Mum guilt. I hate that it's even a term. Because have you ever heard of dad guilt? No, you haven't. Because it's not really even a thing.

At least that's what I thought until we dived into the concept on a recent episode of Mamamia's parenting podcast, This Glorious Mess, and heard from the "other side".

Because while parent guilt is real for everyone, there's a unique type of guilt that many mums experience. For us, it trickles in as soon as we find out we're pregnant.

Watch: Dr Golly on how parenting rewires your brain. Post continues after video.

With my first pregnancy, all I could stomach was toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches. Then I felt guilty that the foundational nutritional blocks I was feeding my parasite consisted of bread, tomato and cheese. 

Then there's the 'how do we give birth' guilt, bottle or breast guilt? Sleep training or demand feeding guilt?

And then you're so tired and yearn for a break. Then you feel guilty that you want a break. And then when you do get a break, you feel guilty about being away from them. 

You go back to work, which is lovely, as you get breaks but that's when the steam train of guilt hits you. 

Forever imprinted on my mind will be scenes from picking up my youngest son from daycare, aged two. Standing at the gate gripping the bars and screaming like he was trying to break out of jail.

Now my kids are nine and 12 and the guilt's evolved and aged (with them, and me). There's the screen time guilt, missing an award at assembly guilt, are they reading enough (the answer is no) guilt. I could keep going but I won't because we all feel it in similar ways. It's universal, to us. 

Bubbling away, boiling and spreading like an infection. 

So, how do dads experience guilt?

What I wanted to know is: do dads feel guilt? And if they do, what do they feel guilty about?

So we put it out to the Mamamia community and this is what some fathers told us:

"I'm sure I have felt dad guilt. I can't think of a scenario, maybe when I've upset my daughter for some reason and I felt bad because she was crying." - Michael. 

"In the last couple of years, I spent a fair amount of time working from home, and it's made me realise how much I missed when I was in the office. Little conversations when they get home from school, going to see their sports days, their assemblies, stuff that I never got to do while I was working full-time in an office. But working from home has made me realise what I missed over the years." - Sam. 

"No, I don't feel any guilt." - Dan. 

"I do feel dad guilt, because quite regularly, I forget which days of the week are sports uniform day versus regular school uniform day, and have to be reminded constantly by my wife. I forget what the boys are doing continuously after school, whether it's football, basketball, swimming. Who would know? But I do actually feel really guilty about that." - Tim. 

My initial observations are that when they do have guilt, it's more retrospective. Like a reaction.  And it's about something they have done. Rather than not done. 

I wanted to dive in deeper, unpack the differences and maybe even the 'why'. So I turned to This Glorious Mess's regular dad contributor, Thom Lion for an interrogation, or "inThomigation".

You can listen to the full episode here. Post continues below. 

"I definitely get dad guilt but mum guilt is far more pervasive than dad guilt. It's everywhere for you guys," Thom told me.

Despite knowing he spends as much time as possible with his kids, Thom still grapples with a sense of inadequacy.

"Overall, I feel awful that I'm missing out on key times with them, and I'm not connecting as much as I would like. It's just an overriding feeling that I'm not with them enough, even though, objectively, I know that I am, as much as I can."

The gender divide in parental guilt.

Interestingly, when it comes to personal time, Thom's guilt seems to evaporate. Going out with mates or taking time for himself doesn't trigger an emotional response when asked if he felt guilt. "Not at all, definitely not," he said. A stark contrast to how many mums experience guilt.

When it comes to food choices for the family, he acknowledges that while his wife meticulously examines food labels and feels guilty about pre-packaged meals, "that sort of stuff doesn't cross my mind".

At the heart of this gendered experience of parental guilt lies a deeply rooted societal expectation. "For a lot of men, there's still this unspoken expectation that we need to be the main provider," he said.

The silence surrounding these feelings can be particularly problematic. "I think it can sometimes become a more dangerous emotion like shame, because we don't talk at all about this sort of stuff. I push it back down. I store my dad guilt in my appendix," he said.

After my exploration into guilt from other dad's perspectives I've come to a conclusion: we're wired differently.

But also that guilt is all our own creation, born from our own expectations. If you actually isolate the feeling, someone can't make you feel guilty.

Doesn't that mean, if we can create it, we have control over it?

So maybe next time you feel that first little prickly pang of guilt rising up in your chest, just push it away and say, 'What would Thom do?'

Feature image: Supplied/Canva.