'I'm a psychologist. This is the one thing you should never do in therapy.'

Starting therapy is an act of courage. Just showing up in the therapy room means you're prioritising your well-being.

But as a clinical psychologist, I've noticed over the years that it's incredibly common for people, even with the best intentions, to fall into certain patterns that keep them from getting as much as they could from sessions.

If you find yourself feeling unsure or worried you're not "doing it right," you're definitely not alone.

Let me share the most common mistakes I see play out in the therapy room, and a question you can ask your therapist to help overcome these hurdles.

Listen: The biggest mistakes you're making in therapy explained. Post continues after podcast.

1. Trying to impress your therapist.

This is one of the big ones to steer clear of.

Have you ever caught yourself putting a positive spin on stories or skipping over your "messy" moments?

There's a completely understandable urge to make a good impression — even with your therapist. I've even seen people even slip into "well, it's not that bad" mode, or they laugh things off. Honestly, there's no need to wear a mask in therapy.

I promise, as psychologists, we've heard it all. You can bring your real, unfiltered self into the therapy room and you might be pleasantly surprised by how freeing that feels.

Instead of making this mistake, you should ask your therapist this question instead: "I notice I keep wanting to present myself in a certain way during our sessions — can we talk about that?"

Watch: Learning to delay your response. Post continues after video.

2. Not telling the full story.

Sometimes people worry about how they might be perceived by their therapist and so they withhold bits of information.

But leaving out bits and pieces is kind of like giving me a jigsaw puzzle with half the corners missing. We'll still try to make sense of things together, but it's trickier. There's, of course, no need to share everything right away and the process of opening up to a stranger can be uncomfortable. It can take time.

Trust builds over the course of therapy. But sometimes the "side notes" you think don't matter, just might be the dots we end up connecting later.

Instead of making this mistake, you should ask your therapist this question instead: "I feel like I want to tell you about this recent situation that occurred — do you think it is relevant?"

3. Talking around — not about— the big stuff.

We can all do this; dance around the topics we're avoiding.

I often see clients come into the therapy room and tell me about a minor inconvenience or stressor they've been experiencing, when really, the main things causing them to not feel good are sitting beneath the surface. Before you know it, you might find that the session is over and you never quite got to the real reason you came.

Sometimes the hardest part is naming what's really on your mind, and maybe just saying, "This feels awkward, but…" or "I'm not sure where to start." That's all it takes to nudge things forward.

Instead of making this mistake, you should ask your therapist this question instead: "How can I talk to you about the big problems I'm facing, when it feels so uncomfortable to do so?"

Dr Anastasia Hronis. Image: Supplied.

4. Hoping your therapist has a magic wand.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could just show up, and get handed a magical fix for whatever it is you're struggling with?

I get it — we all wish life worked like that. I often tell my clients, that I wish I had a magic wand to help them immediately. But here's a truth: the real breakthroughs often happen outside the room. It happens in those tiny, messy, everyday moments where you put ideas and strategies from the therapy room, into your everyday life. I'll cheer you on (and offer all my best tools), but the heavy lifting is a team effort.

Instead of making this mistake, you should ask your therapist this question instead: "How can I take my learnings from the therapy room, and implement them in my day-to-day life?"

5. Quitting when it gets tough.

Here's the thing: the moments when therapy feels the hardest — when you're frustrated, emotional, or maybe just over it — are often when you're on the edge of a breakthrough.

I know, sticking with it is tough when it doesn't feel like progress is linear. The urge to ghost your therapist or call it quits is normal, but giving yourself a bit more time, or even just talking honestly about feeling stuck, can lead to big "aha" moments.

Instead of making these mistakes, you should ask your therapist this question instead: "Am I making the progress at the rate you'd expect me to make progress?"

Navigating therapy isn't always straightforward, and it's completely natural to wonder if you're "doing it right."

The truth is, there isn't one right way — every individual's journey is unique, and so is the process. It's very normal and common if you've found yourself up against one of the roadblocks mentioned above. I see it happen all the time.

And don't worry, the responsibility is not entirely on you to overcome these roadblocks. As psychologists, we are well aware of the struggles our clients might face in the therapy room, and it is part of our job to enable people to move past them.

If you find therapy challenging, keep in mind that sticking with it through the ups and downs is an immense act of self-respect. Each session is another opportunity to learn about yourself and create change. Ultimately, the best work in therapy happens when you show up as authentically as you can.

Feature Image: Getty.

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