'I'm constantly told by men I'm "beautiful for an Asian girl". It needs to stop.'

As a child, I was constantly inundated with the same images on television: beautiful white people with interesting stories to tell. On the rare occasion I did see an Asian female character on screen, they were either hyper-sexualised, a martial arts sidekick, a socially awkward brainiac, or a timid, obedient girl being pursued by a powerful, white man.

I could not identify with any of these tropes as a child, and as an adult, I still can't. 

Only in my teenage years did I come to realise how detrimental this misrepresentation was for the perception I had of myself, not to mention other East Asian people.

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Growing up, as I am sure many East Asian kids can relate to, I received plenty of "ching chongs" or "your eyes are so small - how do you even see?". Very quickly, I became ashamed of the way I looked and even the sound of my own language made me cringe in embarrassment. This yearning to fit in completely overpowered my will to understand or connect with my culture. 

Although I am and have always been fluent in Cantonese, at school, I did everything in my power to appear as detached from my language and culture as possible. I had been conditioned to believe that in order to be considered a 'cool Asian', I had to appear more white. Myself and my Asian peers became obsessed with being coined 'white-washed', a term that differentiated us from them. Those that left behind their culture versus those that were held back by it. As the years went on, I even started to make fun of my culture, imitating a broken Chinese accent and laughing at how funny it sounded.

To this day, I feel ashamed that I ever mocked my own language, knowing the struggles my grandparents and parents experienced integrating into Australian society in order to provide me with the life I have.

It’s funny to think that so often our response to situations like this is to curve our own perception of our culture and separate ourselves from those being mocked. Because ultimately, it is better to be laughing than be the ones being laughed at. Even if, deep down, we know we are the butt of the joke. What is seemingly harmless self-preservation is actually a trauma response, and one that does not do you or your community any favours.

If the way we choose to perceive our culture is to appease a system that never saw or valued us in the first place, what part of us are we actually preserving?

When I went to university, in just a few short years, everything started to change. People seemed to approach me differently. My physical appearance, which had been shamed and mocked my entire life, was now suddenly seen as desirable or 'exotic'. White boys would approach me at parties and boast about having "yellow fever" or express that I was "pretty for an Asian girl". In all honesty, at the time part of me found these comments somewhat flattering, but another part of me grappled with the idea that they were backhanded and uncomfortable. Now, as a 26-year-old Chinese woman, I finally understand how offensive these comments really are.

Saying I'm 'beautiful for an Asian' is seemingly complimentary, but in reality only reinforces the 'otherness' of Asian women and emphasises that my culture is somehow a detriment, which my looks make up for. It means that as soon as I am found attractive, my beauty is judged under white or Euro-centric standards. This notion that my culture, my language and my skin colour is 'too foreign' to be normal has carried through from my childhood until today and continues to impact the way I perceive my identity.

The hyper sexualisation of East Asian women has become normalised every day: Lucy Liu in a tight leather body suit, a Japanese school girl fighting in a short skirt, a Chinese woman being heartbroken by a handsome, white soldier. And I am sick of it. I am sick of people coming up to me on the street and saying "Ni Hao, china doll". Telling me you like Chinese girls is not flattering, it's objectifying and insulting. I am more than the racialised fetish or sexual fantasies framed by the gaze of white men.

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My race should not be a pre-requisite for how dateable I am and I refuse to be limited to the images Western media have fed me my entire life, that is only now beginning to change.

It may have taken years and countless inner conflicts but I have finally arrived. I love being Australian Born Chinese. I can speak three different languages and am lucky enough to have two homes: Australia and Hong Kong. I have the privilege of living in dual cultures, both of which inform fundamental parts of my identity.

So let this be this clear.

Telling me you have yellow fever or that you are "into Asian girls" is not a turn on.

Telling me I am 'beautiful for a Chinese person' is not flattering, nor is it a compliment.

I am who I am because of my culture. And you are too.

Feature Image: Supplied.