'After breaking up with my friends of 40 years, here's what I'm teaching my daughter.'

I have always been terrified that my daughter would endure the same kind of school friends I did. 

Friends who were hurtful, ruined my confidence and made me feel like I was not good enough for anything.

Friendships that held me in a state of panic and insecurity, where I was picked on, mocked and ignored, leaving me believing I was so unlikable that I had no other option but to stay. 

I think this fear is true for those of us who lived through damaging friendships that began in our school years.

Those deep scars don't heal, and sending our kids to school conjures paralysing and painful memories, forcing us to relive the decades-old feelings of shame and insecurity that have underpinned our lives and cruelly influenced our behaviour.

Watch: Season, reason, lifetime friends. Post continues below.

I did not have a good time in high school.

I was awkward and insecure, and desperately wanted to be liked. I was the odd one out in my friend group and the more I tried to be included, the more I was made to feel like I didn't belong.

I accepted being treated badly, and I hated myself for it.  I lived in panic and fear and never felt safe or liked — but I never left.

As a teen I was left out, laughed at and stripped naked, held down on a friend's kitchen floor and videoed.

As an adult, my face was drawn on as I slept, I was told there was no room at the restaurant for me, and I was left to make my own way home from a girls' trip when my friends took off in the hire car without me. 

The most insidious part of friendships like these is that they rot your self-esteem so badly you are certain that no one else would want to be your friend.

Forging new friendships is difficult when you're convinced that you're unlikable — the bravado needed to pretend you're confident and 'normal' is exhausting.

Those friendships of mine finally ended a couple of years ago, and everything in my world became better from that moment — and I became even more determined to protect my daughter from people like this.

Image: @mumpacktravel

I'm not an expert, but sharing my experiences with her helped us to have positive chats around things like what to expect from friendships, how to be a supportive friend, and the signs that your friends possibly aren't your friends.

It's also helped me to understand more about my own behaviour and why I lack confidence in new friendships, and to become calmer and less reactive when there are friendship blips at school —because these can be massively triggering.

I'll always keep the friendship conversations going as long as my daughter is open to it. Here are some of the things we are talking about that may help you, too.

School is not the only place you'll meet people. There is so much more ahead of you.

School may feel like it's the only time you have to make friends, but throughout your life you are going to meet so many people, so if you don't find your BFFs right now, that's okay!

You still have university or TAFE, part-time jobs and your career, sports and other activities where you will make so many friends.

Enjoy school and your friendships, but know there is so much ahead of you, too.

Your body will tell you when friendships aren't good for you.

Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable around your friends? Do you feel like you can be yourself or are you always on alert?

Nerves and being hyper-vigilant are your body giving you signs that you don't feel safe.

Trust your gut feelings — your body knows what's good for you. True friends are the ones with whom you can relax and truly be yourself around.

You are good and you are likeable.

Friends should make you feel happy and safe, and if your friends don't make you feel good about yourself, they're not the right friends for you.

Don't stay in bad friendships because you think no one else will like you — they absolutely will and you will be so happy.

If they're always mean to you now, they probably always will be.

It's normal to feel hopeful that things will get better and friends will be nicer to you, but if you feel that your friends are always mean to you, it's probably time to move on.

No one wants to spend their life with people who are mean to them, and you will find new friends who are kind to you.

You should never accept being treated badly, and the right friends will be easy to get along with and will never be mean to you.

Having more than one friend group is good for you.

There are so many kids to get to know, and having different friend groups is important for social development and well-being.

You don't have to do everything with the friends you already have — it's fun to join clubs where you don't know anyone and make new friends, like netball friends, soccer friends and surf club friends.

Be the friend you want to have.

When you think about being a good friend and what that means, consider if you're being a good friend too, by doing things like listening to your friends, supporting them and lifting them up.

If you hurt someone's feelings, always say sorry and always be kind.

Good friends cheer you on, are happy for you when things go well and always include you — be that friend and expect it in return.

And remember, that girl who doesn't seem to fit in probably just lacks confidence — be kind to her. She may just be your new bestie.

There are things that good friends don't do:

• If your friends make fun of you and then say 'calm down, it was a joke'. It wasn't just 'being funny' it was being mean.

• They aren't happy for you when good things happen. True friends support you, and are proud of your accomplishments.

• They call you names or criticise your clothes or body. This is never okay.

• They talk about other people. If they feel comfortable talking about other people behind their backs, they'll feel just as comfortable talking behind yours (and remember to never join in on these conversations).

• They leave you out. It's okay to not be invited to everything, but being left out on purpose is hurtful and is not what true friends do.

• They don't care if they hurt your feelings. Good friends don't make you feel bad about yourself or say hurtful things to you, they do the opposite and defend you.

Navigating friendships is so tricky, and while my daughter's path hasn't always been smooth, we are fortunate that she has made friends with some really great girls in high school.

That's all I want, and I'm sure you do too.

I hope your children find those good friendships. And if your past friendship looks anything like mine — I see you, I understand, and I hope you can move on from it.

You're so much better without them, believe me.

Feature Image: Supplied.