'It was the final straw.' Four women on exactly why they are estranged from their families.

In the quiet corners of so many families across Australia lies a painful reality. It's so painful that it's rarely discussed openly: the severing of parent-child relationships.

An alarming pattern is emerging amongst younger generations, with researchers now describing what appears to be an "epidemic of family estrangement."

"I have been estranged from my family for over fifteen years. I found out my mother died a year after it happened. I felt profound relief," Amy* told Mamamia.

Watch: A therapist explains why family estrangement is on the rise. Post continues below.

Recent studies paint a sobering picture — approximately 26 per cent of young adults have gone no contact with their fathers, while six percent have cut off communication with their mothers.

Behind each decision to cut contact often lies years of complicated relationships, unresolved pain, and ultimately, the difficult choice to prioritise one's own well-being.

Reasons adult children cut ties with their parents. 

Abuse and Trauma.

One of the most common reasons for estrangement is past or present abuse by the parent, including emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse.

After enduring generations of family abuse and manipulation, Amy* found that physical distance wasn't enough to heal from the damage.

"I come from a very long line of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse that (has) occurred for generations," she said. "My mother triangulated. She made me her ally, and my father and sister were alternately our enemies.

"All anyone wanted in that family was to shine under her favour. But being in her favour meant fusing with her identity. She confessed her suicidal ideations to me when I was a very young child.

"I then felt as though it was my job to protect her and keep her alive. She told me about being sexually molested when I was only six years old."

Amy explained that if she ever expressed differing views from her mother, she would become "the enemy" and she described her home environment as one of "extreme control and judgment".

"Although I lived across the country from my family for several years before cutting ties, I suffered horrible headaches and waking nightmares after speaking with my parents on the phone," Amy continued.

"When I visited my family, I would become so physically ill that I had to be hospitalised. Cutting ties was a healthy decision, but I had to undergo EMDR therapy to resolve the feelings of panic and terror that my mother could still 'get me' even as an adult living across the country.

"Ten years later, I am healthy, happy, and I hope my father and sister find peace, but I have no desire to contact them or speak to them ever again."

Neglect and lack of support.

Emotional neglect or a lack of support during childhood can leave deep wounds that fester over time, leading to resentment and eventual estrangement.

Aisha's* experience shows how years of feeling overlooked and unsupported, can become too much to bear.

"I can see now from being a parent how much they favoured and supported my younger brothers and how little I received," Aisha said.

"The final straw for me was when (I was) going through cancer treatment, they came to visit and support my kids once (and) spent the day fussing over the other grandchildren. Let me cook dinner for them and then left a day earlier than expected.

"It's hard to acknowledge how little support I have from them. I have raised my kids to know that they are both important and deserve equal support and respect."

Toxic or narcissistic behaviour.

For some children, growing up with a parent who displays toxic patterns or narcissistic behaviours means a lifetime of feeling controlled, manipulated and devalued.

Elena* opened up about her decade-long estrangement from her mother, whose inability to maintain healthy relationships extended beyond just her daughter.

"I cut ties with my mother when I was 18. She spent my childhood facilitating abuse perpetrated by my brother amongst a range of other neglectful behaviours," Elena said.

"This is a woman who cannot keep friends beyond one (or) two years. (She) is also estranged from her entire family and who prevented me from meeting my aunties and grandparents until I was able to seek them out on my own. Turns out they were lovely people and not the evil people my mother described.

"I was desperate to become an adult to get away from her. Ten years of no contact and I still occasionally get a message from her riddled with narcissism. A very 'why me' mentality with comments like 'I did nothing wrong'."

"She even tracked down my boyfriend recently (who I go to great lengths to keep private) to message him and tell him she was a great mother and doesn't understand why her daughter cut her off," Elena said. "This is despite myself and every other relative telling her why I chose to cut ties."

Divorce and family dynamics.

When parents divorce, children sometimes find themselves caught in the crossfire.

The heartbreak of watching history repeat itself through multiple marriages left Jia* feeling perpetually abandoned.

"I am estranged from my dad. My parents divorced when I was seven. He left my mum for another woman who didn't like us," she said. "So, instead of us spending the weekends at his house, we would spend the weekends at my grandparents' house, where my dad would come to stay.

"While in this situation, he met another woman over the road from my grandparents' house who he then had an affair with which we were forced to keep secret if we ever did see his new wife.

"He eventually left for the new woman in the same way he left my mum by just leaving a note."

"In my first year of university, my dad's third wife left him and in the midst of his heartbreak we actually bonded more," she continued. "It was like he was starting to understand the impact of his behaviour. We did things together that we'd never done before and we were planning to go on holiday together.

"Then a couple of weeks after that, he met his fourth wife and all of that was forgotten. He went on holiday with her instead.

"When I got married, he said that if he didn't get to walk me down the aisle he would not come. I didn't think it was fair to have him walk me down the aisle given that my stepdad was such a key person in my upbringing, so I decided to have neither of them and just do it myself.

"That still wasn't good enough, and he didn't attend, so I asked my stepdad on the morning of my wedding to walk me down the aisle."

'Estrangement doesn't solve inner hurts'.

World-renowned psychologist and parenting expert Steve Biddulph said for people who cut ties with bad parents, it can be a "very releasing" experience.

"In neolithic societies, they found from the DNA that about one person in six had come from hundreds of kilometres away," he explained.

"But the inner work has to follow. Estrangement doesn't solve the inner hurts completely."

Behind each estrangement story lies profound pain — often generations of it —and the difficult recognition that sometimes, loving someone from a distance is the kindest choice one can make, both for themselves and, paradoxically, for the relationship that might have been.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Feature Image: Canva