How to pick up on the secret signs your child is being bullied.

You would think that you’d be able to spot if your child was being bullied – that your Mum radar would switch on and you would surely know.

You’d hope your child would tell you. But it turns out that this isn’t the case.

A major study by the Australian Institute of Family Studies has shown that for more than 50 per cent of children who said they had been bullied, their parents were “either not aware or did not consider the actions were bullying”.

Fifty per cent.

That’s half of all kids who have been bullied – Mum and Dad didn’t know.

With one in three children under 10 reporting experiencing bullying that’s an awful lot of sad, broken children whose parents can’t help them because they simply do not know.

There are a lot of reasons that kids don’t tell their parents – embarrassment, fear of being in trouble, fear of making a fuss, concerns their parents won’t believe them or won’t listen.

Some kids have reported that they did tell their parents but the methods they were given to deal with the situation simply didn’t work.

So they resigned themselves to the bullying.

It’s heartbreaking.

Parenting is bloody hard. Andrew Daddo and Holly Wainwright are here to help you through. Post continues…

It is up to us as parents to be vigilant in recognising the signs of bullying in our children – in the hope that we can stop it before it has serious effects.

Australia’s foremost authority on bullying, Ken Rigby, has given Mamamia some tips to help watch out for signs your child is being bullied.

1. Unexplainable injuries.

There may be a simple explanation but if your child struggles to explain how that bruise, the limp or the bloody nose occurred then it is worth investigating more.

2. Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewellery.

Every child I know loses stuff occasionally, but when it is repeated, unexplained or particularly valuable it’s time to not just dismiss it as a mistake.

3. Sudden changes in habits.

Like…refusing to go to activities they previously loved, skipping meals, binge eating. It could, of course just be that your son is sick of soccer training. He could be tired. Or he could be having issues with one of the other kids.

4. Unexplained illnesses, frequent headaches or tummy aches, feeling sick or even faking illness.

My own son began to have tummy pains at every preschool drop off. I know these pains were real, but they weren’t a virus. It was anxiety. After a further discussion with his teachers I found the root of the anxiety was that he was being left out. He was lonely. He wasn’t being bullied thankfully but his illness was not something to be easily dismissed.

5. Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares.

Lots of kids have trouble sleeping, but a sudden change in sleeping habits may be cause for concern. Ken Rigby says to watch out for bed-wetting, and for your child crying out at night.

6. Sudden changes in attitude to school.

Ken Rigby says signs such as “fear of walking to or from school, a change of route to school, being afraid of riding on the school bus, asking to be driven to school, being unwilling to go to school“ are key signs. Watch out for deterioration in schoolwork or coming home starving (because lunch money was taken) and he says to keep an eye on asking for or stealing money (to pay the bully).

7. Sudden sadness.

Emotional indicators can obviously be a sign of many problems, but the key ones Ken Rigby says to be on the look out for if you suspect bullying are “Appearing upset, unhappy, lonely, tearful, distressed, becoming withdrawn and depressed. Suicidal thinking and unexpected mood swings.”

8. Begins bullying siblings or younger kids.

Bullied children can sometimes flip their role and become the bully.

9. Waits to get home to use the toilet.

School bathrooms can be hot spots for bullying.

Take this list in context, though, warns Ken Rigby. “In consulting this list, recognise that each one of the signs indicate something quite other than bullying. This is a guide only.  Nevertheless, the more signs present, the greater the likelihood that the child is being bullied. But he says don’t jump to conclusions.  “The torn clothes may be explained away as incurred during a rough game; the bruise as a blow from a ball at cricket or baseball practice, the headache, a migraine; an alternative route to school - ‘just for a change.”

Ken Rigby gives further assistance here.

For more help with bullying issues, please contact Kid's Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or Parentline on 1300 30 1300.

Have you found out your child was being bullied? How did you know?