Robert Irwin is the walking green flag the world needs.

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For the last ten weeks, all I've been able to talk about is Robert Irwin. 

I have been, to put it mildly, a woman possessed. Not in a literal demonic way (although my coworkers may beg to differ), but in a "this sweet khaki-clad man-child has somehow managed to rewire my serotonin receptors" way. 

The 21-year-old's appearance on — and subsequent win of — the US version of Dancing With The Stars has seen the wildlife warrior become an unexpected sex symbol (yes, I am fully aware of how unwell that all makes us), and there is a damn good reason why: the man is a walking green flag. 

He is a wholesome menace. A golden retriever with a mirrorball. 

Watch: The Spill debriefs on Robert Irwin's iconic DWTS rebrand. Post continues below.

Robert Irwin, in my humble opinion, is the purest beam of Australian sunshine that has been exported directly into the American doom and gloom. 

When Robert Irwin dances, the world heals for approximately three to five business days. When he smiles, inflation drops (please don't fact-check me on that). And when he says "thank you", a toxic man in your life somewhere suddenly feels compelled to apologise for that thing he did back in 2017. 

His positive energy is that powerful. 

Listen to The Quicky discuss the majesty of Robert Irwin. Post continues below.

Watching him on Dancing With The Stars has been one of the greatest pop culture joys of 2025. Each and every week, he turned up with enthusiasm, sincerity, joy and zero irony. He didn't go on the show with a competitive energy, but instead with the vibe of a kid who'd just been told he could go to Disneyland if he promised to be nice to his big sister Bindi. 

There is something deeply attractive — yes, I'm going to use the word attractive, fight me — about a man who tries. A man who is unashamed to care and also unafraid to wear SO. MANY. SEQUINS. 

Is it just me or are men in sequins suddenly sexy? Image: ABC.

His Instagram caption after his epic win says it all, really. 

"Where do I begin," he wrote. 

"I'll never be able to describe what last night and these last 3 months have meant to me, but I can say THANK YOU."

And it wasn't just one thank you. He thanked everyone. His professional dance partner Witney (who also "made sure I always had snacks in rehearsals" apparently), and his sister Bindi, who inspired him after winning the same trophy ten years ago. He thanked his entire family who relocated to the US for three whole months, his fellow contestants, the crew, America, Australia Zoo and his charity, Wildlife Warriors. 

He probably said a personal thank you to the mirror ball itself and I have no doubt he would have also thanked the hardwood dance floor too if someone had given him a moment alone with it. 

The man expressed more gratitude in a single Instagram post than most men can manage in a decade-long relationship (sorry, not sorry).

"I'd like to thank literally everyone" – Robert, probably. Image: ABC.

Meanwhile, his partner's tribute back to him read like a mother's pride, a best friend's hype speech and a coach's championship address all rolled into one. It's peak teacher writing "Robert is an absolute joy to have in class" energy. 

"You were a zookeeper with no dance experience, who did the DANG THING! You embody what Dancing With The Stars is all about," she wrote. 

"The passion, the courage, the strength to try something out of your comfort zone in front of millions. You showed up, trusted me, gave everything you had, and said yes to every challenge with enthusiasm."

I know the internet (read: me) has been shamelessly flirting with him this whole time, but it's important we establish that the reason Robert Irwin has become a wholesome sex symbol isn't because he's hot hot. It's because he is emotionally fluent, and his masculinity doesn't rely on silence and swagger. 

Robert Irwin just looks like the kind of guy who would remember your slightly unhinged coffee order and your dog's birthday and plan a surprise party for the pooch, too. He's safe and soft and is the complete antidote to the emotionally unavailable uprising that exists in the dating scene these days (IYKYK).

His Dancing With The Stars win proves that sometimes the universe rewards the nice, enthusiastic, grateful guy. The guy who cried doing a dance dedicated to his mum and dad. 

So, if you need me, I'll be watching our boy Robert's dances over and over again like a woman actively choosing happiness — because that's exactly what he is injecting straight into our souls.

Feature image: ABC.