'My partner told me he was having an affair. The truth was even worse.'

As told to Ann DeGrey.

When Chris* told me he'd been having an affair, I thought I'd never recover. We'd been together for just over two years, living together and talking about having kids one day. I really thought we were a great couple. I was so happy with him, and he didn't give me a clue that he was miserable with me, so I was very confused.

Then he sat me down and said the dreaded words: "I've been seeing someone else." Apparently, it had been going on for a few months. A woman from work. They'd fallen in love. He didn't want to hurt me, but he couldn't lie anymore. He was leaving me, and he was sorry to hurt me.

That was it; no warning signs and no time to prepare. I was shell-shocked. I cried, begged for an explanation, but he kept repeating the same lines: it wasn't my fault, he hadn't meant to fall for someone else, but he had to follow his heart, even though he felt guilty and was filled with remorse.

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Looking back now, I can't believe how calmly he delivered it. The next few weeks were horrendous for me. I was deep in grief, barely leaving the house. I had to take sick leave from work, I stopped eating properly and, worst of all, I stopped trusting people. I spent a long time feeling humiliated and discarded.

Eventually, I made the decision to leave the city we were living in. Everything reminded me of Chris and I just needed a new environment. I blocked him from my social media, so I didn't happen to see a photo of his new love. I wondered what was so special about her?

I moved to New Zealand, where my cousin lived. She offered me a spare room and some much-needed support. It took me three years to fully rebuild myself. I tried dating a few times, but I always held people at arm's length because I was convinced that love was just a bullsh** idea.

It wasn't until I started therapy that my life started to look up. Eventually, I met a kind soul who became the love of my life.

Joe* was the first man I've ever been able to relax around completely. He's not flashy, and he doesn't say things he doesn't mean. I trust him – and that's not something I say lightly anymore.

This year, Joe and I booked a holiday together. It felt like the right time to take that next step, travel together, be somewhere beautiful, and just enjoy life. We were having a lovely time until one day I saw him – Chris. There he was, at the same resort, wearing a staff lanyard and chatting to someone near the bar. I tried to walk the other way, but he spotted me and came over.

He gave me a hug, told me I looked great and said it was good to see me. I introduced him to Joe, who excused himself after a minute so we could talk. I didn't know what to expect, but I wasn't expecting an apology.

Chris said, "I feel really bad about the lies I told you. You should know that I didn't have an affair. There was no one else."

I stared at him, not understanding. "I just didn't know how to break up with you. I thought saying I'd fallen for someone else would be the cleanest way."

There I was, shell-shocked all over again. I told him, as calmly as I could, that his lie nearly destroyed me. That pretending to have betrayed me when he hadn't, left a scar I still carry. I said if he'd just told me he'd fallen out of love, I would have been hurt, but I wouldn't have felt so ashamed and betrayed.

He nodded and said he was sorry. He also said he didn't expect forgiveness. Well, he didn't get forgiveness, not yet anyway. He also said, "I wanted to do the right thing, and tell you the truth." But would he have told me the truth if he hadn't seen me on holiday with my partner?

I walked away feeling nothing. No tears, no closure, no satisfaction. Just a dull awareness that the man who once meant everything to me had chosen the most cowardly exit and now wanted credit for admitting it.

Back in our room, Joe asked if I was okay, and I told him everything. He told me he loved me and said that our past teaches us lessons, good and bad. He reassured me that he would never do anything like that to me. I could trust him. And I do trust him completely.

From then on, I blocked Chris from my mind. I didn't want to waste another second thinking about a man who no longer mattered. I don't wish Chris harm, but I hope I never see or hear from him again.

Some people grow up, and some people stay childish. I feel what Chris did to me was not only cowardly, but very immature. But I am thankful in some ways for his confession because now

I can really move on, for real.

*Names have been changed due to privacy.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy reasons.

Feature image: Getty. (Stock image for illustrative purposes only).