‘Let them be bored.’ A mum of 3 shares her Five Golden Rules for parenting.

Mamamia's Five Golden Rules series takes a pervy look into the lives of Australian families. From parents of toddlers to parents of teenagers, the series asks parents to share their golden parenting rules, including the rules for their kids, and rules to just get through each day.

This week, we hear from Erin Huckle – a PR and copywriting consultant, business owner, and mum of three boys.

Next month my eldest boy turns 10, and it’s honestly blowing my mind. Double figures and a whole decade of parenting, where do the years go? His brothers are seven and five, and if you’re thinking three boys is chaos, you’d be right. But we’ve learnt a lot in the last ten years of parenting, including the rules that have ultimately saved our sanity (just). 

These of course come with a disclaimer. While they’ve worked for us, they might not work for you and your family, but if you’re at the end of your (very frayed) tether, there’s no harm in trying, right? 

So here they are, my five golden rules for parenting. 

1. Let them be bored 

“I’m boooooored” is a classic hit on the soundtrack to parenting life. But being bored is actually a beautiful thing. Bear with me. Yes, it’s frustrating when your kids claim to be bored – have they forgotten about the mountain of toys, shelves of books, and in our house even siblings and pets to play with? But if you let them be bored long enough, eventually they’ll give in and start to make their own fun. 

These are the moments where I’ll realise it’s really quiet (always cause for concern), and will find my kids building a fort in their room or curled up together while their big brother reads to them. Or they’ll create some kind of complex game involving dress-ups, matchbox cars and pillows, with rules that my 41-year-old brain can’t really grasp. Sure, these magical moments usually dissolve into shouting and shoving eventually, but I’m still glad they happened. 

Boredom helps their brains imagine and create, and it builds their self-reliance. I don’t want my kids to need constant entertainment, and I want them to learn to be content in their own company. 

2. Fresh air and movement, every day

Image: Supplied.

My boys have got energy to burn, and if we don’t get them out doing something physical on the daily, all that pent up energy comes out as bad moods and grumpy dudes.

So we get them out and active, with organised sport and activities including Brazilian Jujitsu, nippers, little athletics, soccer, rugby, basketball and swimming lessons. They go on bike rides and take their scooters to the skate park. They body surf waves at the beach and love going on long bush walks.

The more they move, the happier they are. 

Some days they’re resistant to the idea, but once we’re out they love it, and we’re all so much happier for the fresh air and movement, guaranteed. 

3. Done is better than perfect

Sometimes I fantasise about a perfectly tidy house, gleaming white walls, and a car that doesn’t feature a carpet of sand, dog hair and muddy boot marks. But then I remember the reality of my life. 

If those things were really important to me, perhaps I’d make time for them. Instead, what’s important to me is time with my family, time for myself, and work that fulfils me, so we live by the ‘done is better than perfect’ mantra. 

So if the kids make their own lunches for school and it’s not exactly what I would have done, it’s fine. If they empty the dishwasher and put things in the wrong place, that’s fine too. If their version of tidying the toys isn’t exactly my vision, I let it go. 

This mantra means we’re encouraging them to have a go at contributing to domestic duties, and eventually they’ll get better. Practice makes (almost) perfect. 

4. They need different things from you

It’s a parental conundrum. We parent our kids the same, so how do they all end up so different? 

Truth time – I definitely don’t parent my kids the same. They need different things from me, and with each child I’ve become more confident in my parenting game. When my eldest was 3, he was pretty much treated like a little prince, claiming his place as the centre of our universe. But my youngest at 3 was constantly puffed from trying to keep up with his big brothers – or risk being left behind. 

Although I try to be consistent with the big picture stuff, the reality is my kids need different things from me. They’re at different ages and stages. They have different personalities. Quality time for one is a mum vs son soccer tournament, for the others it’s a heart-to-heart about Minecraft, sitting quietly over Lego together, or curled up in my lap with a book. 

My boys aren’t carbon copies of each other, so neither is the way I parent them. 

5. Don’t feel guilty about time apart

Supersized portions of guilt are served on a platter daily when you’re a mum, but my final golden rule is all about ditching the guilt about spending time away from the kids. 

When they were younger, the idea of leaving them for a whole day, let alone overnight, felt like a logistical jigsaw puzzle I just couldn’t solve. I’d stress about the complexities of handing over their care, while beating myself up with the mum guilt stick. Surely being a good mum meant wanting to spend quality time with your kids and delighting in every moment?

But as I’ve gotten older and slightly wiser, I’ve realised time apart is good for me and good for them. They love hanging out with their dad without me around and getting up to all sorts of boys-own adventures, and my time away from them makes me a better, calmer, happier mum. So I’ve learned to say yes to overnight work events, weekends away and dinner with friends. 

I want them to know their mum is a person with a life outside of them, even though they’re central to my world. 

All this to say, sometimes rules get broken. Sometimes plans change. None of us is parenting perfection, but I’m glad. Who wants to be perfect anyway?

Always read the label and follow the directions for use.

Feature Image: Supplied/Mamamia.