The 'pearl earring theory' is the internet’s latest excuse for why men find you intimidating.

Dating in 2025 is… exhausting.

You're expected to have a full-time job, a part-time personality and a dating profile that makes you look effortlessly hot and emotionally available.

You need to be vulnerable (but not, like, journaling-in-public vulnerable), interesting (but not knows-about-feminism interesting), sexy (but in a "girl-next-door who also makes green juice" kind of way), and ideally own a dog to prove you're capable of love — but not so independent that you wouldn't cancel your Reformer Pilates class if a man with commitment issues texted, "u up?"

And of course, you must follow the sacred dating commandments:

Thou shalt not double text. Thou shalt not sleep with him too soon (or too late). Thou shalt act chill when he forgets your birthday but hype his Spotify playlist like it's Grammy-worthy. Thou shalt rearrange your entire week for him, then say "no stress if not!".

Watch: The signs you might be dating a narcissist. Post continues below.

If that wasn't enough, amongst it all, we've got a new rule to contend with. A fresh theory from the bowels of TikTok about why men might find you undateable.

Introducing: the pearl earring theory.

Yes. Pearls. Those dainty, elegant, vaguely grandmother-coded earrings your mum wore to dinner parties in 2007 are now being blamed for women being intimidating.

According to the theory, wearing pearl earrings gives off a particular kind of terrifying, hyper-competent energy. The kind that says, "I know what I want, I possibly own linen napkins and I'm not going to ask what you do for a living because my group chat already Googled you."

@morganmcguirept2

Or maybe they just think I’m annoying #pearl #earring #dating #theory

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A woman wearing pearl earrings cries in the back of an Uber Premium, but she also booked the Uber Premium. She knows the difference between a flat white and a piccolo. She pays extra for the good olive oil. And she will not pretend to be impressed by your DJ side hustle.

Which brings me to this: I don't even wear earrings. Like, at all. My ears have been raw-dogging the elements since 2015. And yet? I've still been told I'm "intimidating."

Wearing pearls? You're undateable, apparently. Sorry, Audrey. Image: Paramount Pictures.

Sometimes by men whose entire personality is knowing their sun, moon and rising signs — and still being the walking red flag astrology warned me about. But also? Sometimes by nice, decent men who just misread my vibe.

Because let's be honest: we all make snap judgements. I once wrote off a guy in a backwards cap who looked like he'd bring up his protein intake before asking my name — but he ended up recommending my favourite book before I'd even mentioned it. And yes, I once pre-judged someone for wearing socks with sandals… only to find out he was genuinely cool, emotionally intelligent and just had a very sensible approach to arch support.

So let's be real: the pearl earring theory isn't about earrings. But it is the latest in a long-running saga of people being judged based on what they wear — especially women.

Because this isn't the first time we've been told our fashion and beauty choices are the reason we're single.

Red lipstick? Apparently that screams high maintenance. It's bold. It's attention-grabbing. It's threatening. You wore MAC Ruby Woo and now he thinks you're about to sue him for emotional distress and demand sole custody of the dog you don't have.

Slicked-back bun? Terrifying. There are no flyaways and now he assumes you're about to colour-code his emotional baggage and sync it to your Google Calendar.

Too much black? Witch. You wore it head-to-toe and he genuinely started googling "how to break a hex" when you didn't laugh at his Instagram Reel.

And of course, the clean girl aesthetic is also apparently intimidating. You looked moisturised, stable and like someone who reads the terms and conditions before signing — and that alone sent him into fight-or-flight.

Basically, if your vibe says I won't settle for nonsense, it's deemed threatening. If you're polished, poised, or — god forbid — wearing a pearl, you've crossed some invisible threshold into "too much."

But what if it's not the earrings? What if being "intimidating" isn't about your accessories at all? What if sometimes… people just aren't compatible? What if he's just not your person — and you're just not his?

What you wear isn't a red flag. It isn't a warning label. It isn't your entire personality. Pearls don't make you unapproachable or yell "high maintenance". Combat boots don't make you cold. And that guy in cuffed jeans and a carabiner clip? Could be husband material. (Or not. Who's to say.)

So wear the pearls. Or don't. Wear the bun so tight it shifts your star sign. Wear the red lip, the Crocs, the "don't talk to me unless you've been to therapy" face. Wear whatever makes you feel most like yourself — intimidating or not.

Because at the end of the day, the right person won't panic at your pearls. They'll call you intimidating — and follow it up with "and that's what I love about you the most."

Feature image: Getty.