'We don't live there anymore.' Why Rob Delaney wants to buy the home where his 2yo son died.

American actor and TV writer Rob Delaney knows a grief that no one should endure.

In 2016 shortly after his first birthday, Delaney's Henry was diagnosed with a brain tumour. Surgery and treatment halted the disease for a few months, but then it returned. 

Announcing two-year-old Henry's death in 2018, Delaney wrote in a statement: "Henry's drive to live and to love and to connect was profound. I am desperately sad right now, but I can say with authority that there is good in this world."

That goodness and love, Delaney wrote, also lives within his wife and his sons.

"They are why I will endeavour to not go mad with grief. I don't want to miss out on their beautiful lives. I'm greedy for more experiences with them. Thank you, beautiful Henry, for spending as much time with us as you did. We miss you so much."

Henry died on the same day as Delaney's 41st birthday. And for six years, Delaney has been trying to put words around that. 

"Other people get scared of you. They think they're going to catch dead kid from you," he once said on the talk show Loose Women.

Watch: Parents who have lost a child answer questions. Post continues below.

This month Delaney — who lives in the UK with his family — appeared on BBC's Desert Island Discs. In the podcast episode, he shared the soundtrack of his life and reflected on the very poignant reason why he hopes to one day buy the home his family lived in during Henry's final months.

"We don't live there anymore, but when we moved out I asked the landlord, 'Listen, if you ever go to sell this place, let me know first because I would like to buy it. So that when I'm 81 I can crawl in here and die. In the same room that my son died in, that my other son was born in," Delaney said, sharing that Henry had passed peacefully in the London property's living room. 

Soon after Henry's death, Delaney and his wife welcomed their fourth child into the world — the birth taking place in the same room where Henry had passed, which Delaney says was a deliberate decision. 

Although Delaney and his family originally hail from the US, they've decided they can't quite move back to the States — there are too many powerful memories associated with Henry in London. 

"We've thought about leaving, but for so many reasons we've stayed," he explained.

"I like to go put my hands on the slides at the playground that Henry slid down. I like to see the nurses that cared for Henry, periodically bumping into them. London has held us and taken care of us in many ways."

Delaney says that eventually, life does go on.

"The world stops and you're brutally humbled. It's so confusing, so upsetting, so surreal. And then you've got to get through that," the 47-year-old said.

"I am so grateful to be his dad. I'm so grateful he was, or is, my son. I don't know what words to use, I don't care. I talk to him, I don't know if he hears me, it doesn't matter. He's my son, I'm his dad, and I love him."

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In his 2022 memoir A Heart That Works, Delaney spoke about the grief of not being able to save his child from sickness.

"You believe that it's you who will get them to the right place, via car or taxi or, God forbid, ambulance, and that, once there, you'll sit by their side or maybe hold them in your lap and they'll get what they need. Add a little time to mend, heal, rest, and you'll soon have an exciting story to tell," he wrote.

"That's not always the case, though. Sometimes, the nurses and the doctors can't fix what's wrong. Sometimes, children die. Whatever's wrong with your child gets worse and they suffer and then they die."

Recently marking the six-year anniversary of Henry's death, Delaney posted a tribute to Henry on Instagram. 

"The volume of letters and messages I've gotten from other bereaved parents and siblings is completely unbelievable. It feels very strange to not be able to reply to all of them," he noted.

"But I want to say hello to all the bereaved parents and siblings who have written me and say that I love you."

For support, you can call the 24/7 Red Nose Grief and Loss Support Line on 1300 308 307 or visit rednosegriefandloss.org.au.

This article was originally published in September 2023, and has since been updated with new information.

Feature Image: Instagram.