By BRITTANY WALLER
TV tells me giving birth is a beautiful thing.
But as a 26-year-old business woman, the only thing I’m thinking about rearing is a world dominating enterprise, which for the most part will not occur via my vagina.
Yet recently I’ve found myself with a late period (three weeks to be precise) and while home pregnancy tests may give you the A-OK, their general Hasbro appearance and functionality lends the need for a doctor’s opinion.
So, if you too are not ready to have four limbs break dancing their way through your uterus, these are the stages to navigate in reaching your unplanned baby mama verdict.
1. Awkward angsty stage.
My womb is nowhere near ready to be leased. So, the thought of someone moving in unannounced and staying nine months rent free sort of made me quiver in my ovaries. Usually I’d just tell myself to, ‘have a vino and cool your jets for a minute’, but that wasn’t so kosher in this equation. After realising this month’s egg hadn’t left the nest, I was all “Girl, you best do your face, put on your big girl boots and send yourself to the doctors to sort that shit out like an adult”. So, I did.
Now, if she’s not your family GP, prepare yourself for one of those turbo-bitch doctors that’s lost all passion for her job like that 40-year-old guy that’s still ripping your tickets at Hoyts.