A day in the life of a hungover parent.

We all know that parenting with a hangover is the WORST. All you want to do is lie on the couch or in bed, but no – there are children there who actually need entertainment, nappy changes and food. How dare they! ;)

I went out with some friends last Friday night. It was my second night out since our son Harry was born. And he’s NEARLY 2. Needless to say, I have zero stamina for partying these days. So the day after went a little something like this…

A 5.30am wakeup. Why doesn’t my husband ever hear the toddler when he wakes up? I mean, he’s screaming – who the hell can sleep through that? But yup, there’s the hubby lying next to me still snoring. Bless him, he’s had a big week. Sigh. Up I get. Last night’s leftover mascara gluing my eyes together. My head pounds.

I catch sight of myself in the mirror and realise I also have leftover chocolate from last night’s late night binge on my cheek. Classy. Toddler finds a piece of leftover chocolate and devours it. How nutritious. Double sigh.

Before I continue, let’s just clarify one thing. Yes, I was slightly tipsy the night before. Ok, maybe I was drunk. But guess what? I had three wines. Just three. Well, maybe four. And one champagne. For me, that’s a HUGE night. For my former 20-something weekend binge drinking self, not so much.

I’m a cheap date these days, that’s for sure. I vaguely remember getting home and getting all chatty with my husband while he lay next to me and groaned his annoyance. Yep that’s right buddy, payback for the times you’ve done it to me.

It was the first night out for my Mother’s Group. For me, it was the second time I’d gone out with ‘the girls’ since my son was born. That’s right, our firstborn who’s NEARLY TWO. So it was ‘mums gone wild’ and all that. And by ‘wild’ I mean I was home just after midnight after some lovely red wine and great conversation in a classy bar. Whoa, living on the edge I was.

But back to my day. After coffee, I was all like “I’ve totally got this. Let’s go out. A bacon and egg roll will sort me out.” We walk along the beach and it’s gorgeous. Ahhhh, fresh air. Loads of cuddles with the family, and I'm feeling good for having had some time away from them (even though I missed them like crazy).

By midday – right kiddos, just go to bed already. Mum needs a movie and chocolate. Oh, and hot chips. Loads of them. Husband goes to get KFC. YESSSSSSSSS. Did I mention how much I love you, darling?

By mid afternoon – it’s movie time. And more Duplo. The toddler gets a big cardboard box to play with and draw on. It keeps him occupied for a good half an hour. He’s sitting in it having an awesome time. The baby is chilled. WINNING.

The house is chaos. The toddler has thrown his food all over the floor (pretty standard), lego is everywhere, he’s into the laundry and pulled everything out of the freezer - and I’m too busy drinking my fourth bottle of water to pick up after him like usual. My neatfreak tendencies are rising though, I’m so anxious yet still not able to keep on top of the mess like usual. Oh well, whatever.

The only things that are clean are the baby’s bottles. I refuse to do laundry and instantly regret it as the pile overflows and I realise how much I’ll have to do tomorrow.

By mid evening – Oh, can everyone please just shut the hell up. Here, have a dummy. Bed early? Why not. Toast for dinner? Maybe baked beans, fish fingers? Yup, bad mum right here.

By 7pm - Babies in bed. Sigh of relief. Now, hair of the dog? Greasy food? Potentially. But bed is looking pretty darn good…

I think to myself, “never again”. But then I realise it only happens once in a blue moon. Literally. So why the F not.

So I curl up into a ball and fall asleep, feeling sorry for myself but much more sane for actually having had some time to enjoy myself. Mums, I highly recommend heading out with friends if you can - just make sure you organise a babysitter for at least a few hours the next day.