was going to be 'the great unknown' and that work would have to take a backseat. I was symptomatic really early so I kind of was already making all these prioritisations differently and preparing for what September might be like. And once a 'Type A' person has let go of the momentum, it's very hard to get it back. So I found regaining a sense of my goals after I let go of my goal to have a baby, very challenging."

Sarah told The Something To Talk About Podcast that she really struggled to work out what to do with all this unexpected time.

"You sort of exist in this strange limbo of, oh, I didn’t think I’d have this time. I have no plans for that time, but I’m also still trying, so maybe I won’t have that time. So on top of normal uncertainty in life, there is this whole other layer of who am I? What’s happening? What chapter am I in? Do I set goals at all?"

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Looking to the future.

Now that Sarah has shared her story and is back on track with her work and her body, she says she is getting used to the "serious uncertainty" that comes with trying for a baby and pregnancy.

“I started to feel a lot better once I got a cycle back, once I knew we could start trying again. There is a lot of mental work in not losing your innocence. I think now with any subsequent pregnancy, we will definitely be a little more hesitant about celebrating each stage. 

"I think we’re feeling a lot more positive now that there’s more time between that chapter, closing it, letting myself feel sadness, loss, confusion. We’re now trying again.”

Ultimately, Sarah says that the experience has left her feeling grateful and in awe of her supportive family, friends and her huge community of women online.

"I just feel like women are insane: We are so strong. We are such warriors and yet we are also incredibly mean to ourselves. I think we force ourselves to cope with more than we need to and the resounding feedback from people's messages was that they wish they had been kinder or gentle on themselves after their loss.

And I guess if I had a message for anyone, is that while you can control some aspects of conception and pregnancy, like what you eat, you can't control everything so be gentle and be kind to yourself."

Feature Image: Instagram @spoonful_of_sarah

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.