"27 very important questions I have for the dogs of the world."

Thanks to research, there are a lot of things we know for sure about dogs — but in many ways our four-legged friends remain shrouded in mystery.

Weird, wonderful mystery.

Of course, many of these unknowns would be easily cleared up if we could just ask our dogs to explain, but we’ve got that pesky language barrier to contend with. Alas.

In preparation for the glorious day when dogs and humans can communicate verbally — come on, scientists, get on it — I’ve compiled a list of Very Important Questions that will need to be asked.

Here they are, in no particular order:

Do you actually enjoy playing fetch, or do you just oblige because you think I love it?

When you're sitting there quietly, what are you thinking about?

When you adorably put your paw on me is it because you love me... or are you just trying to scam food?

Do you ever miss your biological mum and dad and siblings?

When you lick my hand, do you ever kinda wish I would reciprocate? Do you think it's rude that I don't?

Do you realise there's a whole world out there? Not just home and the park?

What on earth are you dreaming about what you're barking and running in your sleep?

If you're one of those dogs who insist on being in the bathroom with your owner when they take a shower and/or use the toilet... why do you do that? And why do you always watch in fascination?

Do you get bored of eating the same food, more or less, every day?

Do you get a kick out of having a human pick up your waste after you?

When you make weird noises, what are you trying to say?

Why do you like some dogs and not others? Is it just a vibe you get? Or are they just being rude?

When you start growling at 10pm at absolutely nothing... why? (Post continues after gallery.)

How did you learn how to swim without any lessons? It's very clever.

Do dogs that are different breeds sound different to you? Like, do they bark with an accent?

Why do you do that thing when you zoom around the yard like a maniac?

When you bark at birds/possums/posties, what do you expect to happen?

What do you do all day? Do you get bored?

Do you realise your paws smell like popcorn? (Because they do. It's adorable.)

Do you like watching TV?

Are you aware of just how powerful your 'puppy dog eyes' actually are? Because that is a superpower.

Do you realise humans tend to blame you when they break wind? How does that make you feel?

When we dress you up in costumes, do you understand why it's so funny?

When your owners give you ridiculous haircuts, do you cry/resent them a little inside?

Do you really hate cats? Or is it a societal stereotype you feel the pressure to live up to?

Do you ever wish you could change up your look? I mean, if I had to wear the same coat every day I'd get pretty bored, so I'd understand if you felt the same.

Do you understand just how much we love you?