'There are 3 people in our marriage. The first time we tried it, we got it very wrong'.

When Robyn and Christopher Alesich got married in 2004, they never imagined that one day their marriage would include a third person.

The American couple first met in an MSN chat room in 2002 and quickly fell for each other. Two years later, they tied the knot and spent the next four years in a traditional monogamous relationship.

Their journey towards polyamory — which is the practice of engaging in multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships at the same time — began in 2008 when a good friend of theirs moved in with them.

"It started pretty platonic," Robyn told Mamamia. "There wasn't anything serious at first, but after a couple of years living together, we realised we were moving toward polyamory.

"At first, we didn't even know what it was. We just thought it was not normal."

Christopher said their first relationship brought a steep learning curve with it.

Robyn and Christopher Alesich met in 2002. Image: Supplied.

The couple married two years later. Image: Supplied.

"Honestly, we kind of screwed it up at first because we didn't know what it was, or have any structure or guidance," he said.

"The girl fell in love with us a little bit. I fell in love with her. There was some jealousy going on. Unfortunately, we ruined it."

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For the Alesichs, those early days of polyamory were confusing and filled with complex feelings alongside uncharted dynamics.

Slowly, they started gauging their friends and family's reactions to their lifestyle, often hiding behind jokes such as, 'I'm going to get a girlfriend'.

"Nothing was ever solidified until we brought a couple of women home," Robyn said.

"They're all pretty understanding. We didn't really give them the option to be understanding or not. We just went, 'this is our life, and if you don't like it, you don't like it, that's fine'."

In 2011, Robyn and Christopher entered their next long-term serious relationship with another woman.

"She moved in and everything was going good," Christopher said. "She just ended up being kind of mean to Robyn. So unfortunately, it didn't work."

Dynamics familiar to monogamous couples appear in polyamorous relationships, but everything is often amplified.

The Alesichs found exploring those early days of polyamory confusing. Image: Supplied.

"It's all pretty challenging until you find the balance," Robyn said.

"You have three people, so it can be a lot of; 'who is washing the dishes today? Who's cleaning up the kitchen? Who's taking care of the kids? Who's having sex right now?'.

"Communication, jealousy, invalidated feelings, keeping things equal — it can be a lot."

Sexual intimacy in their dynamic operates without rigid rules or boundaries.

"It just is what it is," Robyn said. "It shouldn't be weird to walk into a room and somebody's doing something."

Christopher added, it's not about getting in the way of anybody.

"Everybody loves everybody, so it's not really an impeding type of situation," Christopher said. "If you're in a mood, then go for it.

"If me and our girlfriend are doing something and Robyn wants to come join, she can. Or, if they're doing something that I want to join, I can, or I let them have their private time."

Polyfidelity, the term the couple uses to describe their relationship, often surprises people. It refers to a closed polyamorous relationship, distinct from open relationships or swinger culture.

"With our flavour of poly, people often think we're either swingers or we're in an open relationship, and we're just in a free-for-all type situation, and that's not the case at all," Christopher said.

"We're not dating everyone, we're not sleeping around. It's essentially like monogamy, but with three people committed to each other."

Robyn added, "It's just three people as one. It's like a monogamous relationship, only with two partners instead of one."

Sex is the one area of their relationship that does not have boundaries. Image: Supplied.

Despite the challenges that navigating an extra person may pose, the couple say the rewards of their relationship are profound.

"It's a lot of compassion, love, and commitment," Robyn said. "And having a larger family."

Christopher echoed Robyn's sentiments.

"Just think, it's being in love madly with two people, just madly, unconditional love with two different people instead of one."

Over the past two decades, societal acceptance has shifted, though not entirely.

"We still get looks from people. They still don't understand," Robyn said. "I mean if I'm holding her hand, we might get a look or two, but people don't normally come up and say things.

"Although we have had women cry to join us.

"It's really not my business what other people think about me or our family. It's their problem at the end of the day. If they don't like it, then they can just keep on walking down the road."

Robyn and Christopher acknowledge their early missteps taught them critical lessons, which they have used to help others by founding an app Sister Wives, offering matchmaking services. Their work spans a wide spectrum — from monogamous couples to polyamorous individuals, including those exploring BDSM or niche communities.

The couple is candid about the advice they would give to others considering polyamory; it comes down to one thing — communication.

"Make sure you know what you're doing and what you want," Christopher said. "Don't open your relationship to fix something, that never works.

"You better have your shit together, because if not, you're gonna end up divorced or single. You better really know what your boundaries are, what your partner's boundaries are, and make sure everybody's on board, because it can end very badly."

Feature image: Supplied.