'My post-divorce glow up had nothing to do with a revenge body.'

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In the months following her separation from the man she'd shared nine years of marriage and two children with, Claudia* says the only way to describe her state of mind was "hollowed out."

"I just felt utterly empty," she says. "The split was not my decision, and I did not see it coming. Within two months, he was living with the woman he'd left me for, and I was still struggling to pick myself up off the bathroom floor on days I didn't have the kids with me."

It was a begrudging drink with a friend, about five months into the separation, that pulled Claudia out of the funk.

Watch: How to support someone going through a separation or divorce. Post continues after video.

"This woman was a friend, but we weren't super close," she recalls. "She was a mum from school, but she was also split from her kids' dad, and once she heard about my breakup, she kept reaching out. No matter how many times I told her I was busy, she just kept inviting me, until it was too awkward to say no."

Now, Claudia credits that night as the turning point in her mindset.

"She was really blunt," she laughs. "She said, 'Babe, I've been exactly where you've been, and I wish I could fast-forward this bit for you. It's time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself and started working on your glow-up.'"

Affronted, Claudia told her she was in no mood to start the 'bootcamp-and-Botox' protocol she'd seen other women embark on post-divorce.

"More power to them if that's what they want to do, but I'm not a 'revenge body' kind of person," she says.

Claudia's friend wasn't talking about her body though – she was talking about her bank account.

"She basically said, 'I guarantee you have more wealth-building power than you think you do, and you're better with money than you think you are," says Claudia.

"She told me I didn't have a choice – the prospects for single women into their fifties and sixties are dire in this country, so the smartest thing to do was to go hard now. I was 39 at the time."

Women over 60 are the fastest-growing homeless cohorts in Australia, in part due to the historic lack of financial independence and earning capacity afforded to women in this generation.

Even now, periods out of the workforce without building up superannuation, along with institutional bias when it comes to promoting women in leadership positions, means women are at a financial disadvantage outside the gates. Throw in the cost of a divorce and the halving of assets, and that gap widens even further. 

"Women face both systemic and emotional barriers, ranging from the gender pay gap and unpaid caregiving to limited access to financial education," explains Anissa Cavallo, founder of Eda Property and expert voice on how women can rebuild their financial security after divorce.

"Many women have been kept in the dark when it comes to money. They've been told they're 'bad with numbers' or made to feel embarrassed for asking questions."

After losing everything (including a 10-property portfolio) in her own divorce, Anissa rebuilt from scratch as a single mother of two, and today leads a seven-figure property investment business with a 17-property portfolio. She says the first thing women need to do after a separation is be unflinchingly honest with themselves about their financial situation. 

"The first thing you should do is get clarity, both emotionally and financially," she says. 

"Before making any big decisions, take stock of what you own, what you owe, and what your income and expenses look like. Many women avoid the numbers out of fear or overwhelm, but understanding your position is the foundation of taking back control. Get copies of bank statements, Super balances, and loan documents, and start assembling a financial snapshot."

For Claudia – under the wing of the friend she now calls her 'divorce mentor', baldly looking at her financial situation was confronting – and then empowering.

"I realised that I'd taken a back seat on financial decisions ever since having our kids," she says, "and while my ex was never financially abusive, I'd definitely say that he didn't value my input as equal to his. He just made decisions – some of them bad – without really taking the time to listen to my concerns."

"Although to be fair," she adds, "I didn't even really vocalise them towards the end."

Claudia, whose parents had a granny flat at the back of their property, made the decision to "suck it up and save," in the immediate aftermath of the split.

"As soon as all the finances were separate, I bought a two-bedroom apartment close to the university, and rented it out."

Her thinking was that if she was able to live cheaply with her parents for a year, she could amass a significant amount of equity while she planned her next move, and a more permanent home for her and the kids. 

"I don't take for granted how lucky I was to have the safe landing of Mum and Dad's in this time," says Claudia. 

"For both myself and the kids, the feeling of having such a loving home base was incredibly healing, completely aside from how much it enabled us to save."

On the work front, too, Claudia had a renewed sense of purpose. 

"I'd been working part-time (3.5 days per week), but as is so often the case, I was handling a full-time workload in those hours. I booked a meeting with my boss, laid it out for her and explained that the amount of work I was doing equated to a lot more hours than I was being paid for. She agreed to a significant payrise, and I channelled every additional dollar into my new mortgage."

It's now three years since Claudia's divorce was finalised, and she now owns not only the apartment she first bought, but a four-bedroom home close to where her kids go to school. 

"I deliberately bought somewhere with a granny flat, just like my parents' house," she says.

"At the moment, we have a tenant there – a lovely single mum as well – so the additional rent keeps my repayments low. In the future, if Mum and Dad need extra support or can't live independently, I want to be able to offer it to them, too, and repay what they did for us."

Claudia's ex, who ended up splitting from the woman he'd left the marriage for 18 months later, has not fared so well financially.

"I take no joy from the fact that his decisions weren't as sound as mine, or that things haven't worked out as well for him," Claudia says. 

"He is still the father of my kids and his success is theirs, but I do feel validated knowing that maybe, I had more financial knowledge than I'd let myself believe I did."

"I guess I did have a post-divorce glow-up after all!"

*Name has been changed due to privacy.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.

Read these divorce stories next:

• 'After my divorce, my friend group quietly erased me. When I vented to a colleague, she told me why.'

• 'The perks of divorce nobody talks about. But everyone should hear.'

• The three questions that will tell you if you're ready for divorce.

Feature image: Canva.