'I was 32 and ready for a family. Then I found out my partner's life-changing secret.'

As told to Ann DeGrey.

I was with Kyle* for three years, although "together" isn't quite the best word for most of our relationship. We were on and off more times than I care to admit and it always seemed to be me being the one working hard to try to glue us back together.

Meanwhile, he usually sat on the fence, half‑in, half‑out. It was humiliating at times. But I really loved him, and for a long time, I believed love could turn someone into the person you really needed. Someone I could really trust and rely on as I'd been burnt in other relationships.

Watch: A discussion about how pregnancy and birth physically change a woman's brain and body, enhancing abilities to read baby's needs and increasing empathy. Post continues after video.

When I turned 32, I felt the biological clock start to tick louder. I knew I wanted a baby, I couldn't wait to be a mum. I'd never needed a big house or a fancy car, I just wanted to be a mother. Kyle always said he wasn't sure about kids.

A few times he'd said that because he had a rough childhood, with parents he said were unloving, he was reluctant to be a dad. But I held onto the idea that with time, with love, he would have a change of heart.

Eventually, I gave him an ultimatum, something I never thought I'd do. I told him that I couldn't stay in a relationship where we didn't share the same future plans in regards to parenthood. I told him I wanted to start trying for a baby and that if he didn't want that, we needed to go our separate ways.

He agreed to try. I remember feeling such relief! So we started; I tracked ovulation cycles, changed my diet, cut back on caffeine and alcohol. I took supplements and did everything my doctor advised me to do.

In the beginning, I was very hopeful. Every month felt like maybe this was the one. But after six months, I still wasn't pregnant, even though my doctor said it can take a year or longer for many women.

I suggested we go to a fertility specialist. Kyle hesitated but agreed. I thought we'd both go through a series of tests and hopefully get some idea of what was going wrong. I was prepared for the possibility that something was wrong with me. Maybe I couldn't conceive and just didn't know it yet.

The day of the appointment, the specialist asked us routine questions. Then she asked Kyle if he had ever had any reproductive procedures. I expected him to say no. Instead, there was a long pause until he said, "I had a vasectomy. About seven years ago. I'm sorry, I know I should have told you."

The specialist started to explain reversal options, but I barely heard a thing. All I could think of is that he'd lied to me. A vasectomy! He had this seven years ago, well before we met.

When we got to the car, I asked him why he hadn't told me. He said he was embarrassed and didn't know how to bring it up. He admitted what I'd always known deep down; he just didn't want children.

He never had, but he agreed to try for my sake. And he led me to believe I could get pregnant, but he never actually intended to become a father.

So I'd spent all that time getting my body ready, when there was never a chance. I think the worst part wasn't the vasectomy itself. It was the lie. And it was a huge lie, not a small white lie.

I was mortified that he'd seen me stressed and worried about my fertility and didn't say a word. He saw me crying in the bathroom with negative tests while he knew exactly why they were negative.

I realised that if he could lie about something that shaped our whole future, then I could never trust him again. How could I? It was like waking up and seeing the relationship clearly for the first time. So I had no choice but to end the relationship and there was no way I was going to go through that "on and off" phase that usually followed one of our breakups.

It's been over a year now. I'm seeing a new man, someone who said very early in our relationship, that he was looking forward to being a dad. There was no hesitation whatsoever, just him speaking from his heart.

We're taking things slow, but I feel more desperate than ever to hold a baby in my arms. But this time it'll be with a partner who wants the same future as me. I've already lost enough time on someone who never planned to go down that path with me.

*Name has been changed due to privacy.

The author of this story is known to Mamamia but remained anonymous for privacy purposes.

Feature image: Getty.