'I fake tanned every Thursday for 10 years. A wake-up call made me stop cold turkey.'

I can still remember the first time I fake tanned.

I was 13 years old; my mum had a bottle of Dove gradual tan that I lathered onto my scrawny legs.

Our Irish heritage wasn't cut out for the sun, and to my disappointment, a natural tan would require burning my skin until it blistered. Even at 13, I knew better than that.

Watch: Are Australians as sun safe as we think we are? Post continues below.

All I wanted was to look more like the girls I was seeing on the newly created Instagram feed.

The orange legs poking out from my school dress made me feel one step closer to that reality. I was immediately hooked. 

Luckily for me, this coincided with the boom of the fake tan industry in Australia. Self-tanning brand Bondi Sands was born that very year, and you couldn't rip a bottle out of my hands if you tried.

By 14, I was fake tanning every Thursday with their dark self-tanning foam and the real addiction started.

Australia's obsession with tanned skin has a dangerous history, however the new mass market accessibility of fake tan meant that there was finally a safer way. This was the era of Instagram filters, Triangl Bikinis, Coachella and toxic diet culture (a troubling introduction to adolescence if you ask me).

Social media was reinforcing Australia's message that "you're more beautiful with a tan" and soon, all my friends were addicts too.

At 15, my dad was diagnosed with stage four melanoma and the reminder of how dangerous the sun was, quickly stabbed me in the chest. This only reinforced my fake tan addiction, knowing how much better it was for me than sun tanning. 

I spent the remainder of my teenage years and early 20s ensuring I had a perfectly timed fake tan for every major event. I didn't want to leave the house without it. It became a part of my identity and I genuinely didn't know myself without a fake tan.

"I didn't want to leave the house without self tan." Image: Supplied.

After losing my dad to Melanoma in 2020, I've been advocating heavily for sun safety both online and amongst my personal community of friends and family. Only recently did I realise my fake tan addiction was encouraging the very systemic problem I'd been fighting against.

Australia's unhealthy obsession with sun tanning has led our beauty standards to a place where a tan (real or fake) is believed to be "more attractive" or "healthier".

After all, it was this beauty standard I was aspiring to in the first place, and it's the same beauty standard that took my dad's life. It feels dystopian not to embrace the skin I was born with, considering the privilege I hold as a white person who has never faced discrimination because of my skin colour.

Still, years of conditioning that "pale" was less attractive left me with complicated feelings about my natural skin.

My final straw was seeing young girls deliberately burning tan lines onto their chests last summer. I couldn't believe influencers with hundreds of thousands of followers were encouraging it.

That's when it hit me, the Australian beauty space is lacking voices who stand up and say, "your natural skin is beautiful."

If we're ever going to shift the mindset and help prevent the 2 in 3 Australians who will face a skin cancer diagnosis, we need to start changing our view on fair skin.

One random week in February, I decided to challenge myself and not fake tan. I didn't tell anyone in case I didn't have the willpower to commit to it.

"You can rewrite the beliefs you thought were hard-wired." Image: Supplied.

I took it day by day. A work trip to France in March re-confirmed how much Australia's culture is part of the problem. Parisian women were proudly themselves, make-up free, natural skin and effortlessly authentic.

I committed to changing and since going cold turkey, slowly my insecurities are starting to fade.

Figuring out my new makeup shades, what clothes I felt best in and how to make my natural skin glow were new challenges.

I started to document the experience online, and had other young women commenting that it inspired them to ditch their fake tan too. 

"I have never felt more like myself." Image: Supplied.

I experienced a European summer holiday without tan, I got engaged, went to major events like weddings and started to find myself throughout the year.

I realised that each time I showed up as authentically me, it became a little bit easier. A shift started occurring in my community and I could see that my mindset and beliefs were shifting too.

There are times when I feel I would look better with a fake tan, but those times are becoming less frequent and the mental space it's given me has been so freeing.

I no longer spend time quietly thinking "when should I exfoliate?", "what day should I tan for this event?", "my fake tan might leak on that white dress" and that freedom has been a welcomed surprise.

I no longer think about streaky or patchy dry skin, my sheets have never been cleaner and I have never felt more like myself.

Belle enjoying her Europe trip, sans self tan. Images: Supplied.

Whether it's a red lipstick or a gradual tan, it's on my terms now. I'm free from the pressure and conformity, and I've found myself because of it.

I've seen a shift online with fewer people proudly sun tanning, whether for vanity or skin cancer concern. It's slowly becoming something you should be ashamed of (at least in my algorithm).

And the self-tanning addiction has been a great conversation with friends online and in person. Attitudes are slowly shifting, and a movement is quietly happening amongst my friends.

If you take anything from my story, you can rewrite the beliefs you thought were hard-wired.

And you can learn to love the parts of yourself you once felt insecure about. Maybe it's my frontal lobe developing, but it was finally time to embrace myself for who I am, fair skin, moles, scars and all.

I hope others can be inspired to do the same.

For more on Australia's complicated relationship with the sun, listen to our interview with Professor Georgina Long, Medical Director of Melanoma Institute Australia (MIA) and 2024 Australian of the Year, on the Well podcast.

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Feature image: Supplied.

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