Alison Daddo on the conversation every parent should have with their teen.

Thanks to our brand partner, Snapchat

Alison Daddo is no stranger to teenagers or tough conversations. As a mum of three kids — 29, 25 and 19 — all with very different personalities, it's safe to say she's had to handle just about every curveball a teenager can throw.

Her kids are different from each other in just about every way, Alison told Mamamia, ranging from her 19-year-old daughter "the most social person I've ever met" to her "incredibly private" 29-year-old. But one thing all three had in common was that, around the age of 15, they started spending a lot more time online.

Alison wasn't always interested in online safety, but it became hard to ignore once her kids got their own phones.

Her major worry was around online grooming and sextortion. According to the Australian Federal Police-led Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE), online grooming is when an adult builds a relationship with a child under 16 to persuade them into sexual activity, and sextortion takes place when someone tricks another person into sharing a sexual image or video and then blackmails them by threatening to share the image.

"I'd hear about it on the news or from talking to other parents," she said. "There are stories you hear sometimes about kids being reached by strangers in their own home and that was my concern."

Those concerns led Alison to find out as much as she could about the online platforms her kids were using. Rather than trying to limit phone use, because "the horse has already bolted" on that point, she decided that knowledge was power.

One of her most important tips for parents is to approach conversations about online safety in an open-minded and positive way.

"We had a lot of interest in the games the kids were playing or the apps they were using in a friendly way. I would say, 'show me how this app works' not 'get off that app'. It's not about punishment, it's about information and my kids were always very open about what they were using because it was always talked about in a positive way."

Snapchat is a very popular app amongst teens, who primarily use it for messaging family and friends. They have collaborated with ACCCE to help educate parents on online grooming and sextortion and have parental tools called "Family Centre".

Family Centre gives parents the ability to see which Snapchat friends or groups their teens have chatted with in the last seven days, see a complete list of their teens' existing friends and easily view new friends their teens have added, making it easy to start conversations about who their new contacts are.

Snapchat is also designed to make it difficult for strangers to connect with teens, adding an extra layer of protection.

"As a parent, you need to understand the apps your teenagers use as best you can so you know about the parental controls they have."

"You can then raise any concerns with your kids — 'I'm not seeing your conversations, but I know who you're talking with. Can you tell me who this person is, honey?'. You just want to keep that information flowing."

Alison's ethos is to never approach her kids like they're doing something wrong just by being online — but that doesn't mean it isn't a parent's role to help educate kids about the red flags to look out for.

"Sometimes when it comes to online grooming or sextortion, teenagers genuinely might not realise it's beginning to happen — it's never too late to start that conversation to make them really aware of what's out there."

And if you're worried that your teen may be experiencing problems, or has been exposed to potential harms online?

"Trust your gut," advised Alison. "You know if things are changing in your child — are they spending more time in their room with their phone, have they become more secretive, withdrawn or upset? Have they withdrawn from their friends? They might even have new possessions and can't explain where they're coming from — you know if something isn't right."

If your teen is worried about something that is happening to them online, Alison said, "it might be a really hard thing to come to you about. It might feel like their fault. It's important to remember, if your child is in that position, that it's never about shame, it's always about empathy and making sure they feel taken care of".

Then, you'll need to take the five steps set out by the ACCCE: 

• Stop the chat immediately. Do not respond to or meet any demands. 

• Take screenshots of all messages. 

• Report it to the ACCCE.

• Block the account and report it to the app, game or site where it's happening.

• Get additional support from a dedicated service, like Kids Helpline Australia. 

"It's important to know that these are the actions that you can, and should, take," Alison said. "It's not just a case of, 'we don't know this person so there's nothing more we can do'. And it's important to communicate with your kids that there are these options if they have a problem online."

Alison's final takeaway?

"Having conversations with my teenagers and alerting them to what they're opening themselves up to online was paramount for me."

"You can't be over their shoulder watching every moment, so you have to have those conversations so they're aware of the risks, but also so they know that there are steps that can be taken if they find themselves in a difficult position."

Learn more about Snapchat's tools and resources for parents and teens here.

Feature Image: Supplied.

Snapchat is working with the AFP-led Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation to help address safety concerns of parents and carers - educating them about both online grooming and sextortion, how to talk to their teens about the issues and where to go for help. For more information visit: accce.gov.au