couples

The party invitation that ended a friendship.

Two little words ruined our friendship.

When I was in my twenties, I had a crazy best friend. We worked side-by-side in a glam job where the hours were long but there were plenty of perks, including lots of free alcohol. To put it mildly, we had a good time.

We both moved on to other jobs, but stayed in touch. Then I fell madly in love and got married. I never planned to have kids, but suddenly I wanted to, with this man. I got pregnant. I loved it.

When I had my baby boy, I turned into a real earth mother. I carried him with me in a sling everywhere I went. We co-slept, and my husband was fine with that. I breastfed my baby whenever he wanted it, which turned out to be a lot. I took a full year off work so I could be with him. He was happy, and so was I.

When my son was a baby, he went everywhere with me.

When my baby was a couple of months old, my friend invited me to her 30th birthday party. It was going to be a sit-down dinner, for just her few closest friends. I texted her to ask if I could bring my son, and she said no. No kids. Child free as she called it. She didn't want that kind of party.

I felt hurt. I'd never been apart from my baby, and I didn't want to start by driving to the other side of the city for a whole evening. What if my baby needed me? I'd tried to express milk, but it didn't work for me. I didn't feel ready to leave him.

I said no to the invitation.

Clearly, my friend just didn't get me anymore.

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It wouldn't have ruined her party if I'd brought my baby along. He would have just slept in the sling or quietly fed. I wasn't going to start handing him around the table or making the evening all about him.

My friend obviously felt hurt too. She didn't get back to me. Not even a cheery, "No worries! We'll catch up when you're ready."

Once my son got past six months and wasn't exclusively breastfeeding, I started going out on my own again. He was fine without me. My husband was perfectly capable of looking after him. But I didn't contact my friend, and she didn't contact me.

My son is older now, and I can do my own thing again.

I'm not one of those mums who gets offended at any "no kids" invitation. I am a person on my own, without my son. But when he was a little baby, we came as a package. Yeah, my friend doesn't have kids, and doesn't want to have kids, but if our friendship meant anything, she should have tried to understand.

I think she was rude. She clearly thinks I was rude.

Maybe it's inevitable that when you have a baby, you lose some of your child-free friends. But sometimes I miss her.

How do you feel about child-free party invitations?

Want more? Try:

"Breastfeeding specialist tells mum to stop breastfeeding."

6 things NOT to do in front of friends without kids.

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