'I was planning my baby shower when my dad called with news that would implode my world.'

For many adults, our parents are the glue that holds our extended family together. Our siblings, aunties, uncles, nieces and nephews are all brought together by a mutual love for our parents. 

They host Christmas lunches, birthday parties and christenings; they remember graduations and special milestones. They're the family lifeblood — the Golden Goose of marriage we so often look up to. We go to them for advice; pick out cute names for our kids to call them. They become our grown-up security blanket; a place to come home to when we don't feel quite so adult and just need someone to take care of us.

So what happens when that comfort you've always relied on is no longer a package deal? When "Mum and Dad" or "Nanna and Grandpa" split down the middle?

Watch: What is emotional affair? Article continues after the video.

Maybe you discover the marriage you looked up to only lasted this long because they decided to stay together for the kids. Perhaps one of them had an affair, or there's been a secret addiction, or some other long-simmering resentment you never knew existed.

Suddenly, your parents aren't the safe, solid comfort you thought they were. They're human. And they're making a decision that doesn't just upend their lives — it changes yours and potentially, your children's, too.

Lucy Bloom knows that feeling well.

"I was 29 and pregnant with my first child when my dad called to tell us they were separating," she told Mamamia. 

Her parents had been married for 38 years. It felt like a lifetime. And while Lucy says she wouldn't have described theirs as a "love story for the ages", she assumed it was one that would stand the test of time. 

"To be honest, I knew my parents were miserable, but I thought they would just stay that way forever," she said. 

"I am the youngest of four and… we were a pretty tight little family. My parents are products of their generation: dad worked full-time, mum was at home with the kids. I never came home from school and found an empty house. Mum was always there with lamingtons. Dad worked hard but was always home for dinner.

"They're both churchy folks, so I didn't think divorce was something they would have considered."

But they did.

Lucy describes her feelings when she heard the news as simply: "sad".

Sad — and determined to change their minds.

"I decided to talk them out of it," she said. But it didn't go to plan.

"I failed. I was just super sad that… they'd rather go through the agony of divorce," she said. 

It wasn't just the news of the divorce that hit hard, it was the timing. Lucy was heavily pregnant with her first child. She was hormonal, emotional, and already feeling vulnerable.

"I was much more emotional than my siblings. I cried a lot," she said. Then there were the future logistics to consider, which became far more complicated than she'd hoped or anticipated.

"I assumed they would be civil to each other, and they would just be grandparents as planned," Lucy recalled. "My dad didn't cope well, though, and preferred not to see my mum. [It] made our big family gatherings a logistical pain.

"There were a solid nine or 10 years when my brothers and I were all married but had no kids yet, so we could all enjoy my parents as adults without little ones to change the party," she said. 

Then, in the space of five years, eight grandchildren came along. Lucy's parents divorced. And everything changed. 

There's also the part that people don't often talk about — when adult children deemed mature enough to handle the ugly truth become a buffer for their estranged parents.

"Adult children are often drawn into counselling, listening and mediating roles," explained psychologist Phoebe Rogers. 

"They're expected to support each parent emotionally."

This emotional care-taking can be especially overwhelming when it coincides with major life stages, like becoming a parent, navigating a career, or managing their own household. 

Suddenly, they're juggling their own chaos, trying to hold space for a mother or father unravelled by separation, and cope with their own grief at the loss of the family unit as they once knew it.

"It can feel like too much," Rogers said. "Especially if they've historically been close to or enmeshed with a parent. I've seen adult children choose distance as a coping strategy, simply because the emotional burden becomes too heavy."

While some people feel relief — particularly if they've witnessed years of tension or unhappiness — others are blindsided.

"It can range from relief to shocking," Rogers said. "I've seen parents successfully hide their relationship struggles for years, so the divorce comes as a complete surprise and really challenges someone's view of their parents, commitment and relationships."

She's also seen adult children lose respect for one parent, whether it's the one who had an affair, the one who tolerated poor treatment for too long, or simply the one who chose to leave.

Even when the separation is ultimately a good thing, it still marks the significant loss of a family structure you may have previously taken for granted, and assumed would last a lifetime. Family events become complicated, holidays require careful planning, and the home base you always counted on is now gone. 

"Family is often the safe place we return to," Rogers said, adding that many adult children find it hard to seek support, because they assume they should be "old enough to handle it".

"Clients have literally said to me, 'I know this is silly, but...' 

"It's not silly," she continued. "These feelings are connected to identity, belonging, hope, and a dream of what family is supposed to be."

While Lucy didn't idolise her parents' marriage per se, she always viewed them as a solid foundation for her life. 

"Life was stable, we had food and a place to live. We were all educated and released into the wild with a solid foundation for life."

It's why the divorce rattled her more than she expected. It wasn't just the end of her parents' marriage, it was the collapse of a structure she'd assumed would always be there.

Both of Lucy's parents re-partnered quickly, and suddenly the people she'd known her whole life came with a strange plus-one, new dynamics, and less time for one-on-one connection.

"It's always been hard to see them on their own," she admitted. "Having said that, the additions to the family just make it all more interesting and weird. Every family is weird in their own way. We are no different."

"Now that I am divorced, I am so glad they bit the bullet back then. Imagine staying together and being miserable forever."

Feature image: supplied.