5 phrases that will get you out of any awkward family conversations these holidays.

In theory, family gatherings end with everyone's cup well and truly filled, right? You've just caught up with those you hold dearest in the world. There was laughter, merriment and fun.

What could be better?

The reality, however, is less joyous for some.

Take Christmas Day, for example. While the drinks may be flowing, for Kate*, the good vibes are not

"As soon as December hits, I get this sense of dread," Kate told Mamamia.

"It's hard to feel festive when you know you're about to spend a day defending your life choices or deflecting awkward questions."

Indeed, for the 36-year-old, entering Christmas gatherings is like "stepping into a pressure cooker".

Watch: When do you put up your Christmas tree? Post continues after video.

"Everyone's catching up, chatting about their kids, their partners, or their lives, and then they turn to me and say 'Soooo… still single?' I know they are probably just taking an interest, but there is an air of smugness and pity that I can't stand."

She'll try to change the subject or crack a joke, but Kate is always met with the same response: We just want you to be happy!

"As if my happiness or success only counts when it involves a partner or a baby," she said.

"I have a successful job but all my family can say to me is, 'Don't you want kids? You're not getting any younger' or 'Maybe if you didn't work so much, you'd meet someone.'"

For the 36-year-old, the day gets increasingly "exhausting and demoralising" as the years go on. "I used to love Christmas as a kid, but now it feels like an obligation and interrogation," she shared.

"They focus more on what I'm lacking than on just enjoying time together. It makes me feel like I've failed them."

Kate started "mentally preparing" herself for this Christmas back in November, but she knows she will end up hiding in the kitchen wiping her tears.

"I've also considered being upfront, saying, 'I'd appreciate it if we didn't talk about my relationship status today,' but I haven't had the courage to try it yet."

But is direct the best approach for your noisy cousin? We asked a psychologist for some tips on how to manage family expectations during holidays, and setting boundaries with family during Christmas family gatherings — and beyond.

The preemptive strike.

If, like Kate, your stomach drops as soon as December hits, it can be helpful to prepare your defence for the big day.

"If you anticipate certain sensitive topics coming up, set the tone before the conversation begins," psychologist Kirsten Forgione of Myndly told Mamamia.

"A light preemptive remark like, 'Just so everyone knows, I'd prefer not to talk about my personal life this year' can let your family know where you stand. This sets boundaries before the questions even begin."

Why it works: "Preemptive boundary-setting has been shown to reduce anxiety and tension in social situations, allowing you to enjoy yourself without dreading those inevitable questions."

The 'reframe the question' approach.

Just like a politician, you can answer the question without ~actually~ answering the question, said Forgione.

"If someone asks about your relationship status and it feels too invasive, try saying, 'I'm really focused on personal growth right now — that's my priority.' This shifts the conversation away from your love life and back to something that feels empowering and more aligned with your values."

Why it works: "Cognitive reframing helps you take control of the situation by steering the focus in a direction that feels more comfortable, without creating conflict."

The 'empathy and assertiveness' approach.

"Sometimes, it helps to acknowledge the curiosity of the other person while still asserting your boundaries," said Forgione.

"You could say, 'I can see why you're curious, but I prefer to keep this part of my life private right now. Thanks for understanding.' This way, you acknowledge their interest, but firmly set a boundary."

Why it works: "This is the perfect mix of assertiveness and empathy. It allows you to protect your privacy without sounding dismissive, and keeps things respectful."

The 'redirect with genuine curiosity' approach.

Most people loooove talking about themselves. By redirecting the conversation to focus on the question asker, you can "take the pressure off you" in a respectful way, said Forgione.

"Instead of answering a question that makes you uncomfortable, ask about the other person's life. For example, if someone asks about your career, try saying, 'I'd rather not get into that, but I'd love to hear how your year's been!' This shows genuine interest in them, while subtly shifting the focus away from yourself."

Why it works: "Social intelligence helps you steer conversations away from uncomfortable territory while still engaging meaningfully with others."

The physical shift.

Not into setting boundaries with words? Never underestimate the power of body language in speaking volumes.

"Sometimes, a simple physical shift can reinforce your boundaries without needing to say a word," said Forgione.

"If someone asks a question that makes you uncomfortable, subtly adjust your body posture or move away a little. It's a non-verbal cue that signals discomfort, and often people will pick up on it."

Why it works: "Non-verbal communication is a powerful tool. Our body language can communicate our needs and boundaries without us needing to speak, which helps avoid unnecessary conflict."

The 'self-compassion pause'.

Let's face it, some family members will just never stop probing during family gatherings, no matter how many boundaries you set. If they are being so flippant with your emotions, try not to pile on and take a moment to practice self-compassion, said Forgione.

"Remind yourself that it's okay to have boundaries, and that you don't need to justify your choices to anyone. A simple, 'It's okay for me to have privacy,' can be all you need to regain your composure and reinforce your sense of self-worth."

Why it works: "Self-compassion helps you reduce stress and build emotional resilience, making it easier to handle uncomfortable situations without losing your sense of self."

If all else fails, say your goodbyes, remind yourself "I am enough", and go enjoy mimosas with the girlies.

*Kate is known to Mamamia and has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature Image: Canva.