friendship

The subtle signs your 'fun' friend might actually be a psychopath.

When we hear the word "psychopath," most of us conjure up an image of a sadistic killer, or the cinematic horror movie villain; the likes of Norman Bates from Psycho, or Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

Monsters who lurk in the shadows with chilling intent.

In reality, many psychopaths don't look anything like that.

They often show up in our lives as the fun friend, the social butterfly, or the charming new acquaintance who seems to sweep in with magnetic energy — only to slowly, quietly, unravel your sense of trust, confidence, and emotional security.

Watch: The signs you're dating a narcissist. Post continues below.


Video via Psych2Go.

Estimates vary as to how many psychopaths are in society. It's believed one per cent of the population has severe psychopathy. But a study by the American Psychological Association (APA), suggests close to 30 per cent of us have some level of psychopathic traits.

According to psychopathy expert Dr. Clive Boddy, author of A Climate of Fear: Stone Cold Psychopaths at Work, psychopaths walk amongst us and many of them don't just survive in society, they thrive.

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They infiltrate our friendship groups, manipulate social dynamics, and leave a trail of emotional damage that's hard to explain, because from the outside, they look completely normal.

"When I first started my research, there was the overwhelming idea that psychopaths are all criminals," Dr Boddy said.

"The reality is much more complicated than that. There are many psychopaths who exist under the radar because they look perfectly normal and are charming and sociable people."

And for female psychopaths especially, the dynamics can be especially subtle and deeply damaging.

Listen: Is your friend a psychopath? The Quicky unpacks it. Post continues below.

What is a psychopath, really?

Psychopathy is a clinical personality disorder characterised by a lack of empathy, remorse, and conscience, Boddy explained.

These individuals view others not as people but as tools; objects to be used, manipulated, and discarded.

It's different from narcissism, although the two can overlap.

"A narcissist is basically someone who loves themselves too much for their own good and the reason they neglect other people is because they don't think about other people," Boddy said.

"A psychopath doesn't care about other people because they have no empathy, no conscience, no emotion. So for them, other people simply don't exist as real people."

Boddy explained that psychopathy manifests in two broad ways:

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The Criminal Psychopath — These are the individuals more likely to engage in overtly violent or illegal behaviour. They often come from disadvantaged backgrounds, lack social protection, and end up in prison.The Corporate Psychopath —

"Quite often they're so charming and sociable and likeable at a superficial level that it's hard to identify them in the first place. It might be that your friends notice it quicker than you do."

How to spot a psychopath in your work or social circle.

Boddy explained you will be initially drawn to a psychopath, much like a moth to a flame.

"In many ways, they can be a lot of fun to be around," he said. "They take risks and do things that the rest of us wouldn't normally do.

"They are seductive, and they will try and exploit you … so they're dangerous in terms of capturing your affection for no good reason, and then using your money and other resources for themselves."

Psychopaths are often high in social intelligence. They know how to mimic empathy, mirror your values, and insert themselves into your world in ways that feel organic and safe.

But there will be tell-tale signs something is not right.

You might feel emotionally drained after seeing them. You might feel confused about your dynamic. You might find yourself explaining or justifying their behaviour to others — especially if your other friends are raising red flags you can't quite explain.

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"They take you into interesting situations, but they'll leave you in the lurch if anything goes wrong," Boddy said, adding their surrounding relationships tend to be shallow.

"Lots of superficial friendships, which can be continued over time, but at the end of the day you couldn't rely on them."

The strategies and behaviours will also be different depending on gender.

For female psychopaths, things are "a lot more subtle."

Listen for more tips on how to spot psychopathy. Post continues below.

"Male corporate psychos, one of the things they tend to do a lot of is bullying," Boddy said. "Whereas bullying from psychopathic females is more relational and emotional. It's less easy to spot.

"But females can spot it from female psychopaths, more than males can spot it from female psychopath. Females seem to be more attuned to relational aggression than men are."

Should you begin to suspect a psychopath may have latched onto you, Boddy said it's best to gradually sever the connection.

"Just interact with them less and less overtime," he said.

"But it depends if you think there's a threat or not. If you think there's a threat, then move away as quickly as you can, and don't engage with them on your own."

Image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).

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