Welcome to the very NSFW world of penis pearling.

There’s any number of ways to make yourself a better lover.

Shower regularly, give thoughtful compliments, be attentive to your partner’s erogenous zones, ask them what they’re into or, you know, you could stick some tiny plastic beads under your foreskin.

“Penis pearling” also known “genital beading” also known as “really f*cking painful” is being hailed by many (a few) as the ultimate way for men to satiate their significant others.

The idea being that the beads enhance the male anatomy and make it more stimulating during intercourse — like permanently wearing a studded condom, I guess.

We’re not going to force a picture on you — nobody likes an unsolicited d*ck pic after all — but if your curiosity is getting the better of you, you can see one here. Be warned though, you won’t be able to unsee it:

I’m feeling brave.

The practice originated in Japan, where the Yakuza would add a pearl to their appendages for each calendar year spent in prison (clearly no-one told them just to count the time with lines on the wall).

It’s a form of body modification, so you can probably get it done at your local piercing parlour, but unless you’re a practised Japanese mobster, I wouldn’t be trying it at home — or in prison.

A 19-year-old inmate in a US prison made that error and ended up in the emergency room.

The case study, published in the International Journal of Emergency Medicine, tells of a poor bloke who cut his shaft with a razor blade only to wind up swollen (not in a good way), purple and weeing blood in hospital within seven hours.

He had to undergo emergency surgery.

You can read if here, but you’ll need to be very brave.

A look, at the risk of being a boner killer, but the practice can also cause infection, chronic pain, damage the urethra and… wait for it…  erectile dysfunction.

Pearl of wisdom: Just buy the studded condoms.

Want more discomfort in the bedroom? Six women reveal their most embarrassing sex stories: