'I've been married four times. Here's what I finally learned about love.'

I've said "I do" four times. Four weddings. Four vows. Four heartbreaks that felt like the end of the world.

Each time, I thought I was getting it right. That this one would be the one that lasted.

And each time, I left, or was left, feeling like I'd failed.

At first, I told myself the problem was them.

But lying on a yoga mat after my fourth divorce, mid-breathwork session, the truth hit me like a freight train: I wasn't just choosing the wrong people.

I was choosing what felt familiar, even if it hurt.

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The first marriage.

I met my first husband as a teenager. We were young, wild, and it felt like a fun rom-com for real. But over time, that excitement gave way to disconnection.

I stayed for over a decade, mostly out of fear of starting over, of being alone, of failing as a mum.

Leaving was the bravest and loneliest thing I've ever done.

The second marriage.

Soon after, I met someone who seemed like the opposite. Calm. Stable. Supportive.

But it wasn't to be.

I remember the moment it broke me. It wasn't loud. It wasn't dramatic. It was a quiet, slow burn.

So, I packed up and started over. Again.

Linda Kaye. Image: Supplied.

The third marriage.

I truly thought I'd broken the pattern. This time, I chose someone gentle. Nurturing. Encouraging.

But I lost myself.

I felt like I had failed again, failed to choose the right one, failed to follow my gut instinct but chose to stay for fear of another failed marriage.

The fourth marriage.

I met him when I was least expecting it. The chemistry was magnetic. The words were perfect. The promise was intoxicating.

Until the cracks started to show.

When it was finally over, I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I just shut down. Numb. Exhausted. Done.

The moment everything changed.

On that yoga mat, sobbing into my chest, I finally faced it:

I wasn't cursed.

I was unhealed.

My nervous system had been in flight or fight for 30 years, it was trained.

To chase chaos.

To fear stillness.

To confuse adrenaline with intimacy.

No relationship could fix what I hadn't faced in myself. So, I started the work.

Therapy. Breathwork. Sound healing. Meditation, Ice Baths.

The stuff I used to scoff at became my lifeline.

Image: Supplied.

Finally healing.

Healing didn't give me a new man. It gave me, me.

It made me delete the "you up?" text.

It made me choose peace over passion.

It made me learn how to sit with my own loneliness, instead of outsourcing my worth to someone else.

For the first time in my life, I felt safe… even alone.

Why I'm telling you this…

Because right now, there's a woman Googling:

"Why do I keep attracting the wrong men?"

She doesn't need more dating rules. She needs to know she's not alone.

The truth I needed to hear.

I used to believe four divorces made me a failure.

Now, I see each one as a mirror.

Each relationship taught me something about myself, even the painful ones.

If you're stuck in that same cycle, the one where you keep loving people who can't meet you, keep hoping this time will be different. I see you.

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You're not broken. You're not too much. You're not impossible to love.

You've just been surviving in a way that made sense when you didn't know any better.

You were doing what your body, your heart, your history told you was love, even if it was loud, messy, or left you aching.

But here's the good part:

The moment you see it, you can choose differently.

Not overnight. Not perfectly. But step by quiet step, you can untangle the story you've been stuck in and write a new one that feels like home.

One where peace isn't boring.

Where love feels safe.

And where you finally belong, not to someone else, but to yourself.

It took me four marriages to realise the truth.

I was the pattern.

But that means I also hold the power to change it.

And you do too.

Feature Image: Supplied.