'My partner kept putting off trying for a baby. Then I got a text that explained why.'

As told to Ann DeGrey

By the time I turned 30, I knew I wanted to be a mum.

I didn't have some huge timeline written down or an urgent biological clock ticking in my ear; I just felt ready. I had a stable job, and I was in what I thought was a good relationship.

I genuinely wanted to start a family and I knew I was ready. But Sam*, my partner of four years at the time, was not on the same page.

When I brought it up for the first time, he said we should wait. "Let's get more financially secure first," he told me.

I understood where he was coming from. We were renting at the time and still figuring things out, so I agreed. I also thought we were working toward the same future.

Then I got a new job and my salary greatly improved. We bought a small cottage together that needed a bit of work.

I assumed being homeowners would be the green light for starting a family, but when I raised the topic again, he said, "Let's wait until we renovate. The house isn't ready for a baby." Looking back, I realised it was just another excuse.

Watch: The Transformative Joy of Babies. Post continues after podcast.

Still, I waited and then two more years passed. We finished the renovations, turned our spare room into an office "for now," and continued living like a couple who had plenty of time. But I knew I didn't want to wait much longer. I was 33 by then, and I told him very clearly, that I was ready.

"You promised me after the renovation. I've waited, and now I need to know where you stand."

That's when he told me the truth, or what I thought was the truth at the time.

He sat me down and said he didn't think he wanted to be a father at all. He said he'd been wrestling with it for a while and didn't think it would be fair to keep me hanging on. "You'll make a fantastic mum," he told me. "But I'm not your man."

I couldn't believe it. I was just so devastated. He ended things with me and I moved out of our house. I stayed with a friend for a few weeks and eventually found a place of my own.

It was a dreadful time because I wasn't only grieving the breakup, but also the future I thought we were going to have. I felt like my dream of being a mother was destroyed.

I took a break from dating, then slowly started putting myself back out there. Nothing serious, just seeing what was out there. I hadn't met anyone yet who felt like "the one," but I was trying to stay hopeful. Then, out of the blue, a mutual friend messaged me.

"Have you heard?" she wrote. "Sam's going to be a dad."

Wtf? I didn't believe my friend until I went on Sam's social media and that was where he made the announcement. I just stared at my phone in shock. It had only been five months since we broke up, and he told me he wasn't cut out for fatherhood.

And now he was having a baby? I just bawled my eyes out. Then I thought I might as well text him to see if it was really true.

"I don't understand. You said you didn't want kids. You broke up with me because of that. And now you're about to become a father?" I wrote.

He replied the next day. He said it hadn't been planned, and it was a "happy accident," but that he is thrilled about being a dad soon. He said he was sorry for hurting me, but he needs to move on and asked me not to stay in touch. That was the end of the conversation.

It hit me then; maybe he wanted to be a dad all along. He just didn't want to be a dad with me. And instead of being honest about that, he told me what he thought would hurt less.

But it didn't hurt less, it hurt more because it made me question everything. All that waiting, all those plans, all that hope. I feel like I was strung along until it was convenient for him to move on. I'm not bitter, but I am sad. Sad that he couldn't be honest. Sad that I wasted so much time waiting for something that was never going to happen.

Still, I haven't given up. I've updated my dating profile, and I've been more upfront with people about what I want. I'm not afraid to say I'm looking for a serious relationship, and yes, I want to be a mum sooner rather than later.

*Name changed to protect identity.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock photo for illustrative purposes only)