The frocks, the champagne, the celebrities — spring racing season should be the epitome of glamour.
Yet between clamouring for a picnic spot, queuing for drinks, and standing at the mercy of whatever Mother Nature decides to throw at you, the realities of any day spent at the races tend to be anything but glamorous.
1. Weather woes, regardless of the forecast.
Rain, hail or shine, there are always going to be complications with an outdoor semi-formal event. In the event of relentless rain, the marquees, bars and every other undercover spaces are completely packed. No umbrella is going to save you (or your hair) from getting sprayed when you duck between these areas.
Relentless sunshine also has drawbacks. The warm sun is delightful… until it’s turning your skin to the colour of your rosé because no one remembered to pack the sunscreen. There’s also the unfortunate glare that leaves you stuck with photos featuring either squinty eyes, or out-of-place sunnies.
2. The struggle of walking in heels on grass.
We've all, at some point, committed to stilettos despite knowing the skewed comfort vs style factor will leave us barefoot with heels in hand by the end of the day.
Doing this on race day means you've also committed to sinking into the grass with Every. Single. Step. You look on with envy at that girl who decided to wear wedges. Damn her and her practical shoe choice.
3. Claiming a picnic spot is INVOLVED.
You thought you were clever bringing a rug and a basket, and quite thrifty bringing your own snacks for a trackside picnic. Of course, nearly everyone else also had that clever idea (some even brought chairs and an esky) and you are all clamouring for your own patch of grass on by the finish line.
Once you have managed to find a space just big enough for picnic rug, someone needs to stay there all day - which is not so bad when you want to give your feet a rest... or escape the next shout.
4. The love/hate relationship with your headwear.
One one hand, that intricate black lace headband compliments your dress and takes your outfit from simple to stunning. On the other hand, it's a pain in the neck - sometimes literally. You end up fixing it umpteen times in the bathroom because the 50 bobby pins you stabbed in there to hold it in place just weren't enough.
Hats are no better. You're grateful for the face shade when your friends are complaining of sunburn, but then your brim catches the wind. There's also zero chance of taking it off later when you head to the pub (three words: greasy hat hair).
Watch: We bust the four biggest foundation myths to ensure your races makeup is on point. (Post continues after video.)
5. A picnic is a great idea... until it isn't.
Speaking of fashion choices that aren't always so clever: your pencil skirt seemed like a great idea until you had to bend down and sit on a rug in it.
Eating at the picnic you successfully created is not always easy. Yes, you packed the cheese, dips and bickies - and strawberries for the bubbly - but what about the cutlery? And the plates? Now you're breaking biscuits as you attempt to scoop the sun-melted camembert out of the packet and then carefully avoiding spilling crumbs on yourself and your dress.
6. Gazing longingly at the exclusive areas, and contemplating how you might sneak in.
Unless you're Jesinta Campbell or Nikki Gogan, you were not invited into an exclusive marquee. You did not arrive in a limo and you will not be served canapes and cocktails while rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous.
You know you'll never be one of those special people, but you sure can dream. You and your mates can also scheme as to how you can schmooze or trick your way in, knowing you'll never have the guts to actually try it. (Hey, those guards look big!)
