'My partner said he was checking into rehab. Then my friend saw him in Bali.'

As told to Ann DeGrey

I met my boyfriend Benjamin* through our mutual love of sailing. I'd just joined a local yacht club, and we were introduced one Saturday afternoon after a race.

He had this calm, ocean-weathered look about him, he was handsome and confident — and we had lots in common aside from sailing. We got talking over drinks at the bar and within the hour he'd asked for my number.

After just two dates, he told me I was "the one he's been waiting for." It sounds intense now, but at the time it felt romantic.

A year later, we were still together and had just come back from an amazing four-week trip through Europe.

It was literally the best trip of my life and I felt like I was travelling with my future husband — I just couldn't picture myself with any other man but him.

A part of me thought he might propose, and if he did, I wouldn't have said no!

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But just a couple of weeks after we got home, everything changed. He said he had "something serious" to discuss with me and there was something he needed to confess. I could tell by the way he couldn't look me in the eye that it was serious.

He said he'd been struggling with a cocaine addiction for a long time and that he'd kept it from me because he was ashamed and didn't want to drag me into it.

I didn't know what to say.

Of course, I was shocked. But mostly I was sad that he'd felt like he had to go through something so dark alone.

I asked how I could help and that's when he told me he wasn't asking for help from anybody. He was going into rehab, and he needed to do it alone.

He said the program would be around three months, maybe longer. I was relieved when he told me he loved me, but he needed space to get clean, and didn't want any distractions.

He suggested we "pause" the relationship.

He said, "If it's meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'd gone from thinking he was going to propose to me soon, to being dumped in a roundabout way.

I offered to drive him to the rehab facility. He said no. I asked which centre he was going to, and he brushed it off.

"It's all organised through my family," he said.

He also said it was a "private program." Something about the way he spoke made me feel like I shouldn't ask any more questions.

And then, suddenly, he was gone.

After he'd been in rehab for a week, I texted him and I realised he'd blocked me on everything.

I was gutted but kept reminding myself: he's doing this for his health. This is part of recovery. I tried to tell myself that love means being patient and supportive.

And then, three weeks later, a friend made an off-hand comment that cracked everything wide open.

I was catching up with a mutual acquaintance who said, casually, "Saw a few of Ben's Bali pics. Looks like he's having fun with the boys."

At first, I thought he'd made a mistake. Bali? Maybe it was an old photo? Or maybe he went there after rehab? But no.

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Eventually, one of his friends reached out to me quietly. He told me Benjamin wasn't exactly a "cocaine addict," but he definitely had some kind of drug problem.

Apparently, I was "collateral damage" in whatever issues he was dealing with.

That made me angry. I wasn't collateral; I was a person who cared about him.

He could have just told me the truth, that he didn't want to be with me and wanted to go travelling with his mates.

It's taken me a while to get over this sorry episode. I still have moments where I second-guess everything: Was any of it real? Did he ever love me?

But now I realise that none of this was about me. It was about him being immature. It was also about him being a low-life liar.

Hopefully, when I'm ready to start dating again, I'll meet a man who knows how to end a relationship without making up an addiction and disappearing to Bali.

At least, I'll never be fooled by a man who won't let you drive him to "rehab."

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Feature Image: Getty. (Stock photo for illustrative purposes only)