'The very honest pros and cons to having 4 kids under 8.'

As told to Shannen Findlay.

For as long as I can remember, I've felt a desire to be a mum deep in my bones. 

As a parent of four babies — eight-year-old Winslow, seven-year-old Pascal, five-year-old Daphne and five-month-old Memphis — I'm constantly asked what it's actually like. 

Let me spoil it for you and tell you it's a joy unlike any other... but that doesn't mean the tough parts don't swallow you some days.

I was lucky to find my person from a young age and we both had the same desire to be parents, so we didn't waste any time. 

It's the ultimate privilege for me, but let me tell you it's a wild ride with one - let alone four! 

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So here I am, giving you the ultimate pros and cons list of being a mum of four. Strap in.

Pros

• With each child, you learn new lessons. So four kids = four different sets of lessons, all day and every day.
• Your kids are each others' best friends. They look out for each other; they are in one another's corner. You'll not have to wonder if they'll ever be lonely.
• My kids are so close in age that they teach each other so much. Daphne wants to be just like her big brother and sister so she learned quickly how to be independent in the morning and choose her own outfits and complete her daily chores! It's a wonder to experience and watch it all unfold.

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• They'll show you a new love. They'll teach you how to love differently, they'll make you unlock parts of a love you'd had no idea existed.
• Each of my babies has different personalities that are larger than life. They show me every day how special they are. Winslow is my teacher, because I gain something new from her perspective every single day. Pascal is what I call my expander because he is so curious and is always asking questions. He's my big-picture thinker. Daphne is my joy seeker. She's just here to experience life!
• An unlikely pro, but my kids are not perfect, nor would I want them to be. They are tiny creatures learning how to stand on their own two feet. How boring would it be if they were perfect? 
• They help me realise that being the perfect parent doesn't exist. Of course, I want to be the best version of myself. I want to give my kids the best parts of me, all of the time, but I've unsubscribed from being the "perfect parent" because what does that really even mean? I'm not alone in my feelings either. Mamamia' s Parenting Pain Points research backs this up: a reported 88 percent of mothers with kids under five no longer subscribe to the pressures of aspiring to be the perfect parent either. Because frankly, it's exhausting, we've collectively realised. And it's not productive, and it's not helpful.  

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• Giving your kids their own bedroom that's inspired by what they love is a joy unlike any other!
• A big personal pro is realising your passions don't have to sit on the sidelines when you become a mother. You'll learn that on your own and through your children.

Cons

I'll be honest with you, I don't believe in "cons" necessarily when it comes to parenting my four babies. Everything in this life is a lesson. All that we go through — the trials, the hard days, the minutes and hours that don't feel worth it — are here for a reason. But alas, for the sake of transparency, here's my own list of challenges!

• You might lose your identity. In 2019, I had an awakening and I realised that motherhood had become my entire identity. I didn't know who I was outside of being a mother. I had to strip it all back. It can be hard to find the balance.
• You might not remember each pregnancy the way you want to. With Pascal — my second child — it felt like I was wrapped in this thick blanket of fog. 
• I had my three eldest babies one after the other — three kids in three years! I look back and think, "Oh my gosh, I was absolutely crazy." It's beautiful but it's MESSY.
• You're outnumbered by tiny people. They know it, you know it and it will be this way for the rest of your life (but is that really a con?! Depends on the day).
• Parenting four babies means parenting in four different ways. In realising what was missing from my kids' lives, I learnt that I was not tending to their individual needs. I had to learn new tools and modalities to help deepen my understanding of my children and make sure each of them feel emotionally and physically supported in the ways they each need.
• Some days will be rough. My goodness, it will be a kick in the butt some days.
• The journey to motherhood might be 'easy' for some, but you'll never experience anything harder. For me, to fall pregnant each time with each of my children was a blessing. We planned every one of our kids and this is an immense privilege my husband and I do not take lightly. Motherhood will hit right in the bones though, so I wouldn't get used to the luck.
• You will be a mother forever. How debilitating and freeing and wonderful and terrifying is that? 
• Parenting can feel terrifying and some days, you'll believe you're doing a bad job. It will feel like a failure. You might fall down and fear you won't get back up again. But you'll learn a new strength and you'll refine how you parent and you will know that all of it was worth it. 

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