by HELEN RAZER
Look. Look right into my sad, fraudulent eyes. There’s something you need to know.
Oh, goodness.
This is especially difficult as we’ve been getting along so well since we met and first shared our secrets. But, there’s a truth that needs disclosing before our friendship can deepen; before you can learn to love, trust and LOL in the comments again.
Here goes. Ever since I was a little girl, I have found myself deeply attracted to starting arguments. Oh, I’ve also been in a relationship with a gal for the last fourteen years. But, I can’t imagine you find that fact particularly scandalous.
What some friends do find shocking, though, is my willingness to start an argument on the topic of marriage. If you’re in a same-sex relationship, it seems, declaring your support for same-sex marriage is as obligatory as enjoying the music of P!nk.
While I don’t love P!nk, I believe she certainly has her place as the soundtrack to Body Pump class. I am less patient with the idea of reviving marriage, a dying institution, for use by same-sex couples. Frankly, I find the whole thing a bit silly, expensive and well past its Best Before date.
Marriage puts you nowhere but in spectacular debt and at greater risk of uttering the phrase “my hubby”. No-one outside the cast of Geordie Shore should utter the phrase “my hubby”. Really. It makes your domestic partner sound like a nasty rash. “I must get something for my hubby”. “My hubby has been playing up again”. “What am I going to do with my hubby?”.