'There's a new list of 125 rules "modern gentlemen" need to follow. I have feedback.'

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Apparently, men now need 125 rules to be considered a "modern gentleman". Yes, 125.

A whole syllabus. An entire curriculum. A semester abroad studying "How Not To Be a Trash Human: 101". 

That's not me being dramatic (for once). That's the actual number of rules GQ has compiled in their new "guidebook" to modern manners. One hundred and twenty-five separate instructions for men on how to eat, greet, date, post, text, exercise, apologise and generally behave like functioning members of society.

It's extensive, it's ambitious and it's also a little terrifying — because if you need 125 reminders on how not to be unbearable, what exactly have you been doing up until now?

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On the one hand, it makes sense. The magazine is literally called Gentleman's Quarterly, so this is kind of their lane. On the other hand, do we really need to spell out things like "say please and thank you" and "don't blast TikToks on public transport"? 

The average person might say "no". But as someone who has spent the majority of the year dating, I can tell you that these rules are not only necessary, but should be printed out on laminated cards and handed out at birth. 

Still, reading through the list feels like peeking into a secret male playbook.

Some of the rules are, I'll admit, genuinely solid. Others are utterly deranged. And then there are the glaring omissions — the everyday behaviours women everywhere would actually like to see corrected. 

The rules for gentlemen: the good and the bad. 

I'll admit, some of the rules deserve a standing ovation, like the one about headphones: use them. Nobody, and I mean nobody, needs to hear your Joe Rogan episode on the bus at 7:47am. 

Or the rule about nudes: if my last name is saved as "Hinge" in your phone, maybe don't send them. Or request them.

And then there's the one about condoms. In short? Buy them, wear them, and please stop acting like they are radioactive. 

My personal favourite, though? "Talk less." It's revolutionary. Put it on a T-shirt. Frame it. Tattoo it backwards on your forehead so it's the first thing you read in the mirror every single morning.

But for every good pearl of wisdom on the list, there's also some that made me genuinely want to throw my laptop across the room.

According to the list, this bouquet of flowers will suffice. To that I say, DO BETTER. Image: Getty.

Like the one that says bouquets should be "tasteful" instead of chaotic. No. I want a rainbow explosion, thanks. Or the one about greeting people with a kiss on the cheek. Absolutely not, sir. Jazz hands will suffice.

And don't get me started on the rule that bans men from having public Instagram accounts unless they're using it for work. How, pray tell, do you expect me and my best friends to stalk you, then? What else am I meant to talk about during Sunday brunch?

The rules for gentlemen: the ones women actually want.

Here's where it gets fun. Because as comprehensive as GQ tried to be, there are some very obvious rules missing.

Allow me to make a few amendments and submit a few of my own…

First things first: reply to texts within the same solar system year. Ghosting is neither mysterious nor aloof; it's cowardly. If you're not interested, use your big boy words and just say so. 

While we're at it, let's add that saying "let's split it" should not just apply to the bill. Let's also split the emotional labour of this relationship. Yes, the groceries need unpacking but so, too, do your feelings. 

Also? Please — and I simply cannot stress this enough — own more than one towel. I'll give you bonus points if they are different sizes, and you are aware that a beach towel does not count as an all-purpose household textile. Treat yourself; get a hand towel. Perhaps even a bath mat. Your future guests (and future partners) will thank you. 

Bath mats: ever heard of them? Image: Getty.

Other things I'd like to see included?

Offering a jacket rather than just saying "that sucks" when a woman says she's cold; stop referring to Taylor Swift as "overrated" (you don't have to like her, but you do have to shut up); and serving more than a single, unseasoned chicken breast when you invite me over to your place for dinner.

My final suggestion? Learn to take a photo. A real one. Not one that's blurry, not one that's got your finger half over the lens, and not one that's from an angle that makes me look like I'm a gremlin crawling out of a stormwater drain. Do better.

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Do men really need 125 (or more) rules? Maybe. Do women already follow most of these without needing a magazine to tell us? Absolutely. And yet, here we are, in 2025, begging for the bare minimum.

So, gentlemen — modern, or otherwise — consider this your two-line cheat sheet: use headphones, answer texts, buy flowers that look like chaos and, for the love of all that is holy, please, please talk less. 

Feature image: Getty.