OPINION: 'Please don't bring your partner to my party.'

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I've noticed a trend in my friend group as we've gotten older – parties, catch-ups and dinners at friends' houses all include an invitation to not only you, but your partner. Any social gathering of more than two people now includes the line "partners welcome!".

Not me – I'm sorry, but please don't bring your partner to my event. I reject the notion that all social events must be attended as a couple. Your partner is not automatically invited just because you are. Equally, I am not going to bring my partner just because I am invited. 

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I want to be clear – I do not have a problem with people bringing their partner to an event, or hosting an event where partners are welcome. Both of these I enjoy, in moderation. My gripe is that inviting partners seems to be the default now, rather than a conscious decision.

Including partners as a default setting implies, to me, that each person in a relationship is one half of a whole. It suggests that each of you is an extension of the other, rather than a whole individual with your own friendships, social circles, histories, likes and dislikes. With research proving that maintaining independence is vital to both individual and relationship wellbeing, I can't help but think that attending and hosting couple-free events is one way of promoting autonomy and fighting co-dependency. 

Not to mention how awkward and restrictive it can be for our single friends, adrift in a sea of twosomes. I've spoken at length with my single friends about how exclusionary it can feel if you're the only one in the friend group not in a relationship. Hosting a partner-free event or attending an event partner-free allows you to focus on your friendships as individuals, and enables your single friends to take up the same amount of space as everyone else.

My other reasons for believing in couple-free events are selfish, really.

When it comes to hosting events, I like to have time with my friends, the people who I specifically chose to attend my event. Not their partner, who I would have to make awkward conversation with and worry about making sure they feel included. 

When attending events, I want the same, to be able to socialise freely without having to worry about how my partner is enjoying the event or has found someone to talk to. Bringing a partner to a party can also often end up being a crutch at parties where you don't know many people or don't really want to go. It makes you feel better, and eases those awkward moments where you're standing there looking around for someone to talk to.

But those awkward moments are also the times you end up pushing yourself to speak to people you might not normally, and really making the most of being at a social event by expanding your network.

Going to events without your partner can both nurture your relationship and friendships. Image: Supplied.

When considering bringing your partner to an event, I invite you to ask yourself whether you are doing so because your partner will enjoy going and other party-goers will like having them there, or whether you are doing it to make yourself feel more comfortable.

If you are doing it for yourself, I encourage you to push yourself out of your comfort zone by going alone. Or, if that still sounds awful, consider why you are even going to the party in the first place.

The same rules should apply when considering whether or not to invite partners to an event of yours – are they adding value? Will they enjoy themselves? These are the questions we should be asking before adding that little line, "partners welcome!".

Now, obviously, there are exceptions to my rule. Given that I like and enjoy the company of many of my friends' partners, I have hosted many events where I invite partners, and they are warmly welcomed. In my mind, the events that are partner-friendly are those that are typically larger, event events (e.g., Christmas parties, housewarmings) rather than smaller, more intimate gatherings.

In these instances, I invite partners not as partners, but as people. They are on the guest list in their own right because it's a bigger event, they'll have more people to mingle with, and they won't be intruding on a friend group that they are not part of. 

And so, to my friends, I'm coming alone! No plus one for me. And also to my friends, if you're coming to my event, please do not message me for a plus one – my answer is no (with love).

Read more friendship pieces here:

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Feature image: Supplied.